QUESTION FOR SEBASTIAN:

Dear Sebastian:

I have a great girlfriend who is very devoted to me (I definitely have the reverse supplication thing going for me to a certain degree). See I have tons of acquantinces, a few friends, and little to no really good friends, so i’m kind of banging my head up a wall to figure out why. I’ve never been the guy where people are like “Hey man we’re having a party tonight, you should come”. For a long time I was a social retard, so now i’m just trying to reclaim lost time. So, not really in relationship terms but in the sense for building long term friendships with people. How do I do that?

Thanks,
W

ANSWER FROM SEBASTIAN:

Hey W -

I hear where you’re coming from now. Believe it or not, I’m much the same way - A lot of people who are really ambitious in life and chase a lot of success have lots of friends but few “very close” friends. Not including one of my girlfriends, I have just one myself.

Of course, it all depends on what you mean by “very close” - I have lots of friends that I trust a ton, and can count on, and yes I do get those party invites. It comes down to basically two things as I see it -

You need to contribute more than you ask for from people. This includes being fun, social, insightful, etc. As your general conversational skills improve, and you get more interesting experiences, that’ll help. Vibing and other conversational skills can be learned.

And the second part, which I’d hazard to guess is where you’re “not on point” - is time. To have really close friends, you need to spend a lot of time with them. That’s why I don’t have a lot of really, really close friends - I don’t have time to spend hanging out with people, developing deep friendships, etc. A lot of the really successful people I know have one really close confidant type, then usually a close S.O. girlfriend type they can lean on, and LOTS of acquaintences, casual friends, and people they respect that they stay in touch with. That’s because it takes a *lot* of
work to make really deep friendships. Long hours of conversation, hanging out, learning and growing together.

Half the battle is probably meeting someone you want to be close friends with. The easy answer is a strong common interest. Exercise and combat sports tend to be common ones - Martial arts, fencing, weightlifting. Dancing. Pickup, possibly (I met Vinny through the “seduction community” actually). Any clubs. Maybe a job, or a
sport. Chess, actually. Tobacco, ironically enough. Politics. Maybe…

The key is to join organizations that have the kind of people you like to be around in them. That’s simultaneously a lot easier and a lot harder than it sounds. Step one might be figuring out what your interests are. If you’re a “dabbler” (I’m one), a jack-of-all-trades master-of-none type - it can be tougher.

If you were asking for my out and out advice - I’d say develop your social skills and general life skills to an extremely high degree. Focus on the process, not the result. Sleeping with bunches of women will help your overall confidence and overall social skills. If that doesn’t appeal to you, I understand, but it helps a lot. Guys are actually easier to socialize with than girls - by far - but you don’t get the #1 push towards closeness you get with girls (sex). Sex brings you really close with a woman. For guys, the common experience and deep connection comes from other stuff - Oftentimes figuring out/conquering problems together, going through tough times together, achieving a common goal, anything that feels like or simulates combat (examples would be rough physical sports, military service even if it’s peaceful and you never actually are in live combat, being say, on the police force together). All those would make you closer with people. But the biggest thing is just time. Deep friendships take a long time to make, and to spend that much time with someone, you’d have to really like them and click with them. So again, get into figuring out what you like and your interests and go from there.

A few years ago, I found myself asking this very question. I was saying, “I understand women now. I can meet girls I like, have quick fun casual things, and then find quality girlfriends if I want. Now, how the hell do I make quality friends?” Since then, I’ve struck into a great friendship with the one cat who I talk to almost every day, swap advice and sort out and conquer problems. Then I’ve got lots of other friends. The party invites come from having lots of people you’re cool with who see you are having a lot to offer, so general improvement in social skills helps there. As for deep friendship - Step one is figuring out what you want in life, step two is figuring out where people who want the same thing are, and step three is joining that circle. The rest flows pretty easily.

All the best,

Sebastian

Now more than ever, I can point my finger to exactly one part of the Western society woman, and tell you what she is looking for:

To feel good.

It’s it. That simple. The vast majority of women in the West want to feel good, and will evaluate most decisions in those terms. Any perceived attempts by a man, or another woman, to make her feel bad will cause resentment. She will think the person is less valuable, and relate to him less (bad for value, and attainability - two parts of what create attraction).

In fact, the most attractive men are men that seem to want to feel good, and make others around them feel good. If you’re part of the “feel good” club, you will seem more valuable, and women will understand where you’re coming from. This is where the basis for one night stands, short term flings, the “thing on the side”, and so on come from. Women now turn to marriage with a stable guy when that would make the most sense in terms of feeling good - once social pressure begins to build up that she should be married, once she’s grown bored in her career, when she feels children will make her feel good. And even then - she’s likely to take a man on the side from time to time. Numbers on how many women have extra-marital affairs are murky and deluded, but regardless of what scale you’re using - they’re pretty damn high.

Now at this point, many men reading this might be starting to get resentful of women. And any women reading this might become indignant. This is from a lack of communication.

The fact is - the pursuit of good emotions is no more right, wrong, true, untrue, just, unjust, noble or petty than anything else in the world. Life is what you make of it and what you want to make of it, and if you desire is feel good things, then that is fine. In fact, it’s a fairly straightforward goal, and not a bad focusing point until you develop other causes in your life you might want to champion (for women, this is often their children as they get older - men usually take on other causes).

If you want to have women in your life, my friend, you need to seem like a “feel good” thing, and in fact, anything you do that portrays you like to feel good and want others to feel good will increase both your value (for obvious reasons) and your attainability (because women can relate to it).

TEN RULES OF FEELING GOOD:

1. Make yourself feel good first.
2. Never try to make anyone feel bad.
3. Try to make everyone around you feel good.
4. Making other people around you feel good makes YOU feel good - even making others feel good is a semi-selfish gesture.
5. You never sacrifice your own good feelings to make another person feel good.
6. You don’t feel negative emotions, except when doing so makes you feel good.
7. You don’t try to fix problems - you try to make people feel better about them.
8. If it’s not your job, don’t try to go logical, or linear about issues around. It’s not fun.
9. Never look down on anything - be indifferent about stuff that you don’t like.
10. If you’re failing to keep one of those rules, that’s okay as long as you keep the appearance that you’re following them.

The ideal kind of fun comes from a leader who engages in “mutual value escalation” - this is where someone makes someone else feel good, and themself feel good at the same time. Why do women love gay guys so much? They follow the feel-good plan, and mutually value escalate a lot.

“OH - MY - GOD! You’re SO Pretty!”

You might also note that that almost all of the cultures of the world that are thought to be the most sexual/desired engage in these behaviors - They often greet each other with big hugs, lots of kisses, compliments, and great hosting/entertaining of each other. They play games, dance, and drink together. They want everyone to feel good.

It’s simply unacceptable to put someone down unless they’re trying to ruin someone’s fun. Anyone that’s increasing the fun and good emotions around is to celebrated with. Your M.O. for dealing with fun people needs to be joining into the fun - or more accurately, bringing them into your fun. If they’re unable to join in having fun with you, THEN you may dismiss them - remember, it’s wrong to disdain someone. We simply ignore those who aren’t fun, or occasionally have a little fun at their expense.

It’s impossible for someone to have fun at your expense if you’re someone that follows the culture of having fun. If someone makes fun of you, you laugh, smile, embrace them, joke about it, or make a good retort. But your goal in doing so is to have fun and good emotions, and to make them and everyone else around have fun too. If you want to deal with guys who don’t have your best intentions at heart, simply try to have mass amounts of fun with them. They’ll either have fun with you and come to have your best intentions at heart (they’re now your friends) or they’ll miss a step, stop having fun, get offended, et cetra - and they’re then cooked.

