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I’ve always enjoyed from Theodore Rex’s speech “Citizenship in a Republic” the following:

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

Alex

“Why do some men achieve success, and others do not?”

Many men never live up to their potential. And while I don’t have
all the answers, I’ve taken a long look over the hundreds of
programs we’ve run and come up with some patterns on who succeeds -
and it’s got nothing to do with looks or height.

Here’s the makeup of the kind of guy who gets damn good at social
skills:

*The successful man is consistent about trying. He is not
necessarily great, but he is consistent. The unsuccessful man may
really want success, but he will fall off the wagon from time to
time, drag his heels, or whatever else have you. He might go out 13
nights in a row, but then he stays at home for two weeks playing
video games.

*The successful man is balanced. He has other diverse things going
on in his life. He often has a high-impact job, difficult studies,
interesting hobbies, or plays a sport. While he may not - and often
isn’t - naturally gifted in any of these areas, he has at least one
or two things going for him that he loves and works hard at.

*The successful man is BUSY. Guys that get success are the ones
you’d think would have no time to do so. They work 40+ hours a
week, take a class or informally study something (like learning a
language, or dancing), take care of their health, and STILL go pick
up. The unsuccessful man FEELS very busy, but yet somehow doesn’t
have much to show for it. He doesn’t get shit done. Why he doesn’t
is a mystery, but he doesn’t succeed.

*The successful man gets someone to kick his ass for him. People
fall off without support and guidance, even if it’s wrong. It’s
better to have someone kicking your ass to work hard and get
success even if they’re not an “expert” on something. So much the
better if you are. It’s hard to stay motivated - at anything. All
the best athletes in the world have coaches. Executives have a vast
array of assistants to keep them focused and on-track. Successful
people get others to push them to keep them successful.

*The successful man PROVES IT TO HIMSELF that the methodologies he
is using work. He fights and rails against them until he finds they
are correct, and tries to undermine/reassess them from time to
time. He gets success using a system because he is solidly
confident in it. The unsuccessful man may take someone’s word that
it works, or even see others using it. He may know logically that
something works - but he hasn’t proved it to himself, and probably
doesn’t feel it in his heart.

*The successful man has a burning desire to succeed - So far, I’ve
found no correlation between the reasons people want success. Some
people want to succeed for totally unhealthy reasons - They want
attention, are insecure, etc. Surprisingly, these reasons seem to
work. Regardless, the successful man REALLY wants success. He
doesn’t “think it would be cool to get chicks”, he DEMANDS and
CRAVES social skills for some reason or other. I’ve seen many
different reasons - desire to apply them to make more money, desire
to have many beautiful women, desire to be ready to get “Miss
Right” if/when she comes around, desire to reproduce, lust for
power, insecurity, want of validation, want to show off, wanting to
conquer something, using it as a general pathway to great overhaul
in lifestyle and self-improvement… Some of the reasons are
awesome, some I would deem unhealthy - but even if you have a
rooted unhealthy desire to be great, it can lead to greatness (of
course, the highest levels require purging that unhealthy desire -
but it’s actually pretty easy once you’re good to stop being down
on yourself - that’s how it went for me among others, and was a
liberating experience. Like, “Wow, I got into this for the wrong
reasons, but it worked out pretty well. Huh.”)

*The successful man is either PROCESS oriented, or someone that’s
KICKING HIS ASS IN GEAR is. The unsuccessful man thinks “It’d be
great to have 10 women just feeding me grapes in my harem”. The
successful man goes one step at a time, and chips away at results.

*They successful man HONESTLY assesses progress. If he compares
himself to a legend, it’s inspirational and not depressing. He
doesn’t think “If only I had those results…” thinking about
someone playing the game on a different level. He plays for
himself. If the guy is a virgin, and lays his first girl, he pats
himself on the back. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a
single step. -Confucious

*The successful man gets MOTIVATED by failure. Coming *so close*
burns him up, and makes him try harder and burn hard to get there.
The unsuccessful man gets depressed, and fails to realize that the
most valuable lessons are often learned on the brink of exhaustion,
in times of desperation, and upon hitting rock bottom. He turns
away the very thing that would allow him to climb out of the hole
he’s in. The successful man takes his lumps “like a man” for lack
of a better word, embraces the pain, learns the lessons, and GETS
IT RIGHT next time.

*The successful man is NOT attached to what he’s already been
doing. As soon as a man gets too attached to what he did yesterday,
he stops getting better.

