This doesn’t need to be followed verbatim, but every element serves a purpose.

Suggest an activity to do with her.
When she says yes, say, “Right, do you have a cell?”
Type her number into your cell.
Ask, “Do you have Caller ID?”
When she says yes, say, “Okay. I’m hitting dial - my number will show
up on your screen.”
Wait for your number to show up on her screen, then press end. Don’t
hold the phone to your ear while calling.
Spell your name for her, especially if it’s a generic name.

Sounds like a lot? It’s really simple, but every element is designed
for maximum effectiveness.

It looks like this:

“There’s a cool gallery opening up soon. We should go.”
Her: “Okay.”
“Right, do you have a cell?”
She’ll nod or say yes.
“Okay… 212…3444….4444… Do you have Caller ID?”
She nods or says yes.
“Okay. I’m hitting dial - my number will show up on your screen.”
It does (her phone starts ringing - if it doesn’t, try again. if she
says, “Oh, my phone isn’t on me/it’s my home phone/etc” it’s a bad
number and throw it away after you’ve left her company)
“Cool. Now my name is spelled just like it sounds. B-O-B.”

A few key points:

You’re making the focus doing the activity with her; not trying to her number (that’s why you suggest an activity first).

You ask, “Do you have a cell?” - You don’t even MENTION the word “number”, which has a bad rep and potentially sets off player alarm.

Caller ID ensures she has your number. That means she’s more likely to answer if she likes you (you were in trouble anyway if she doesn’t like you, and girls are less likely to answer unknown numbers - MUCH less likely).

(as an added bonus, if the number is fake you’ll know right away, though you’ll find that happening less and less)

You spell your name in case she’s forgotten it.

Solid formula. You’ll never hear, “I don’t give my number out” if you practice like this. Then remember: The first step after getting her number is to text her before you ever call. Text her within 24 hours if you met at a nightclub, within 48 hours if you met in the daytime. Texts should be friendly; first texts should never tease, bust, or insult unless you had a dynamic that was strongly like that. Stress friendship when you text. “happy to make friends with u :)” is not a bad first text.

Have fun!

Sebastian

When a woman asks you a boring question, and you answer without following up, you’re going to prompt more interrogation on the subject.

Classical examples:

“What do you do?”
“How old are you?”
“Where are you from?”
“How long have you been living here?”

And so on. Most men, after answering a question like this, just stop and let the woman say the next thing - this vibes that you’re waiting to see if she approves. Instead, the answer is to follow up right after you answer.

“I work for a marketing firm. What do you do?”

“I’m 28. How old are you?”

And so on - you answer normally, don’t rush your followup. But do ask her back after your answer - this shows that you’re not looking for approval, just stating a fact, and seeing if she’s compatible with you - instead of trying to impress her. This becomes especially important when it’s something that there’d be a gap between you about.

If there is a difference between you two, and you like her, let her know so after she answers you.

THE WRONG WAY:

Her: “How old are you?”

You: “28.”

Her: “Oh, you looked younger than that…”

THE RIGHT WAY:

Her: “How old are you?”

You: “I’m 28. How old are you?”

Her: “21.”

You: “Ah, really? You carry yourself so well for your age.”

Keep it real.

Sebastian
–
theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman

When you hit a block in the road, what do you look for first - a strategy, or a technique?

A strategy is a way of resolving the underlying situation, a plan for what you’re trying to accomplish.

A technique is a single, specific way of dealing with the situation.

Both have their place - techniques can be good if:

(1) You need more experience in the situation so you can better understand the underlying interaction and communication.

(2) You’re experimenting with different ways of acting that don’t come naturally to you.

(3) You want to resolve a minor but frustrating point, like what to do when she’s very insistent you buy her a drink.

Strategies are good if:

(1) You have a lot of techniques, but they don’t come together cohesively.

(2) You’ve had some success, but want to transition to being “automatic” - doing the right things even in new situations.

(3) You have a major sticking point that you haven’t been able to resolve.