-S

1. Genuine connection with another person should serve as the basis of your game. It doesn’t matter how good your techniques are if you can’t achieve a genuine connection.

2. Always work to increase the positivity of interactions, and strive to improve the emotions of the people around you. Trying to hurt people only destroys your own value.

3. The immediate moment, the “now” is always more important than any previous moment. Never allow yourself to get stuck in previous moments during the pickup, regardless of what happened.

4. It is not sufficient to be a man. You must become an “idea”. Women are attracted to ideas, not men. Once you determine what YOU stand for, your “idea”, make EVERY SINGLE element of your game congruent to that. Everything you do, say, how you dress, your mannerisms, your techniques should serve to reinforce that “idea”. Any deviation from your “idea” is a leak in your game that needs to be fixed. This accounts for why some techniques work for some people and not others.

5. When using techniques and routines, you must communicate yourself through the techniques, not hide behind them. Many men got into the game because they had a fear of letting women see the real them. Routines and techniques have become a very convenient veil that they could hide behind. Don’t let this happen.

6. Demonstrations of value should flow naturally from the reality of your life. Value is built, not fabricated.

7. Value is largely perceived as a vibe which is sensed on a subconscious level. How long does it take you to figure out if you like a person or not? 1 minute? 30 seconds? Some of my most memorable relationships came from 1-3 minute number closes.

8. The nature of your thoughts is the first determinant of your outcome. Your mental “focus” always takes precedence over structure. Never sacrifice your focus in order to follow a generic linear path.

9. Life is unpredictable. Contingencies always come up. Since women will pay attention to your reactions in all kinds of different situations, your game is only as good as your spontaneous conversation and behaviors.

10. Time is irrelevant to pickup. If you spent 30 minutes with a woman, but the last 5 were boring, you would have been better off venuechanging / getting a number at the 25 minute mark. If you have a problem with flaking, you don’t need to spend more time, you need to improve your vibe.

Originally from theApproach Alumni forum.

A lot of people have been asking me about attainability lately, and I get the sense that maybe people don’t have quite a good handle on it. I’ll try to clear it up a bit since it is probably the least understood / codified concept in the community but at the same time the most powerful.

The lack of proper attainability game accounts for so many guys not closing the deal it makes my head spin.

Firstly, attainability is NOT “Let the girl know she can get you.”

It has a very specific set of definitions which I’ll get to in a moment.

First, let me tell you where my research on attainability comes from:

1. It comes from my 3+ year development of Natural game in which a basic assumption is that you assume more emotional strength / stability than the girl. What flows from this is the fact that you MUST reassure her in some way as opposed to making her insecure which always has potential to introduce enough doubt to start the ARM (auto-reject) mechanism cycle. The ARM cycle of course will prevent the girl from seeing your value, and cause her to treat you as if you have none.

2. Long talks with a seasoned bisexual female PUA friend of mine, who has fucked more girls than both Sebastian and I put together, I think she got started in middle school or something silly. She claims to have never failed in converting a seemingly “straight” woman (married, boyfriend, no matter) once she decided she wanted her. She basically broke down her method to me (well it wasn’t really a “method” per se until I codified it and called it “attainability”) It now is the basis of our Attainability component in the VAC system and revolves around the concept of building friendship. Asking my bisexual friend how she fucked all these girls, in one sentence she could answer “I just became their friend”.

3. Crystalization of “High Value Attainability” which came to me in a sensory deprivation tank experience (one of the inner-game / goal reaching things I do, which produces clarity you’ve never experienced - they say 90% of your brainpower is used up processing the input of your five senses - remove the input and you get that 90% back…) I jumped out of the tank and took notes frantically for later review.

VALUE:
So basically, we understand the V component, which is to demonstrate higher value - and in Natural Game we do it by passive demonstration, not active demonstration.

Active demonstration a la Mystery Method flows like “I have to increase my value now, let me tell X story”

Passive demonstration a la Woodhaven Natural Game flows like “Which reminds me of X story. (Whoah she’s gonna LOVE this one!)”

The problem with active demonstration, even though they both involve story X, is that the story is delivered from a need to increase value, which can be sensed by 95% of women, especially attractive ones who are used to that type of thing and see it 20 times a day.

Passive demonstration works fine, and combined with proper focus (Charge the venue, proactively socialize etc…) produces value in spades.

COMPLIANCE:

Compliance is necessary since people need to work for every other thing that is valuable in their lives. Ever had the feeling like “That’s too good to be true” or “That’s such a good deal, it’s gotta be a sham” That is the feeling that comes from the perceived lack of putting work in for something. Compliance lends CREDIBILITY to your value.

Make them work.

ATTAINABILITY:

Attainability is defined three ways. Doing any one of these three will produce proper attainability and allow you to capitalize fully on the value you have built. If you refuse to build attainability you will need to create approximately 10X the value to get the same effect.

1. Respect as a friend.

Does the girl feel like she could be friends with you, regardless if you’re having sex or not? Do you have commonalities, common interests and observations? Can you vibe and make each other laugh?

Use respect as a friend to kill the player vibe, and show her you are willing to stick around after you sex her, or even if you don’t sex her. Ultimatums are for losers. Ironically, respect as a friend will increase the chances of her sleeping with you.

Most hot girls with things going for them screen out players. Guys who say girls love players are sleeping with ugly girls, regardless of what they tell you

2. A girl like me can get a guy like him.

Are you capable of sustaining friendships and relationships with girls of similar characteristics? Demonstrate closeness with other girls. Do your social proof to get this one. If you can’t do real social proof, use implied social proof.

Example - implied social proof:

Her: “What did you do today?”

You: “Oh, it’s a long story. Ok ok.. I have this friend named Jen. And she slept with this guy I know. And the fucking idiot goes around and tells everyone he slept with her…

The girl finds out and shes just devastated, so shes all upset. She calls me up and she wanted me to find out why he opened his big mouth about it.

So i told her she could come over - I was just basically staying home practicing guitar, so she came over and watched… and we talked…

It’s really too bad though, cause she’s such a sweet girl - and she just wanted to know why some guys are like that.

And in the end I really didn’t have a good answer for her. What would you tell her?”

3. Conditional Availability.

This one goes hand in hand with compliance. Let a girl know she can get you by working or meeting some condition. Show that you like something very specific about her that is also non-physical. This is where screening and qualification comes in. You use it to set up challenges.

Here are some quick examples:

-Most of my friends are X. What’s the most X thing you’ve ever done?

-I have such a soft spot for girls who are X. Do you consider yourself X?

-Vulnerability: “Most of the girls I’ve had relationships with haven’t been all that
attractive. People ask me ‘What are you doing seeing that girl? You can do
better’. It’s because they’re generally really fun people who were really nice
to me, really giving. They also took an interest in the things I am passionate
about.”

-”You know most people I meet are hard to connect with, but I feel there’s something about you that’s very genuine.”

-”You have a very down to earth sense of humor. It’s easy to be with you.”

-”You know I meet so many girls who play games. But you don’t have time for that bullshit. You’re so real and genuine… I like that.”

VAC MANIPULATION:

The beauty of the VAC system is it’s nonlinearity. You can fix or improve your situation at any point in your interaction, depending on where your V, A, C values are at. The only other factor you should be aware of is precedence, and for now just realize that the more times you have hurt precedence (she made decisions against your favor, she acted on decsions against your favor, she “socially announced” decisions against your favor) the longer time it will take to reverse it.

If you have V and A, get C.

If you have A and C, get V.