*And lastly, the successful man is not a patient man. Old age comes
before patience. The successful man makes risky decisions, and
doesn’t waste time. If a situation is dragging out, the successful
man will frequently make turn it into a “win/lose” situation. He
doesn’t mess around with one girl stringing him out, he does
something stupid that will land her 1 out of 10 times, and put an
end to the debacle the other 9 out of 10. Someday as he gets
better, he may land the girl 7 out of 10 times on his “gamble” but
he’ll never mess around and waste 20 times the effort on the girl
that he could spend taking 1 in 10 chances. His ego may get bruised
from time to time, it may hurt and burn, but the successful man is
not a patient man. When confused about the situation, he does
something drastic and makes the situation come to a conclusion one
way or another. Then if he fails, he scrapes himself off the pave
and does it again - until it starts to work.

Sebastian

–

theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman

A Soulmate’s Moment is one of the most powerful things you can
achieve when meeting a woman - maybe you’ve felt it. It’s when you
feel that deep belief inside you that you two were truly destined
for each other. It was once thought to be only rare and special
occasions that they could be felt.

As of March 2007 - you can create them.

My friend Jonathan and I were partying at his loft. His girlfriend
is amazingly beautiful and they’re totally in love with each other.
She’s a top model for one of the top agencies in the United States,
who has done work for Levi’s, Calvin Klein, major alcohol brands…
An elite girl in every sense of the word. And together we analyzed
how they’d fallen head over heels for each other:

By pure chance, a Soulmate’s Moment had been created: A Soulmate’s
Moment is when you two find out that you have the same weakness
wrapped in what appears to be your biggest strength.

For Jonathan’s girl, she’s an elite model, blessed with both natural
beauty and charm - but it also takes a lot of hard work to develop
your physique and charm. It turns out Jonathan has built himself
in a master of the social arts - for a similar reason that his girl
became a model.

They both strive to be the center of attention, but come from
backgrounds where they were both kind of smart, dorky kids. Finding
out that what was most intimidating to outsiders about her - her
carefully built social image - was also her largest insecurity -
made her and Jonathan have a Soulmate’s Moment.

To create a Moment like that:

*Show her you understand her strength, and relate it to a key
strength you have
*Show her you understand why other people are intimidated by her
strength (which implies you’re not)

and

*Show her you understand how it comes at a price, hurts sometimes,
and other people can’t see that.

Extremely powerful.

For some of the girls that are highly desirable - and quite
intimidating - here are four of the top combinations that to create
Soulmate’s Moments:

Beautiful/Insecure
Successful/Fear of Loss
Privileged/Sheltered
Outgoing/Hardened

We’ll have more on this tech for you playboys - Seriously powerful,
so recommended only to use on girls you truly like.

Sebastian
–
theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman

Or better yet, how do you let her know that the vibe you’re putting off in the beginning is the real you?

How does she know that after she sleeps with you all of what you said will be backed up?

All three of these questions have the same answer.

Credibility.

When most guys think they don’t have enough value, 90% of the time, it’s credibility they lack. In fact, most of everything used to create value these days only serves to make a nasty woman-repelling player vibe.

(and anyone who’s anyone KNOWS I don’t even teach value. Not for a damn second!)

“Player vibe” is not actually a bad vibe, but a mistake in building and maintaining credibility.

Being able to create credibility is one of the key components to sleeping with a girl quickly.

The other component is sexual tension.

And as a good student of pick-up, you know that some women need sexual tension to sleep with you and the other half need credibility first. (You do know that, right?)

So let’s get down to it:

There are three levels of credibility.

1. Safety
2. Commonality
3. Direction

Safety: The most basic and fundamental level of credibility, you need to demonstrate SAFETY before a woman will be alone with you and sleep with you.

Commonality: You need to demonstrate commonality in order for a woman to continue sleeping with you, or have a relationship with you.

Direction: You need to show direction in order to get a woman to leave her current boyfriend or change her existing life plans to be with you.

A WORD ABOUT SOCIAL PROGRAMMING ->

You have to realize that every person you meet is socially programmed in a different way. Even you have social programming. We all do.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing. On the contrary, it’s very useful.

Realize that although we understand a lot of a woman’s behaviors come from her social programming, we can’t expect her to realize that.

While men have evolved an instinct to try to sleep with as many women as possible, women have evolved an instinct to choose guys who demonstrate a high chance of sticking around to raise children.

And this instinct is reinforced by social programming.

Her programming is her reality. Her programming is literally her world.

And credibility is about showing you understand her world.

HERE’S AN EXAMPLE ->

Think about if you were in your bedroom. Comfortably warm sitting in a chair.

And then a guy came in. And he said he was cold.
And wanted to turn up the heat. Then he told you he liked the couch you were sitting in.
And asked if he could urinate in the corner.