Here’s an example of a tactic:

—————
10 second tip: When you’re having a new girl over to your place, as soon as you walk inside, take off your shoes and say “Shoes off” -

Many people follow this practice anyway for a variety of reasons, and it’s not uncommon in most places. Having girls take their shoes off means they’ll be more comfortable in your home, they’ll have a precedence of having taken off even that small article of clothing, and will also vibe “I’ll probably be staying a little while”.
—————

The technique is to have her take her shoes off at the door. The strategy is to make people comfortable at your place and build a good precedence going forwards.

The technique by itself is useful and cool - it’ll help a lot if you say “shoes off” and take yours off every time you enter your place with a girl.

Understanding the strategy will help you find ways you can mix and match tactics to get results.

Example of a tactic, “Statement-Based Screening”:
————–
Screening is, in short, a good thing. But a lot of times, guys have
a hard time making screening questions Situationally Relevant. They
aren’t able to create the context necessary to screen.

What you can do in place of screening questions is use
statement-based screening. It’s screening in a way that doesn’t ask
her if she meets your standards, but instead puts your standards
out there and offers her the opportunity to show she meets them.
This begins to work once you’ve base compliance and she’s started
to initially get attracted to you.

What you do, quite simply, is put out a statement as to what you
like or don’t like. If the girl likes you, she’ll want to show she
meets that standard.

Example:

Screening question: “Can you cook?”
Screening statement: “I like girls that can cook.”

This also has great application for screening in response to a
story she had, where a question might be very verbose.

For instance, a great thing to screen women on is having female
friends in addition to male friends. Trust me on this one, you
don’t want a girlfriend that can’t get along with other girls.

So if the girl is talking about how she doesn’t like most girls and
doesn’t get along with them, you can drop a screening statement: “I
hear you, girls can be tough. I think it’s really important to have
friends that are guys and girls though.” -> This is almost
guaranteed to get her backpedalling and trying to impress upon and
to you that she has female friends too.
————–

One tactic there - making statements that solicit her to say she’s that type. Two examples of that tactic.

The strategy is this: You’re establish yourself as a high value guy with standards that women need to work for, and putting your standards forth in a subtle way.

Continuing:
————–
Now, realize one last cool piece of the puzzle. Girls - especially
very beautiful girls with great social skills - often use
screening-based statements on men. They’ll mention in passing that
they value something or other, and most men will jump to say
they’re that.

Instead, a good answer is to just smile and agree with her, perhaps
saying the word, “Cool.”

Examples:

Girl: “I really think what car a guy drives says a lot about him.”
You: “Cool.”

Girl: “I expect my boyfriends to take me out to really nice places.”
You: “Cool.”

It dismisses the screen from her without being combative. You
smile, and say something like, “Cool.” Very high value stuff.
————–

The tactic: When given a screening statement by a woman, recognize it, smile, and dismiss it.

The strategy: Don’t compete for a woman’s attention or try to fit yourself into the idea she has of what she wants. Differentiate yourself by not competing - which suggests you’re so good you don’t have to prove yourself.

Tactics and strategies both are very valuable. Spend the time getting educated about both and you’ll be on an excellent path.

Sebastian

I’ve always enjoyed from Theodore Rex’s speech “Citizenship in a Republic” the following:

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

Alex

“Why do some men achieve success, and others do not?”

Many men never live up to their potential. And while I don’t have
all the answers, I’ve taken a long look over the hundreds of
programs we’ve run and come up with some patterns on who succeeds -
and it’s got nothing to do with looks or height.

Here’s the makeup of the kind of guy who gets damn good at social
skills:

*The successful man is consistent about trying. He is not
necessarily great, but he is consistent. The unsuccessful man may
really want success, but he will fall off the wagon from time to
time, drag his heels, or whatever else have you. He might go out 13
nights in a row, but then he stays at home for two weeks playing
video games.

*The successful man is balanced. He has other diverse things going
on in his life. He often has a high-impact job, difficult studies,
interesting hobbies, or plays a sport. While he may not - and often
isn’t - naturally gifted in any of these areas, he has at least one
or two things going for him that he loves and works hard at.

*The successful man is BUSY. Guys that get success are the ones
you’d think would have no time to do so. They work 40+ hours a
week, take a class or informally study something (like learning a
language, or dancing), take care of their health, and STILL go pick
up. The unsuccessful man FEELS very busy, but yet somehow doesn’t
have much to show for it. He doesn’t get shit done. Why he doesn’t
is a mystery, but he doesn’t succeed.