Or in my following example if you have V and C, get massive A:

VAC Manipulation LR:

I was a Boston Nightclub in the fall time on workshop. I was doing a demo on an HB9.2 - (there’s a link to the pic at the bottom of the post if you want an idea of how I scale my ratings) Chick was in a group of about 6 girls and 4 guys.

I go in SitRel, socialize with the group etc, screen quaify, vibe..etc. My VAC at this point is relatively nice and even. (It’s better to have a well rounded VAC than huge deficiencies, as you’ll see in a moment)

Talking for 20 minutes, I decide to get back to our guys - I eject cordially and catch up the guys. About 30 minutes later I see HB talking to another guy.

I find Sebastian, and he somehow convinces me it would be fun to blow the guy out.

I go in, use standard Woodhaven AMOG tactics for Sebastian’s amusement. Normally I would just befriend the guy and slowly sap his value away, but I was in an asshole-ish mood.

Guy straight up walks away from me and the HB.

HB looks at me and exclaims “What did you say to him! Where did he go!”. Ooops.. She was actually being set up with that guy through a common friend.

I have value (walked right up and killed some guy’s game) , I have compliance (she was forced to accept the consequences of my actions), but I have a major attainability problem. A friend would never do something like that.

I grab her number using one of my dirty tricks, and go back to the workshop. (Even though I got the number, it was pretty much bad)

I use an open loop text message. (These ALWAYS work) - no response from HB.

I call her and leave a few messages - no response.

A few weeks later I text her “Simon from american Idol. What’s his last name?” (A common VAC text message / VM that I use)

She texts me back and tells me to leave her alone. She then calls and starts yelling at me.

Convo like this:

HB: “Why are you calling me?”
Me: “Uhh why not, you were the one who gave me your number?”
HB: “You’re not supposed to have my number. You tricked me into giving it to you.”
Me: “Are you THAT gullible that people can trick you into giving your number away?”
HB: “And what did you say to that guy - you made him leave!”
Me: “Don’t blame me if a guy isn’t interested in you, sweetie. It’s not my problem.”
HB: “Don’t EVER call me again.” -click-

Realize NO guys ever talk to this girl like that. They don’t stand up for themselves and they don’t call her on her shit.

Me = Asshole: Value and Compliance = high, Attainability = low

A few weeks go by, and I decide to call her, and fix my attainability as an experiment.

Christmas eve, I call back, surprisingly she answers:

Me: “Hi sweetie, I know I upset you before, but with you know, christmas is coming and everything and I just think we should put the past behind us, and I want you to know there’s no hard feelings.” (Major high value attainability)

HB: “Yeah you know with the holidays right around the corner theres no reason we should be like that, we could maybe start talking and stuff.”

With a line that takes 10 seconds to say, I have built proper attainability and reconstructed my entire VAC with this girl.

Why did this work?

You have to realize that people only emotionally react to those who have higher value than them. HVA presupposes an emotional effect (I know I upset you before).

I then framed it as if we were old friends burying the hatchet and making up. This solves Attainability definition #1 - respect as a friend.

She started calling me on a regular basis, I arranged a meet, handled logistics and full closed her.

We are now still together, and within 3 weeks of the full close she’s in love and tells me so.

Vin

1. If you actually have a valuable characteristic about you, it will be obvious to someone from interacting with you.

2. You can cultivate the appearance of valuable and attractive traits. Doing this will make you seem like you have that trait - and over time, you’ll grow into the role. Even if you’re not confident, if you act confident, you will slowly become confident.

3. You can actively demonstrate traits about yourself. You can tell a joke to show you’re funny, make an approach to show you’re confident, tease a girl to show you’re not scared of her, and so on.

Which of the these three ways of expressing value is the most effective way to pickup? This has been a subject of great debate for some time. Here’s what people have decided:

1. “Actually being confident” and “actually being funny” are the easiest ways to appear confident and funny with no effort on your part in the short term. BUT, if you’re not confident, or funny, or a leader, or quickwitted, or charismatic, it can take the longest amount of time to become these things. It takes a while to internalize things you’ve learned and are working on.

2. Cultivating the appearance of a trait: This is faster in the long term than actually becoming it, AND it helps you become it. So, it’s easier to appear confident than to actually be confident. And appearing confident all the time will make you more confident. This still does take a while to accomplish.

3. Actively demonstrating a trait every time you need to, such as going out of your way to tell a joke to every woman you meet so she knows you’re funny: This is the most efficient route in the short term (can be done instantly) but in the long term, will add up to far more time spent. This is because it is a lot of work to constantly be demonstrating things like being confident and emotionally steadfast in a relationship to keep her around, or to demonstrate traits to every woman you try to meet. Actively demonstrating a trait is one of the first steps to cultivating the appearance of a trait.

The best pickup artists employ all three of these ways of showing/having value. They’ll start by using the third way, active demonstration, to get their feet wet and experiment with their new stuff. Over time, they’ll start changing their body language, eye contact, tonality, style, and even general speaking patterns. This will lead to the appearance of valuable traits. Over time, this results in evolution into actually having these traits. Many men start by learning funny retorts to insults and disrespectful behavior. Over time, they ideally evolve into quickwitted guys.

Of the three ways to show value, they fall into two categories: Active and Passive. And entire pickup styles revolve around them.

Active: The assumption that you need to build value with a girl and working to do it.

Passive: The assumption that you have value, and it being communicated simply by your presence.

A good pickup artist, even one with a lot of Passive Value, will still actively demonstrate a characteristic about himself when it’s useful. Master PUA’s will even demonstrate things that would be unattractive coming from a weaker man, things like vulnerability or a really strong affinity for a girl we’ve just met. We do this to keep the woman thinking we’re attainable, so she doesn’t get dejected and end the interaction to preserve her ego.

Many men in the seduction community weren’t the “cool kids” when they were growing up. In high school, college, and before and after those times, they weren’t really popular. So when one of these guys hears “Just be cool” or “Wear cool clothes and act normal”, they can’t identify with it. Guys who have some level of self-esteem built, either through luck or because they worked hard for it, will have an easier time accepting this:

Every man who wants to improve himself has some passive value.

Simply by being intelligent enough to want to improve and ambitious enough to try it, you’ve got SOME value. Maybe not ENOUGH to rely on it exclusively, but you must accept the fact that you have passive value. Don’t assume you start out at zero: It’s a bad place to work from, and will result in tryhard behavior.

Instead, realize objectively what you’ve got going for you, and try to get other things going for you. At the very, very least, anyone here has a base level of intelligence, education, self-respect, and a hunger for more, an ambition and a will to get success: All of which are attractive.

The biggest place this debate comes up is regarding teaching. Whether it’s an international business doing lectures and workshops or it’s just a guy teaching his wing, or friend, or brother, people argue about where to start.

A lot of guys rising into the “new school” of natural game think that active value building is to be frowned upon. When Vinny codified and published The Transition to Natural Game, he did not mean to shun all forms of active value - I know because I eat and drink with him, and he’s said as much himself. Both Vin and I use techniques when it’s to our benefit. But it’s cool that we can throw the rulebook out the window and do pickup strictly on passive value.

A healthy system of self-improvement is one which makes its students or disciples both more actively valuable and passive valuable. That way, you’re more attractive before you speak a single word and you can choose to dial it up by sprinkling a little of your time into an interaction.

Hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. For all your viewing pleasure, here’s some ways to get a women putting in work to get you.

This will increase one of the three parts of Attraction. If you haven’t read the Model of Attraction, those are:

Value for her life
A sense you’re attainable
Her putting in effort to get you

“New Attraction Model” is available here:

http://www.theapproach.com/art_attraction_model.php

or in my archives, whatever you please.