You would feel pretty uncomfortable with him. You might even think he’s crazy.

He’s showing you that he’s not seeing the same reality as you. He’s “in his own world”.

I bet you wouldn’t trust a guy like that.

Because he has shown you that he doesn’t understand your world, and doesn’t respect your world - you probably wouldn’t connect with him, or feel like giving him compliance.

This is how women feel when you don’t demonstrate credibility.

If she thinks that it’s a bad thing for people to kiss and tell (and most women do) -> You should show her you ALSO believe it’s bad for people to kiss and tell.

The fact that you have the same perceptions about the world as her will build your credibility immensely.

You can think of the three levels in this way:

Safety - It’s safe to have you in her world.
Commonality - You see the same things in her world. (Similar perceptions, values, and goals)
Direction - You have the ability to rearrange and alter her world.

These are best demonstrated in order.

And you can get really good at this. At first, guys are usualy good at meeting a certain kind of woman.

It’s because he naturally understands a certain type of worldview.

But as you get good, you’ll start to be able to match ANY woman’s worldview.

The best way of doing this is by anticipating her thoughts and verbalizing her feelings or views about the world, as if they are your own.

At first you will just be remembering things she’s said in the past, and then repeating it after she’s forgotten she’s said anything.

Then you will get good at pacing her reality and leading. Eventually it gets to the point where you can intuitively understand her reality. Then she will trust you to change it for her. You enter her world, and then start teaching her new things about HER world.

That’s when you know you get this thing.

When someone comes along who understands a woman’s reality so well, she doesn’t just think he’s perceptive and skilled, she just feels a connection.

She thinks “He’s just like me!”

This is really the easiest thing in the world. Yet so many people mess it up.

It’s a major piece and you’ll watch your game improve dramatically once you get this.

Vin

Hi gents -

The following was written in by one of the newest instructors at
theApproach, Alex. Alex is a distinguished gentleman hallmarked by
his great insights in the game, relaxed and fluid style, excellent
image and lifestyle sense, and a really strong set of ethics about
helping others to succeed. After training with all the high-level
instructors at theApproach, Alex has become a full instructor of
theApproach. He writes in with his experience using VAC to help
guide a loved one to a good decision.

Enjoy.

***

Value +
Attainability +
Compliance
=
Attraction

Thus VAC=Attraction

VAC: Not just to lay girls, but to help people succeed too…

I realized that VAC is not just for pickup and attraction, but
for all relationships and human interactions. But never did I
think I would use VAC to secure an internship for my sister.
Crazy, I know, but let me explain.

My sister went to a small liberal arts school, very local, and NOT
known for sending students to great internships, or even to great
schools for graduate school. My sister knew she needed an
internship that summer but was procrastinating in starting the
process.

As the deadlines were fast approaching for the applications, I
called my sister and she told me she had yet to start. I inquired
why and I got a slew of reasons: “Do they even take people from
Shepherd? I got a B in my class last semester. My GPA is only
3.4….” As I was hearing these comments, I was unsure of how to
help my sister through this.

Then it became obvious. There was an attraction problem. My
sister was not attracted to doing this internship. Her comments,
“Do they even take people from Shepherd College? I got a B in my
class last semester, etc…” These comments were all ATTAINABILITY
problems. She did not believe “Can a girl like me get an
internship like this?”. The first thing I did was reassure her
that people from shepherd had gotten these types of internships
before. Then I told her that people with lower GPA’s also got
internships. I even showed her how one of the programs were
specifically looking for dual majors in chemistry and mathematics.
The effect was this: “A girl like me CAN get an internship like
this.” At the end of the call, I made her repeat three times “A
girl like me CAN get an internship like this”. I made her say this
every time I called her about it.

I talked with her and used some forward future projection, painting
a picture of the opportunities she would have with this internship.
Meeting new people JUST like her, working on important problems
for the government, and the chance to implement her ideas and
skills, even do some killer shopping while in DC for the summer.
This effectively raised the VALUE of the internship to her. I
thought everything was good to go as VALUE and ATTAINABILITY were
both HIGH.

I called a couple days later ahead of the upcoming deadline in two
weeks. I asked her about her progress and she indicated that she
had yet to start the application.

What the hell? I thought this was handled.

I asked her a couple questions about it and figured out that VALUE
was HIGH, ATTAINABILITY was HIGH but there was NO COMPLIANCE. For
her to start the entire application was too much work. I needed to
break it down into something small and get her working on it.

I verbally agreed with her that the applications were a lot of work
and told her to just hand the professors the recommendation forms.
If she did nothing else, I would still love her and respect her,
but at least she would have the forms if she wanted to proceed.
This is very low compliance task, all she has to do is turn over
the recommendation forms and the professor fills them out and gives
them back. It’s a little compliance on her part and very easy to do.