*The successful man gets someone to kick his ass for him. People
fall off without support and guidance, even if it’s wrong. It’s
better to have someone kicking your ass to work hard and get
success even if they’re not an “expert” on something. So much the
better if you are. It’s hard to stay motivated - at anything. All
the best athletes in the world have coaches. Executives have a vast
array of assistants to keep them focused and on-track. Successful
people get others to push them to keep them successful.

*The successful man PROVES IT TO HIMSELF that the methodologies he
is using work. He fights and rails against them until he finds they
are correct, and tries to undermine/reassess them from time to
time. He gets success using a system because he is solidly
confident in it. The unsuccessful man may take someone’s word that
it works, or even see others using it. He may know logically that
something works - but he hasn’t proved it to himself, and probably
doesn’t feel it in his heart.

*The successful man has a burning desire to succeed - So far, I’ve
found no correlation between the reasons people want success. Some
people want to succeed for totally unhealthy reasons - They want
attention, are insecure, etc. Surprisingly, these reasons seem to
work. Regardless, the successful man REALLY wants success. He
doesn’t “think it would be cool to get chicks”, he DEMANDS and
CRAVES social skills for some reason or other. I’ve seen many
different reasons - desire to apply them to make more money, desire
to have many beautiful women, desire to be ready to get “Miss
Right” if/when she comes around, desire to reproduce, lust for
power, insecurity, want of validation, want to show off, wanting to
conquer something, using it as a general pathway to great overhaul
in lifestyle and self-improvement… Some of the reasons are
awesome, some I would deem unhealthy - but even if you have a
rooted unhealthy desire to be great, it can lead to greatness (of
course, the highest levels require purging that unhealthy desire -
but it’s actually pretty easy once you’re good to stop being down
on yourself - that’s how it went for me among others, and was a
liberating experience. Like, “Wow, I got into this for the wrong
reasons, but it worked out pretty well. Huh.”)

*The successful man is either PROCESS oriented, or someone that’s
KICKING HIS ASS IN GEAR is. The unsuccessful man thinks “It’d be
great to have 10 women just feeding me grapes in my harem”. The
successful man goes one step at a time, and chips away at results.

*They successful man HONESTLY assesses progress. If he compares
himself to a legend, it’s inspirational and not depressing. He
doesn’t think “If only I had those results…” thinking about
someone playing the game on a different level. He plays for
himself. If the guy is a virgin, and lays his first girl, he pats
himself on the back. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a
single step. -Confucious

*The successful man gets MOTIVATED by failure. Coming *so close*
burns him up, and makes him try harder and burn hard to get there.
The unsuccessful man gets depressed, and fails to realize that the
most valuable lessons are often learned on the brink of exhaustion,
in times of desperation, and upon hitting rock bottom. He turns
away the very thing that would allow him to climb out of the hole
he’s in. The successful man takes his lumps “like a man” for lack
of a better word, embraces the pain, learns the lessons, and GETS
IT RIGHT next time.

*The successful man is NOT attached to what he’s already been
doing. As soon as a man gets too attached to what he did yesterday,
he stops getting better.

*And lastly, the successful man is not a patient man. Old age comes
before patience. The successful man makes risky decisions, and
doesn’t waste time. If a situation is dragging out, the successful
man will frequently make turn it into a “win/lose” situation. He
doesn’t mess around with one girl stringing him out, he does
something stupid that will land her 1 out of 10 times, and put an
end to the debacle the other 9 out of 10. Someday as he gets
better, he may land the girl 7 out of 10 times on his “gamble” but
he’ll never mess around and waste 20 times the effort on the girl
that he could spend taking 1 in 10 chances. His ego may get bruised
from time to time, it may hurt and burn, but the successful man is
not a patient man. When confused about the situation, he does
something drastic and makes the situation come to a conclusion one
way or another. Then if he fails, he scrapes himself off the pave
and does it again - until it starts to work.

Sebastian

–

theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman

Hi gents -

The following was written in by one of the newest instructors at
theApproach, Alex. Alex is a distinguished gentleman hallmarked by
his great insights in the game, relaxed and fluid style, excellent
image and lifestyle sense, and a really strong set of ethics about
helping others to succeed. After training with all the high-level
instructors at theApproach, Alex has become a full instructor of
theApproach. He writes in with his experience using VAC to help
guide a loved one to a good decision.