Some questions from effigyc:
>So I want to talk more about
>the “making her work for you.”

Absolutely.

>Below is my understanding of
>what we’re talking about here,
>feel free to correct me if I’m
>wrong.
>
>We see a girl at a coffee
>shop. We start a
>conversation. We’re making
>her laugh, vibing with her,
>having a good time.

Okay at this point, you already have some value for her life. Showing confidence, fun, maybe a little humor, social savvy, that you’re cool, that you guys can have fun together.

Also since you’re connecting with her (vibing, having a good time) she likely has some sense you’re attainable. If you don’t see any sign of her Auto-Rejection Mechanism kicking in, assume the attainability’s there if you’ve got some connection.

So far, so good, except…

>Now, to
>insure that she’ll want to see
>us again, we’re going to make
>her put some effort into
>things.

… she hasn’t put any work in! Exactly!

This is the Cost/Value Conception. In short, people don’t value things they don’t pay for. A girlfriend of mine takes me out to an expensive restaurant and gets me a $40 glass of wine and I don’t finish it. I buy a bottle of water for myself and I refuse to throw it away before I drink it all.

The more EFFORT you put into getting something, the more you feel like you DESERVE it. That makes you actively want it, and want to pursue it and keep it. If I got given a bottle of water for free, but accidentally dropped it and it rolled under a table, I might just leave it there. But if I BUY the thing (effort) I’ll go get it.

So I feel like I deserve it more. The other thing it does is…

>Thusly, she’ll value
>them more.

Exactly! Great thinking man, your head’s in the right place. When a woman feels like she wants something, she’ll rationalize it’s more valuable to herself. So it’s a cycle, but to make a long story short:

Value for her life + Sense you could be attainable + Effort on her part =ATTRACTED

>The ways we go
>about this are:

There are LOTS of ways to do this. I could fill up 30 pages in a couple hours on how to do this. When I teach this stuff, I go on for quite a while. But a few things you can do:

>Neging - Let’s say we cut her
>off in the middle of something
>she’s saying, and say “Oh,
>you’ve kind of got a little
>booger there.” This would
>certainly embaress the shit
>out of her, and do some
>serious damage to
>”attainablity.” Would it
>however make her start working
>to get you? Is it even
>necissary?

A cardinal rule of negging is it’s supposed to be playful, not an insult. That said, if you ALREADY had some potential value, a neg can get them to work. If they react at all… they’re working to get you basically.

If they test you, they’re putting energy into the interaction to make it go forwards, and giving you an opportunity to pass her test (and we all know what happens when you do that). If she starts qualifying herself, she’s obviously working to get you.

However, if you had no value for her life at all, not potentially any (but don’t be fooled, body language, walking patterns, facial expressions, style, and image can all communicate potential value, not just your words) then she’d just ignore you. That’s actually the worst result you can get from a neg.

BUT if you neg at the wrong time, like if she’s really opening up and you neg her, it’ll tank attainability. That’ll set off her Auto-Rejection Mechanism and she’ll reject herself, which means she’ll shut down. ARM manifests itself different ways, but she might get very rude, might get quiet and walk away, or might go start seeking validation elsewhere. Regardless ARM is a mistake, it means you let attainability get too low and is not a good place to be. But a well-placed neg can get her to start putting work in (also something truly amazing that I learned from Mystery personally was that after he does his 3 neg thing, he then communicates a “You’ve passed” vibe to her and qualifies her. Amazing to see, hard to describe, but he’s framing it like she’s worked for him - Very masterful on his part, he knows his stuff)

>Getting her to verbally
>qaulify herself to you -
>there’s really only two ways I
>can think to do this. One is
>to simply ask her if she likes
>or can do certain things.
>i.e. do you like to go
>camping, or can you cook.

Basic screening questions, yes.

>Two would be to command her to
>qaulify herself. i.e. Style’s
>tell me three interesting
>qaulities you have, or to say
>”Well, its great that you love
>shopping, but isn’t there
>anything else you like to do?”

Okay, that’s a second. There’s lots more ways to get her to verbally qualify herself though. One way would be to disqualify her (see Japanese Nurse LR) on a characteristic she DOESN’T ACTUALLY HAVE. This will get them automatically qualifying themselves 90% of the time at the expense of your attainability (and if executed poorly, your value, since you will look like you don’t have social skills if you say an innocent girl is too wild, etc).

There’s lots of other ways. You can even make a blanket statement like, “Wow it’s a shame so many people watch so much TV these days. I like to relax and veg sometimes, but people give up SO much of the amazing world out there.” Will result in her verbally qualifying herself often.

Disqualify people in general who have a trait she herself doesn’t like, and tie the OPPOSITE to her verbally qualifying.

This is powerful. If she’s a world traveller, saying something like, “God so many people miss out on seeing the world, and I think they wind up being worse lovers and worse in relationships because of it.”

Most people who travel love to rant about people who just “stay in their own backyard all life”. So when you say that because of that they’re worse lovers… it means when she agrees with you and says she travels, she’s saying she’s a good lover and good in relationships. Therefore, she’ll feel like she’s worked for you afterwards.

Remember, all of these components aren’t about having/being/doing them, it’s about the perception of them. Perceived value for her life, perceived attainability, perceived effort put in. She might put no “real” effort in, but if she feels she’s worked hard for you, she’ll want her prize regardless of if she really worked hard or not. Imagine you’re getting ready for a big competition. You train really hard for the competition, days in and days out, sweat and blood. And you win! You’re going to want your prize. Now… what if the competition was fixed, but you don’t know that? You still feel like you worked hard to win, so you still feel attracted to the prize/title/status you got by winning. Even if the “work” that the women put in is “fixed”, and they’re not really working, that can be enough. Is it the best way? No, but it is a way.

>Getting her to physically do
>things. Like give you a
>massage or drive you
>somewhere.

Yes. Asking her to bring a small ingredient for cooking on her way over, or a bottle of wine. Or something unrelated to what you’re doing with her even.

If she says she has to go to the store later, hand her $5 and ask her to buy you a copy of Gentlemen’s Quarterly (magazine) while she’s there. This is actually triple-pronged attack territory: That little technique will increase your value, her sense of your attainability, and the effort she’s put in.

Effort: She’s doing you a favor, working to please you and help you.

Attainability: Many men wouldn’t realize that this technique increases attainability. It does. Any time you make plans past the current moment, it demonstrates you’ve already decided to see her again. Now if she turned out crazy, I’d cut my losses, let her keep the lousy magazine or $5, and bail. But that’s not the way the female mind works… When you’ve got something “on the burner” they feel you’re not going anywhere, and it increases the sense that it’s possible to have you.

Value: You’re confident and help delegate things you need help with to people you trust. You’re not burdening her… picking up a magazine at checkout doesn’t really make her life harder. Plus, it’s GQ, you’re a fashionable guy. You’re not being over the top with your request, just nonchalant (note for guys who dress really, really poorly: Choose a different magazine) about it.

Other “tangible” things she can do for work: Help cook, help clean your place (YES, you can get a woman you just met to help clean your place on a first or second meet, it just takes some game), do anything that furthers your life or appears to please or help you, or getting her to do any little thing.

>So my questions are these:
>
>Am I even on the right page
>here?

Yes, you’re definitely thinking in the right direction. You need to expand your horizons a little bit and think more. I’ve shared maybe 2% of my techniques for getting her to put in work with you here, there’s a lot that can be done. Think about it: What can you do to make her feel like she’s worked to get you?

Have fun with it. Not only will women in your life be more attracted to you if they’re working for you, but you’ll have more productive relationships. Enjoy!