I called a couple days later with only one week to the deadline. I
asked her what’s up and she said she had almost finished the
application. She told me that a couple days ago her professor had
turned over the recommendation forms and they looked really nice.
When she read them, she felt compelled to finish the application.
I smiled as I realized that once she completed the low compliance
task of turning over the recommendation forms, she was now invested
in the application process.

When the professors gave her the glowing recommendation forms, it
had the effect of rewarding her good compliance. The rewarded
compliance compelled to finish the applications and turn them on
time.

I learned a valuable lesson that attraction is more than just
pickup and seduction. Attraction is what allows us to focus on
what we want and acquire what is we desire. In this case, when
you’re mentoring someone or helping to guide them along in their
development, sometimes you have to know how to get them attracted.
VAC can do this for you. My sister was able to see the VALUE and
have ATTAINABILITY but she still did not fill out the applications.
It wasn’t till I got a basic level of COMPLIANCE from her till she
was truly invested in completing her applications.

Alex
–
theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman

Alex lives, works, and now sometimes trains in Washington, D.C. His
background is in the physical sciences, but he enjoys a deep love
of human interaction, socializing, art, aesthetics, and sex.

We’re honored to have him as part of theApproach Team!

Hey gents -

I was cleaning out my hard drive today, going through old docs.
Here’s a piece that was part of a roughed up introduction to a
piece I was writing on Mutual Value Escalation. For those of you
who haven’t heard, it used to be something I was stressing all the
time: In an interaction, winning more via the people you’re
interacting with winning. To put it this way - If you start at a
value of “6″ and she starts at “7″, you’ve got issues, no? Some men
would suggest you knock her down to grab some status. Maybe a +1
you, -1 her. So you go to 7, and she goes to 6, and then you have a
shot. The problem is - she’s now “damaged goods” - you’ve now got a
girl whose not living up to her potential, somewhat insecure, that
might lash back at you. Sure, it’s better than what most guys do -
“Can I buy you a drink?” Which is -1 guy, +1 girl. So the guy goes
down to a 5 and the girl takes a bitchy 8 stance. Now, of course
putting a number to your social status is pretty arbitrary and
ridiculous - but the idea stands.

Here’s the excerpt from the old, uncompleted work:

***

During any social interaction, one of five things is happening:

-You’re winning, they’re losing. (”taking”, being a “taker”)
-You’re losing, they’re winning. (”giving”, being a “giver”)
-You’re both winning. (”escalating”, being a “leader”)
-You’re both losing. (”degrading”, being a “degrader”)
-Nothing is changing. (neutral interaction)

This is what we call “mutual value”. Two people have their value
constantly play on each other. The maximum benefit you can get out
of any interaction will be being a mutual value escalator, also
known as a leader. This will be the methods we teach, though we
will also delve a little bit into how to take from someone’s
expense if they’re being disrespectful or rude. In other words, if
they’re to take from you, we’ll turn the tables on them.

***

To put it into numbers, again, you’re a “male 6″, she’s a “female 7″

Originally:
You: 6
Her: 7

Do nothing:
You: 6
Her: 7

Supplicate/fawn:
You: 5
Her: 8

Supplicate really, really badly:
You: 2
Her: 7

Try to “knock her off her pedestal”:
You: 7
Her: 6

But my favorite is to raise the other person up. The fact is, a
confident leader that makes people always better, always stronger
around him, has his own value perceived to be increased in the
process. If people feel stronger around you, and you carry yourself
well and confidently in the process, then you gain even more.

So mutual value escalation:

Her: 8

She went up… and you’re only a 6, right? Wrong! Improving people
in a confident, genuine way that upholds your standards and doesn’t
supplicate actually increases YOUR value!

So, originally:

You: 6
Her: 7

Raise her value up through high standards, praise, leading, and
showing genuine interest and appreciate for her:

You: 9+
Her: 8+

The numbers are arbitrary and ridiculous, but the point stands -
leading people to be the best people they can be increases your
social value more than anything else you could do. You do have to
have base value to begin with to even start this process, but if
you do, confident leading and raising people up will increase your
value higher than anything else you could do. The only time you
“take” from people - gain social value at their expense - is when
they’re incapable of mutual value escalation. Those people you beat
down as appropriate, or when employing subtlety, use the retarded
look and other forms of minor social pressure and withdrawing your
time. Thankfully, the vast majority of people (including beautiful
women!) are capable of mutual value escalation, and respond well to
confident leaders that guide them gently to being the best person
they could be.

Sebastian