Enjoy.

***

Value +
Attainability +
Compliance
=
Attraction

Thus VAC=Attraction

VAC: Not just to lay girls, but to help people succeed too…

I realized that VAC is not just for pickup and attraction, but
for all relationships and human interactions. But never did I
think I would use VAC to secure an internship for my sister.
Crazy, I know, but let me explain.

My sister went to a small liberal arts school, very local, and NOT
known for sending students to great internships, or even to great
schools for graduate school. My sister knew she needed an
internship that summer but was procrastinating in starting the
process.

As the deadlines were fast approaching for the applications, I
called my sister and she told me she had yet to start. I inquired
why and I got a slew of reasons: “Do they even take people from
Shepherd? I got a B in my class last semester. My GPA is only
3.4….” As I was hearing these comments, I was unsure of how to
help my sister through this.

Then it became obvious. There was an attraction problem. My
sister was not attracted to doing this internship. Her comments,
“Do they even take people from Shepherd College? I got a B in my
class last semester, etc…” These comments were all ATTAINABILITY
problems. She did not believe “Can a girl like me get an
internship like this?”. The first thing I did was reassure her
that people from shepherd had gotten these types of internships
before. Then I told her that people with lower GPA’s also got
internships. I even showed her how one of the programs were
specifically looking for dual majors in chemistry and mathematics.
The effect was this: “A girl like me CAN get an internship like
this.” At the end of the call, I made her repeat three times “A
girl like me CAN get an internship like this”. I made her say this
every time I called her about it.

I talked with her and used some forward future projection, painting
a picture of the opportunities she would have with this internship.
Meeting new people JUST like her, working on important problems
for the government, and the chance to implement her ideas and
skills, even do some killer shopping while in DC for the summer.
This effectively raised the VALUE of the internship to her. I
thought everything was good to go as VALUE and ATTAINABILITY were
both HIGH.

I called a couple days later ahead of the upcoming deadline in two
weeks. I asked her about her progress and she indicated that she
had yet to start the application.

What the hell? I thought this was handled.

I asked her a couple questions about it and figured out that VALUE
was HIGH, ATTAINABILITY was HIGH but there was NO COMPLIANCE. For
her to start the entire application was too much work. I needed to
break it down into something small and get her working on it.

I verbally agreed with her that the applications were a lot of work
and told her to just hand the professors the recommendation forms.
If she did nothing else, I would still love her and respect her,
but at least she would have the forms if she wanted to proceed.
This is very low compliance task, all she has to do is turn over
the recommendation forms and the professor fills them out and gives
them back. It’s a little compliance on her part and very easy to do.

I called a couple days later with only one week to the deadline. I
asked her what’s up and she said she had almost finished the
application. She told me that a couple days ago her professor had
turned over the recommendation forms and they looked really nice.
When she read them, she felt compelled to finish the application.
I smiled as I realized that once she completed the low compliance
task of turning over the recommendation forms, she was now invested
in the application process.

When the professors gave her the glowing recommendation forms, it
had the effect of rewarding her good compliance. The rewarded
compliance compelled to finish the applications and turn them on
time.

I learned a valuable lesson that attraction is more than just
pickup and seduction. Attraction is what allows us to focus on
what we want and acquire what is we desire. In this case, when
you’re mentoring someone or helping to guide them along in their
development, sometimes you have to know how to get them attracted.
VAC can do this for you. My sister was able to see the VALUE and
have ATTAINABILITY but she still did not fill out the applications.
It wasn’t till I got a basic level of COMPLIANCE from her till she
was truly invested in completing her applications.

Alex
–
theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman

Alex lives, works, and now sometimes trains in Washington, D.C. His
background is in the physical sciences, but he enjoys a deep love
of human interaction, socializing, art, aesthetics, and sex.

We’re honored to have him as part of theApproach Team!