>Are the techniques I’m
>talking about what Dimitri’s
>advocating using?
>
>What are some other ways of
>making her “work” for you?

Oh, there’s lots of things. Again, it’s the perception of her working to get you.

These can be big things, like favors. Obviously paying for you is good. “Hey, you got this one?” at a coffee shop will have her buying your coffee. This tends to be bad for attainability, but good for effort, and it near always works. I’ll often take a girl rollerskating on $2 skating night here. Skate rentals are $3, so it’s $10 for both of us. I say, “Hey, you got this one?” It’s $10, it’s meaningless… but she paid for the date, so now any charming of her I do, she feels like she earned and values a lot more.

Other stuff: Well-phrased and well-framed compliments can actually make it seem like she WORKED to have you open her! It’s amazing, isn’t it? Men often forget that women put in TONS of work to appeal to men. If you’re meeting up with her for a date and she looks really good, you can say, “Wow, I’m impressed. You must’ve taken a lot of time to fix yourself up but that means a lot to me - You look good girl.” You just framed it like she went out of her way to impress you (which she probably did). How about this opener? “I saw you walking by… and I had to say… you look absolutely stunning.” The pace part is her walking, then you HAD to say she looked stunning.

Here’s one that many men won’t identify with or understand. A lot of black guys, when they play the game, they say the woman has to make eye contact before they’ll approach. Player Supreme has written about this, and it’s a fairly standard pimp M.O. Then the guy approaches… SHE made the first move, and that move was EFFORT on her part to get the man. Even something as simple as eye contact can be her putting in work.

Other stuff. “Testing” her on the dance floor/rollerskating rink/wherever. Having her help you with something big in your life. Having her lie to someone fore you (unscrupulous but +effort definitely). The “conspiracy” frame is really good for work, like if you tell her to subtly slip you her number.

How about when you #close and don’t have a pen? Go fetch it yourself? Hell no! Have her get the pen, or play the “Pen Guess” game I created for this very reason.

Say, “Hmmm… let’s make a game of this, we’ll take turns guessing who around here is the most likely person to have a pen. I’ll guess first.” Then you guess a person, and walk up to them and ask if they have a pen. If they do, it’s no different than if you’d just asked them without he game. But if they don’t, now it’s her turn to guess who has a pen, and then go ask that person if she can borrow it.

I originally made up that game to preserve value (because asking multiple people if they have a pen looks poorly) but it increases the effort she’s put in too, ESPECIALLY if the game goes 5 or 6 people deep. And guess what? If she winds up being the one to get the pen, the number is about 60% more solid. Hey, maybe we should even make the first guess someone unlikely to have a pen?

>Effy.

There’s lots of ways to get them feeling like they’ve put in work, Effy. The big thing is to remember to do it. Now some guys will just do this a token amount because they want to get laid. That’s cool, and their game will improve by taking little games I’ve invented, little lines and cues from solid top-notch players, and throwing them in. But if you want to be really superb, you should start demanding that women work to get you. Have standards and make them meet them. Have them help with logistics. Have them work to catch you.

>If you question anything,
>question
>your limitations.

Great quote man. Now get those women a-workin’!

Sebastian

If there’s one thing I’m able to do well, it’s get loyalty in my relationships.
It was a hard-won battle, though… if any of y’all know my story, I got into
the game» when my girlfriend whom I loved dearly slept with one of my friends.

It put me into a slump for a while, but eventually I crawled out and started
working on my social skills. And the ride’s been amazing… one of the best
things to ever happen to me.

But even months, maybe years into my development, I was sleeping with girls but
not able to convert them to girlfriends. I was doing something ‘wrong’.

As it turns out, it’s one of the reasons I reached the level I’m at. Of the
first half-dozen, dozen women I slept with after getting into the community,
there’s a few I’d have settled with if they’d have settled with me.

But they didn’t. That nagging problem. Sex but no conversion. No girlfriend. No
loyalty.

Over time, I developed the skills to hold down relationships through trial and
error, and actually came to excel in them. When you start off below average in
something and work hard, you’ve got a lot of potential to get very good if
you’re driven.

Now, the exciting part.

Recently, I’ve been codifying what I do to convert my girls so well. To get
such loyalty. I want something done? I snap my fingers, it’s done.

Open loyal relationships, where I sleep with other women, she knows it, and
most of them don’t sleep with over men. Not to the mention that the girls cook
for me, come over to my place and clean it when I tell them to, take me to
dinners and buy me gifts.

And of course, sex when, how, and how much I want, whenever I want, however
want. That’s just a given.

My paradigm:

Everyone has problems in their life. All people are unhappy about some stuff,
some of the time. Even the most together people around, when you get to know
them well, have plenty of problems.

There’s only two ways to deal with these problems we have. You distract
yourself from them, or you find a solution to them. Either you’re doing
nothing, or doing something.

And everyone likes both distractions and solutions.

The key is, you must work in a general positive direction on your problems.
Control your distractions, or even make them positive ones like exercising or a
creative project on the side.

This isn’t difficult.

But the key to loyalty in relationships is that you must be a solution for the
girl, not a distraction. Or at least perceived as such.

Men try to fix problems in a logical way. You might too.

But often this isn’t the best way to fix a woman’s problems. I’ll refer you to
the readings of Franco Zarathustra on this one, his writings on here are very
comprehensive on how to deal with women and be a positive force on their life
without falling into traditional “guy problems”.

So if you want real loyalty, you must be seen as a solution for the woman. You
don’t have to be actively fixing her problems.

You just need to be a solid bastion in her life, or seen as a potential
solution down the road. If you can make her feel safe or protected, you’re
acting as a solution. If she sees you as a potential marriage partner, she sees
you as a solution. If she is a better person around you, who can express her
hopes and dreams, you’re a solution.

So what was I doing wrong before?

I was acting purely as a distraction. My old style of socializing with women
was all about entertainment in the early stages, and hedonism if it got any
further than that.

I made her forget her problems for a bit.

But I never acknowledged that she had any problems in her life. Or that I did.

It was just a fantasy. If you’re just a distraction to her, she can toss you
for any other distraction. Liquor, entertainment, other men, drugs, whatever.

If you’re a solution, she’ll become extremely loyal. To the point where she’d
give her life to save yours.

Now allow me to give some credit to my good friend Woodhaven. When I was
breaking down my this conception to him a bit back, he and I started talking,
and we flushed out another element of the solution/distraction idea.

Everyone needs distractions in their life to some extent. And the more reliant
on distractions someone is, the more they need to function.

Strong people with a good focus can interact positively with each other to the
gain of both with minimal distraction. The more reliant someone is on
distraction, they made need intoxicants to simply converse with someone on a
basic level.

What this means in terms of gaming:

The more a woman’s life is filled with distractions, the more of a distraction
you’d need to be up front to bed her.

So if you don’t want women of lesser mental and emotional caliber, play a game
based strongly on mutual value, and make an effort not to be an entertainer.
This will automatically screen out most low self-esteem women.

On the other hand, some of the hottest women turn heavily to distraction.
Drugs, drinking, partying, men. If you want a woman like this, early game based
on distraction/entertainment will be effective.

You need to balance the two. I, myself, do what I call two-tiered screening.

When I approach a woman, I like to keep the options of what I am and could be
to her open. I find out if she’s a girl that’s capable of mutual value
escalation (a term for two people benefiting at the same time, and neither
losing) and if she’s a quality girl.

If she is, I won’t entertain. I’ll relax, talk with her, and keep it light and
fun. When the moment is right, I’ll bed her, then I’ll hold her close and tell
me everything she holds close to her.

I’ll rock her back and forth and let her cry in my arms. Even if I don’t do
anything specifically to fix her problems, she will feel my strength and feel
safe and grounded.

That’s best-case for me.

On the other hand, if she fails the first round of screening, but I’d still
like to bed her for some reason I’ll go to playing a game based on distraction
and entertainment. I’ll focus on having a high impact, charged encounter, with
lots of outrageous stuff.

This approach is about being the best distraction available to a woman. Being
more fun than drinking and drugs, and more of a good time than any of the other
guys around.

If your goal is to sleep with as many women as possible, becoming the best
distraction from their lives will help in your promiscuity.

If your goal is to cultivate loyalty and solid relationships, then becoming a
solution by self-improvement and game based on being a leader and mutual value
is the answer.

If your goal is to sleep with any particular woman, or have a very high
conversion rate, then you need to become good at assessing the balance of
distraction and solution the specific woman in front of you has.

There are masters of all three of these arts. And they are all useful,
wonderful things to learn.

If you want to the learn the game» that’ll help you attract beautiful women,
especially those in high-distraction areas like nightclubs, I recommend the
writings of Mystery and Tyler. They have some powerful things to this end,
especially to help stand out against your environment and competition.

If you want loyalty in the end, you’ll need to be able to transition your role
in her life from distraction to solution. To that end, I suggest reading Player
Supreme. He has some excellent writings on this, and blends spirituality and
practicality well.

If you want the highest of conversion rates, read about men who subtly
demonstrate that they can be a solution through light, subtle and playful
distractions. Men like Razorjack, Woodhaven, and Zan excel at this - It’s a
style where your distractions themselves communicate that you could be a
solution, and while difficult to grasp at first, is very rewarding.

These styles aren’t mutually exclusive: They simply take a while to learn, but
the effort is well-worth it. If you can master all three, you can get literally
anything you want from women anywhere in the world by snapping your fingers.

The first occurance of Mutual Value Escalation.

If you want to put a car in a garage, there’s two ways to do it:

1) Tear the garage down and rebuild it over the car.
2) Drive the car into the garage.

A lot of the current model of ASF has its place, but it’s used at the wrong times: Making it take much longer for a guy to find what he wants. Playing with a flawed model is better than playing with nothing at all, but let’s step it up a bit, shall we?

A huge part of the current dogma is to have a higher value than hers. No arguments there.

But, let’s say you assess yourself at a value of “7″ and so do other people. And she’s an “8.5″ on the objective rating scale.

Houston, we have a problem. Or, rather, a potential problem.

Now, there’s a few ways to deal with a situation like this:

I) Long term: Become legitimately higher value. Okay, great. Should be one of your goals. Always improve your life. We’ve talked about this before. But it’s not going to do anything TONIGHT, is it?

II) Lowering her value to increase yours: Negs, dismissals. Better than nothing. Really, I mean that.

Okay, these two above are the main ASF ideas for dealing with it. #1 is inner game, which some highly advocate and I agree with. It also includes things like the gym and nutrition, which guys like ijjji advocate and for good reason.

#2 is what a lot of people see as the correct “outer game” play. Regardless, solutions 1 and 2 both rely on another factor: Always increasing your value. I’ve never seen anyone dissent from intelligently and discretionately using Cialdini’s concept of social proof. Likewise, being sociable and cool is always good.

So, what’s the problem? #2 is like trying to drive in a nail with a screwdriver. It works, but it takes longer and is more likely to break down somewhere along the line.

THE REAL DEAL:

Solution III: Increase BOTH of your value simultaneously.

Okay, back to our first illustration. Guy is a “7″, girl is an “8.5″. The guy could use negs, social proof, takeaways, and such to decrease her value situationally to “7.5″ and increase his value to an “8″. Then, some logistics, some more gaming, some of this and that and ideally he beds her. But he’s bedding a woman whose SOCIAL STATUS HAS BEEN DAMAGED!!!!!!!

He’s bedding a 7.5. Now, if he’s a really cool guy otherwise, but might not appear so on a first glance, maybe she’ll keep perceiving him at a high level when she snaps out of the need for validation trance. But if it’s all just been a front, guess what? She’s going to start seeing herself as better than you soon enough, and it’s time for all hell to break loose. This is a large cause of why some night game that’s successful at “putting numbers on the scoreboard” is terrible at making loyal, solid, dependable girls. And many of these same guys rant about how worthless women are! When they’re damaging the goods before they take it!

Go figure!

SOMETHING MUCH BETTER:

Instead, realize that you have the power to make any girl better than what she is, simply by virtue of being with you, being connected to you, being in your presence or even able to communicate some with you. She can feel more sexy, more intelligent, solve problems more easily, be more dedicated, be more rational, and so on.

Does that sound like a grand claim? It’s not. A good leader can bring out all those things in a person, and more.

So, instead of you cutting that cute lil’ 8.5 down to a 7.5, you make her into a 9.5!

Hold the phone, Sebastian! You can’t be serious! I’m just a “7″, I can’t handle the 8.5, let alone a 9.5!

Well, first, my friend, start seeing yourself in a better light. But that said, check out the flaw in your objection:

You make her into a 9.5. Who is that dependant on? YOU! She feels stronger, smarter, more confident, more socially savvy, more beautiful, and more powerful around you. Without you, she can’t have that. What does that do for your value?

10/10, gentlemen. When you deliver a compliment well (that’s where the game comes in), you increase your value and hers… and yours MORE.

There’s an art to this, of course. It’s possible to give a compliment that’s supplicative. That raises her value a tiny bit, and lowers yours a lot. Same with perceived supplication. But imagine, if you will, that a Tom Cruise-esque guy walks up to a girl, looks deeply into her eyes, and tells her that she carries herself so gracefully that he had to come speak with her. Guess what? She’s positively glowing, and his value has only gotten higher.

And if you’re picking up everyone around you, you’re getting social proofed too. Higher social status. More people want to be around you. It’s cyclical.

SEBASTIAN, GIVE ME THE TECH ALREADY!

Sure. When saying or doing anything in the game, be PROCESS ORIENTED, NOT RESULTS ORIENTED. That means, do what you feel, and shrug at what happens. When the night is over, it’s good to analytically look at what happened, and adjust. Maybe even take a couple minutes while you’re in the men’s room to think over how things have been going. But instead of taking a technical aspect, it’s important to bring what you feel, and what you want. That means go with what you want to go with, not what you’ve been told to go with. If any given compliment/remark/story/whatever gets negative results, you shrug at the moment, because you did the process as best as you could. You improve the process later, as you can, but in the moment, you live it and love it. And that shrug if someone disapproves is usually enough to make it glaze over and no matter, anyway.

Deliver everything from a position of power and authority. When you state something that you think, your position isn’t going to change based on what they think or say. So you give a girl a compliment on her rhetro-yellow skirt. She says she hates it but has nothing else to wear. You shrug, or maybe say, “Meh, I still like it” and keep going. You don’t take back what you’ve said, because it’s true. Likewise, if she starts glowing, you don’t go on and on about it: You’ve said what you have to say, now keep moving. The authority part means you’re not tentative. If you give her a compliment, you might leave a normal social pause in there to see if she thanks you or says something in particular, but after that half-second or so, you just do/say what you want to. You don’t stand and wait for her to decide what she wants to do with you.

Judging: Everyone judges all the time, whether they admit it or not. Even a person who prides themself on being non-judgmental still makes spot assessments of everything they see. Well, I say take it to the forefront. Be conscious of the fact that you’re always judging, and do so. It’s what the concept of screening is all about: And I don’t mean pretending to screen. See if she’s what you actually want. Practice is great and all, but at some point, you gotta start getting what you want and deserve.