Social accountability is when a girl is held socially accountable
for her actions. In the workplace and in her social circle, there
are social ramifications for what she does. In those places, she is
far less likely to engage in wanton, random, or potentially
disrespectful behavior. Her decisions will be more calculated and
less arbitrary. She’ll be less whimsical, and less spontaneous, and
err on the cautious side when making decisions that could put her
reputation in jeopardy.

PROS:

The girl is less likely to flake.
The girl is less likely to disrespect you.
The girl is less likely to act random.
Less mood swings.
Better treatment overall.

CONS:

She’ll have more fear of being judged.
She’ll be less quick and less likely to engage in casual liaisons.
She’ll be less forthcoming and open about what she really thinks
about things.
She’ll act more conservatively.

Social anonymity is when a girl is not held socially accountable
for her actions. When she meets a guy randomly in a bar, club, or
on the streets and has no binding connection with him, her actions
are socially anonymous. Her behavior will be more ruled by her
moods and whims, which can work for or against you. When you are
socially anonymous to a girl’s social circle, she is more likely to
flake, engage in whimsical behavior, or act disrespectfully - but
also more likely to do “taboo” things she’d be afraid of being
judged for in her main social circle, like extremely quick flings,
threesomes, and other such behavior.

PROS:

Less fear of being judged.
She’ll open up more.
She’s likely to “roll with it” when crazy stuff comes up.
More honest, less calculated conversations and interactions.
Greater possibility of very quick interactions and escalations.

CONS:

More likely to flake.
More whimsical behavior.
More potential for disrespect.
More likely to “vent”, “flip out”, or just unload all her emotional
baggage about men.

You could plot these on a scale, ranging from

Completely Anonymous <---> Completely Accountable

Completely Anonymous: No one besides her knows or has any chance of
knowing you exist. When you or her are traveling, and none of her
friends are around, and you meet by random chance, you are
completely socially anonymous.

Completely Accountable: Almost everyone significant to her knows
about you and your character. Her friends, family, and coworkers
know you, and have an opinion of you.

The vast majority of interactions we get into, we’re somewhere in
between.

—> This is usually a mistake.

“Playing the extremes” here is VERY viable, because her behavior
gets extremely polarized at either end of the spectrum, making it
extremely easy to make judgments about what to do. The basic
formula I recommend is:

Either become an important part of her life, or be a complete
fantasy diversion from her life.

If you want to be socially anonymous, the formula is easy: Look for
girls out by themselves (99% of the time they’re looking for a guy
that night), don’t introduce her to people, keep it extremely fun
and high energy, and escalate quickly. Realize that getting phone
numbers from girls without social accountability require LOTS more
compliance and she’s still likely to flake. She needs to be
invested if you’re going to get a number, so try to get her doing
favors or spending money on you quickly.

If you want her to be socially accountable, the formula is a little
trickier but easy to implement none-the-less: You want to meet and
strike good impressions with as many people in her life as are
significant as possible. Meet her girlfriends, even talk to her
parents if possible.

Socially anonymous is easy - don’t meet anyone. Here’s some social
accountability tech -

1. Ask her about all her friends, get their names, and then ask
individually about each friend every now and then. Doing so makes
her more likely to bring you up in conversation to that friend.

2. Wish those friends well, or ask concernedly if they’re going
through tough times. Tell her you’re pulling for her friends.

3. Go out with her social circle whenever possible.

4. Introduce her to your social circle.

5. Interact with her in places where she’s a “regular” - at her
university cafe, office cafeteria, or favorite bar would be examples.

6. Encourage her to invite her friends out with you and your
friends. Invites to parties where you highly encourage her to
invite her friends are likely to get her friends out.

7. (my favorite) If she still lives with her parents (as many girls
into their 20’s do now), have her ask her parents for permission to
go out with you. Tell her to say, “Mom, I met a guy that’s a good
guy that I like, and he said he’d like you to approve him taking me
out Thursday. Can I go out with him?” Have her ask when she’s on
the phone with you. The parents will be damn impressed and love
you, and it’ll also get her having to deal with, “So…. who is
he… is he cute?” She’ll roll her eyes, and go, “Mommmmm!”

The effects:

Social accountability is more precise and will have a higher
success rate overall, but will take longer. It’s more likely to
default towards societally normal relationships, though you can
always intention map some life into them.