So far, we’ve covered the basic mindsets and attitudes of Mutual Value Escalation. You come from a position of power and authority, objectively realize and consciously judge her actions to see if you like her and what she’s doing, and then you stay process oriented: You don’t let what others think/do affect you if you’re giving it your best.

DISRESPECT:

There’s a lot of rude people in the world. If I had to guess, I’d say there’s probably an equal number of rude men and rude women, but in a lot of western countries, you see blatant disrespect by women to a lot of men.

So, you’re out in the club, you see a girl wearing a ruby-colored, shimmering red dress. Long, soft blond hair and a pearl necklace framing her perfect neck. You go to talk to her, and she’s rude!

What has she done? Well, if she wants you (and she will soon if not already, my friends, rest assured) she’s played shitty game. But you can’t blame her, Cosmo and The Rules are really the blind leading the blind.

She doesn’t know any better. Someone would do well to point her to my MVETheory, but in the meantime, you’d better deal with this.

Take no disrespect! When a girl disrespects you, it’s her trying to raise her value a bit by slamming yours. Instead, you assume your value is still where it’s at, and that hers is SEVERELY decreased by her disrespect.

Then treat her appropriately. Like, if you can, imagine the 9 that just said some rude shit to transform into a 4, and it’s a rabidly ugly drunk girl that’s talking shit. In this case, you’d probably what?

Turn your back to her? Tell her that she’s rude? Laugh and make fun of her? Roll your eyes and look at her like a little child?

Ignore her entirely?

If a woman is willing, I’ll take her and me to new heights together. We’ll thrive together in a partnership, and if she measures up, a relationship. Sometimes we’ll make love, sometimes we’ll have sex, sometimes we’ll get down and dirty and fuck real nasty. We’ll have great conversations, do fun things, and both learn more about ourselves. We’ll see sunsets and sunrises and I’ll show her things she’s never seen before, and I’ll learn everything I can from her.

But not if she wants to be a snotty little bitch. There’s, quite literally, a line of girls that are begging for my attention, my affection, my love. So if one girl can’t realize what I’m worth, she’d better get in line ASAP.

So take it as a severe knock on her value. Many people, when faced with someone being hard to get or disrespectful, want to prove to that person that they like them. Wrong response.

So, after she’s disrespectful to you, you either “neg” her, as appropriate, or maybe dismiss her entirely in favor of better girls. If she was not being entirely attentive, then it might be time to tease her a little. If she was downright fucking rude, then it might be time to tell her straightup, “Hey, I was just being social, having a conversation, and that was rude. But… have a nice evening.”

WAIT, SEBASTIAN, WHY NOT JUST NEG RIGHT OFF THE BAT?

Because, quite frankly, I don’t need to. Have you ever seen an old, black and white movie, with a man playing a manly actor telling a woman that she’s so beautiful and they’d be perfect for each other. Lots of times, the girl melts for him on the spot. Sometimes, she doesn’t. But if she fires something at him sarcastically, he always shoots right back with something clever about how she’s blowing her chances.

AND, it would presuppose that I need to neg, which I don’t. This all goes back to having/being a high value person. I come in assuming I’m already supremely high value, but that’s another topic for another time.

**IN CLOSING**

Don’t try to cut women down so you’re better than them. Instead, lead them and make people around you better people. You can do this by encouraging them, complimenting them when they do well, and disciplining them when they fail.

You assume a high value, and you create even more by this attitude. Really, everyone you meet will be picked up a bit, and become a better person if they work with you. If they work against you, they go from having you in their corner to you judging them harshly: And they see that you’re solid in heart and mind, so they just made a huge mistake. The vast, vast majority of the time, this is enough to correct the behavior and not have it around you. It doesn’t mean that you’ll get any one, individual woman, but it does mean that you’ll constantly have attractive women that are loyal to you and good people around you. It’ll also make you have more friends and more loyal friends, as well as more contacts, acquaintances, and so on.

Without being too sappy, trying to leave everyone you find a little better off makes you a LOT better off, and people will follow your lead. If someone is disrespectful, you don’t tolerate it: You see if they’ll fix their behavior, and it’s sayanora if they can’t.

The community is full of simultaneously successful independent models which can be used effectively if congruent. We all use many models, and their strength is predominantly determined by their congruence to themselves. People have a tendency to gravitate to models that come naturally to them, or make immediate sense. This is great, and if I’m working with a newbie, I will usually encourage him to start with a model that he feels comfortable with. BUT, because I’m a SUCKER and OBSESSED with PU, I like to try new things all the time, and experiment with all kinds of styles. Furthermore, experimenting with something different than you’re used to will push your abilities, expand your model of the world and force you to grow in new ways.

For example, when I first met Sebastian, I was shocked. The first thing I said to myself was: “There is no way this is Sebastian.” Then I thought “There’s NO WAY this guy actually gets laid.” (No offense my man, just first impressions! ) My own success had come from a natural style heavily influenced by the predominant crews here, what I saw that day blew my mind. His style was unique and fresh. Completely spontaneous and completely his own, I could not correlate a single bit of his game with traditional community game. He violated all the rules and had utter disregard for current models and trends. We would open a 3-set, and while I was demonstrating the power and consistency of opinion openers, Sebastian would come in and physically PICK UP ONE OF THE GIRLS AND SWING HER AROUND! And they LOVED IT! That’s what being alpha really is - doing exactly what you want with no hesitation and complete certainty it will work.

So we spent most of the summer heading out for entire weekends. Starting friday evening, going straight until sunday evening - looking back it was probably not a very healthy thing to do, but I learned a lot from him, and hopefully he learned from me as well. Most of the time was spent in the malls and on the streets of Boston - it was pure, unadulterated daygame. As a result, I had to invent new models to even comprehend what Sebastian was doing. (My Balance attraction with value post is a good example, and actually is a recommended prerequisite to this post.) Over time, I have devised models for all kinds of things - models for natural styles, “indirect” styles, pimp game (of which my demonstration vs. verbalization post is a part of, along with making yourself physically scarce, being more interested in getting non-sexual things from her (See Sebastian’s writings on supply and demand for more on this), etc..), an assortment of different types of approaching styles, etc… but all that stuff is content for another post!

So here, without further ado, is a crash course for the style of pickup I prefer most:

DIRECT GAME

I. Who can use direct game? Why use direct game? Direct game is a game based on value and self respect. It is based on honesty and disregard for societal constructs. It is completely absent of any takeaways intended to manipulate interest, direct invalidation, and disrespect. I would suggest that direct game can be used by anyone ESPECIALLY newbie’s because of it’s simplicity, efficiency and congruence with the newbie’s intentions. People also like direct game because it allows them to persist confidently without pretending to be hard-to-get.

It is very effective on girls who have high moral standards and have not yet fallen into the party chick trap. Usually the girls are passionate about something in their life, and had maybe one or two long term relationships. It tends to be less effective on girls who have been emotionally damaged by countless other players who have desensitized them to value based attraction by repeated cycles of attention and indifference. They have already been exposed to intense and crippling physical attraction, and despite the fact that they know it’s bad for them, they cannot resist. There are also a lot of girls who have experienced this, but have decided that they do not want it anymore, and this method will work especially well with them.

On a side note, direct game is a GREAT FRAME for creating relationships. It can also set a good foundation for transitioning to indirect game or pimp-style game post conversion. Conversely if you start with indirect or pimp-style game it is near impossible to transition back to direct.

II. Indirect Vs. Direct Game The main differences between indirect and direct game are TECHNICAL ones. That is why direct is just as effective, but in many ways MORE efficient than indirect game. One difference is the frame of the opener. Early theories supporting the effectiveness of opinion openers stated that you are almost “using” the girl for her opinion, meanwhile demonstrating value to her in some way. Direct openers ASSUME already that you are of higher value, and your bodylanguage, style, tonality and facial expressions must be congruent with that. You are also demonstrating your direct INTEREST in the girl. It is not purely sexual or purely platonic, it is both simultaneously. If you fail to show SIMULTANEOUS sexual and platonic interest, then she will perceive you as too horny or too gay.

IMO there are two ways to deliver opinion openers. One is to FAKE DISINTEREST - appear more concerned with getting her actual opinion than connecting with her. The other way is using the opinion opener AS A FORMALITY, merely providing a context in which two people can connect. So considering the latter is the current theoretically correct indirect technique, we see that in opening, the only difference is a technical one.

The more pronounced difference in direct vs. indirect game is the fact that YOU ARE PERSISTING MEANWHILE QUALIFYING FROM A POSITION OF POWER. You are taking the initiative to make things happen and push the seduction forward. If you expect her to respond positively to your lack of indifference, you must NOT RESPOND positively to her indifference! If you are playing direct game, and she attempts to manipulate your interest, play games or otherwise disrespect you, you CANNOT RESPOND POSITVELY TO THAT! That is supplication, and supplication is no part of good direct OR indirect game. In general also, I must add that direct and indirect styles aren’t mutually exclusive and there is a lot of overlap. Good game is good game!

Direct: -Techniques which are congruent with interest. -Persisting with absolute certainty. -Qualifying from a position of power.

Indirect: -Techniques congruent with disinterest. -Letting her chase you. -Takeaways and general manipulation of attraction.

III. Beliefs / Mindsets / Frames As stated previously, self confidence and self respect are of utmost importance to direct game. Without these you will make the mistake of qualifying her from a position of weakness. You will tolerate her games, and persist despite her disrespecting you. Having weak beliefs is what causes people to make the mistakes of kissing ass, being overly complimentary and tolerating her shit, when they think they are “going direct”. This is not at all what it’s about. There is a balance.

The best mindset for using direct game is one of being alpha. This has been stated numerous times as the KEY to direct game. While I recognize it as an important element, it is not a complete methodology. Being alpha basically means taking what you want WITHOUT HESITATION. Think about when you are at home and you want food from the fridge. Do you hesitate even for a second if you’re really hungry?? NO. You just walk over and take it. When a mall full of women becomes your refrigerator out of which to feast, you my friend, have got it.

I use a slightly different frame with girls whom I am deciding to use a direct model with. While the annoying little sister frame is great for indirect game, the “Sweet little daughter whom I care about and protect” frame is EXCELLENT for direct. You are powerful but gentle, compassionate and caring.

IV. Body Language / Tonality / Facial Expressions As with any good game discussed here on mASF, slow, relaxed body language is important. The only difference is in the opener, you would face towards the girl as you deliver it. This is congruent with your interest in her. Tonality should be deep and resonant. Facial expressions varied and interesting, but relaxed.

V. Openers There are 3 different types of openers I use:
1. Hi, how are you?
2. You are beautiful. I would like to get to know you / May I join you?
3. That shirt… (Wait for response) It absolutely looks great with your style!

Your non verbal communication should be congruent with your interest. Of course your overall intention is clear in all three of these. Remember SIMULTANEOUS SEXUAL AND PLATONIC INTEREST. Deliver the opener and continue to vibing.

VI. Vibing and Connection

A. Traditional Rapport Vibing Vibing is about the energy of the moment. The feel of the interaction rather than the content. Vibing with a girl makes her feel like you have a natural connection. It is talking about ANYTHING or telling stories or jokes, even talking about work. YES you can talk about your work if you can VIBE. It is charging your interactions with emotion and tension.

B. Storytelling / Demonstrations of value. Typical storytelling and DHV models apply here quite nicely. I usually point people to Wilder’s storytelling post as a guide.

C. Screening Vibing should have a screening feel to it. By demonstrating that you are selective, have other options, but are CHOOSING HER, you create immense value for yourself and qualify her at the same time. See Neo-Rio’s recent screening post for more of this.

D. C+F (??) There is a debate whether or not you can use C+F and other slightly invalidating techniques in a direct framework. I DO use C+F with my direct method. There’s two things to remember. Firstly, the success of C+F is more girl-dependent than style-dependent. (Then again girls are also-style dependent, but less so.) If a girl responds well to C+F, I’ll use it. Secondly, the way to use C+F is in a gentle, playful frame. Your frame cannot be - “I’m doing this to increase attraction.” more - “I’m giving her the gift of laughter because I care about her.” Your words may be slightly invalidating, but FUNNY and you say it with a WARM tonality and set of facial expressions.

VII. Qualification Qualification is a HUGE part of direct game. It’s great to qualify on non-physical things like her sense of style, her humor, or the fact that she is real and genuine. The key to qualification is TO BE CONGRUENT WITH THE DELIVERY. When you tell her you feel more comfortable with her than any other girls you have met recently, your tonality, bodylanguage and actions BETTER BACK IT UP. Furthermore, having an incredible vibe with a girl is actually more effective than anything you can SAY to her. You are telling her you like her, and she believes you because she feels the same way!

VIII. Timing / Persistence / Space

I try to describe the timing for contacts and meets as “cool persistence”. You are up front about your sexual and platonic interest, but you’re not too attached to the outcome. It is being persistent on your timetable, and not giving too much importance to one particular chick. In general, see her once or twice a week and call two or three times a week. Once you have reached conversion, she will make the efforts to contact and see you, and it won’t matter what you do anymore. But before conversion, if she is disrespectfully non-responsive to your messages and calls, give her a break for a few weeks and try again.

Do not fear that persistence will come across as needy. It is not the techniques of direct game which lowers your value. The thing that lowers your value is telegraphing neediness. Any subcommunication of lower grade emotions such as fear, anger, resentment, or hostility through your tonality or actions will do this. As long as you take measures to cleanse yourself of these negative emotions, your communication will come across as powerful and confident.

Being physically persistent when in a girls presence CAN come off as needy if you are all over her and not playful enough. Also showing the abovementioned negative emotions while being physically persistent will hurt you in that respect. Best to physically advance with absolute certainty she will enjoy it. And if she doesn’t - don’t let it affect your state. Chill out, enjoy yourself and try again later.

Space is the way that doubt is introduced into a girls mind. It is not through invalidating techniques. Space amplifies the good feelings you gave to her when you were together. It is also a way of producing implicit social proof. Have a great time with her, and then be busy with your own life. Take your mind off of her. Let her feelings for you build.

IX. Conversion Conversion is what happens when you have had sex with her enough times (I’d say anywhere between 1-5 times) such that the physical pleasure she associates with you overtakes the society programmed fears and doubts that come along with being intimate. If you have used direct game, after conversion she will no longer flake or resist you, in general. This is because if you have used direct game, your success is dependent largely on your value. (Again, this is a reference to my attraction and value post)

The beauty is, you can start with the foundation created with direct game, and go in any direction you want. If you want to be with other women, you can transition into the indirect game and make her compete to regain the initial attention you gave her. If you want to extract money and gifts from her, transition to a reverse supplication type of game. If you want to cultivate a healthy and fulfilling relationship, keep the direct game going and add tension as necessary. This type of versatility is just not present in other styles of game.

X. Conclusion That my friends, is a basic, congruent model of direct game.

Vincent