Social accountability is a bit more “playing the numbers game” even
with masterful command of VAC, but it leads to extremely quick and
crazy interactions. This is the stuff that gets girls in your bed
in 30 minutes, but also leads to more flaking.

Factors on choosing whether to use Social Accountability or Social
Anonymity:

Both are powerful. Anonymity lends to more variance, but quicker
escalations and more hedonism-based relationships. Accountability
is slower and leads to mainstream relationships more often, but is
more precise and consistent.

Have fun, & keep playin’,

Sebastian

Howdy my man -

A lot of men are afraid of being judged. This can really hold
people back: The key is to remember that high value people don’t
worry about people judging them: They work on themselves and are
proud of who they are, then they hold other people to their
standards. Simple by holding others (especially women) to your
standards will make you seem like a high-value, high status
individual.

Today I thought I’d give you an insider’s look into how we refine
what we’re about at theApproach. The following is from an email
dialouge with one of our hotshot, up-and-coming instructors - the
piece is taken from a conversation on putting new drills in place,
and refining the day one curriculum so that - you guessed it - our
students can see their value and what they have to offer while out
in the field… and aren’t afraid of being judged. Enjoy:

“Day 1: Value

The way the curriculum is laid out is to reinforce the value they
inherently have. I want students to go the first night in-field
NEVER doubting that they have something to offer to people. No
fear of being judged. I want them to feel confident in going out,
feeling empowered/transformed in knowing that approaching is not
hard… and they can do it. Inner game. Understanding their own
value needs to be ingrained in them to minimize or completely
eradicate approach anxiety before we even hit the field. Any AA
should stem from slight performance nervousness, not from fearing
being judged. That way, they can focus on a productive focus -
charging the venue, making connections, holding people to their
standards.

This is why I give them time to list six values. After I explain
how the six values they wrote down fall either under universal vs
specific value (and how that affects attraction), I ask them to
tell us one story of something they are proud of. Listening to
each others’ stories also makes them realize how EVERYONE has some
inherent value. The question becomes: have they given a glimpse of
that value to the woman they meet?”

Low status men typically worry about being judged - “Am I good
enough?” High status men know they’re high status, and instead look
to see if other people meet their standards - and when they do,
they reward them by opening up and sharing some things from their
own life. If you’ve got 10 minutes, reflect on what you’re proud of
accomplishing. Don’t talk about those experiences to impress people
- realize you’re high status, and open up as a reward when you meet
women that are up to your standards. Keep playin’,

Sebastian

You know why girls are always so calm and unbothered about their
engagements? If they miss one, they’ve got six more lined up!

Most men hate this behavior. And I can’t blame them, really - but
if they UNDERSTOOD this behavior, they’d be able to plan
accordingly and use it to their advantage.

Before I go on - don’t do this to your male friends. Us guys have
fairly rigid, well known social codes about loyalty and making good
on your word. Women have social codes too - they’re just less
understood by men. But before we go on, this is how to potetially
deal with girls - I’d never social-backup a lunch meeting with a
fellow gentleman.

Now, when a woman agrees to go out with you, realize this: Much of
the time, they consider it as if it is a bid for their time. When
the time event in question comes around, all the bids are checked,
and the highest bid wins.

It’s not uncommon for some girls to book 3-4 (or more!) men at the
same time. Then they go with what they feel the highest bid is.

And men get… really discouraged when a woman doesn’t show up for
a date.

So what to do about it? Make social backup plans. Don’t consider it
dishonest or wrong, either - it’s “just how things are done around
here”. In some countries, you give money to officials to get travel
documents. Just a nominal sum - it’s “how things are done around
here”. Many Europeans are abhor that decent service comes with a
mandatory tip in the United States. Don’t be. It’s “how things are
done around here”. And despite the fact that it’s maybe not the
best system, it’s a decent workable system, and you alone, my
friend, can’t change it. So you can burn bridges and create ill
will by never tipping, or you can go with the flow and tip in the
USA. Likewise, dealing with girls, you can set yourself up for
failure by booking them exclusively, or set yourself up for success
by social backup planning.

Social backup planning: Having a backup plan available to you in
the event things don’t go well. This will mean less wasted time for
you in your life, and also make you more attractive to the women
you’re likely meeting. Let women know that you might have free time
- line 2-3 of them up, and send a “sorry, something came up - will
make it up to u” text message if you’re having a lot of fun on your
first date.

This must seem incredibly unpalatable to you, dear reader. In fact,
I hope it does. It’s not the way of men. When we make commitments,
they’re written in black and white and we don’t break them. But
many women have so many requests for their time, that they say
“maybe” to all requests and see how it shakes out. Just… maybe
sounds a lot like “definitely” when a guy really likes a girl. Or
maybe she doesn’t communicate herself well…

As you get more popular, you don’t even need to try to doublebook
girls. Just knowing that if you pick up the phone and dial, that a
half-dozen girls would jump for joy at the thought of cooking you a
meal and you taking them to bed that night - then you’re in good
shape. Just knowing that you’re not home alone if the plans wash
out means you’ll be much more calm and naturally make good
decisions when inevitably logistics hit a small snag and someone is
late. When she does show up, you’ll give her a nod - That’s right,
sweetie, you got the high bid in. I chose you from my options. Let’s
have a ball.

Social backup plan - like girls do. You’ll feel calm and unpressured
about if and when she makes it there if there’s a line out the door
for you.

Sebastian

Introduction: ASPIRATIONS TO BE A ‘PLAYER’

“So many men try to go out and prove they’re ‘players’ now, not nerds any more.

“They don’t realize that by going out and socializing, nobody’s wondering if they’re a nerd. They’re wondering if they’re a player… or something better.”

-Vin DiCarlo

Many men who were unpopular during their school years don’t want to be seen as nerds any more. They want to be “players”. The problem is, players aren’t what women want to be with. They want to be with legitimate, genuinely cool people - who aren’t exerting every ounce of energy into being cool people.

Two examples of this - Zeus in Washington, D.C. and Ace of Hearts in Tokyo. You’ve likely never heard of either of these guys, even though they’re two of the best in the “seduction community”. It’s because they’re too busy living play-it-the-bone awesome lives to get caught up in trying to play.

I’ve had the pleasure and blessing to spend time with some of the greatest people in this entire world, including master pickup artists. And you know what? We don’t talk about pickup more than 5% of the time. Zeus and I talked about tea and travel last we got to talk. The first time I met Ace of Hearts, he and I talked about beer, comedy, and cards.

These guys are both top-notch players. They get women, both in quantity and quality. But they don’t think of themselves as players.

Vincent’s hierachy goes something like this:

Nerd
Average guy
Player
Ex-player
Genuine guy

By being out in a social place, meeting people and making connections, NO ONE is wondering “Is this guy a nerd?” They’re trying to figure out “Is this guy a player… or something more?” By doing playerish things, you’re actually communicating you’re the one of the lower ranks on the social rungs. Men who were “players when they were younger but grew out of it” are more widely liked and respected then men trying to play. And the most widely respected of all is the man who never tries to be cool, the one who transcends the “game” so to speak.

LO-TECH SOLUTIONS FOR SMART PEOPLE

“If you can get the same results with a simpler system, it means it’s better technology.”

-FB, 1/15/06, New York City

And so Lo-Tech was born. The desire and necessity for simple, easy-to-apply social solutions had not been made clear to me until a student in New York City had impressed this upon me. If you can get the same results in an easier, simple system - It’s better technology.

“For me, there’s no choice… I want to get results without complicated stuff.”

-J, 1/30/06, Boston

Some of the most powerful and mesmerizing “pickup techniques” are deathly simple. Profoundly so.

Until the last two years, these techniques had largely been looked down in the seduction community. The reason is that prior to 2004, the community had been largely populated by guys who were striving not to be nerds.

Occasionally a “natural” would show up. Someone like Steve “Toecutter” Celeste. And he’d share simple, practical, highly effective things on how to get women, backed up by solid intellectual debate. People like Steve would make an impact but as they began to post less, they’d be forgotten. They didn’t attract cultlike followings like many people espousing very complicated formulae.

This began to shift over two major events. The first was a series of scandals, lawsuits, and patterns of forgery being exposed in a couple of the west coast schools of seduction. It left people disenchanted and looking for something else. Some more wholistic schools were then embraced, including Natural Game which I was proud to be a part of, and other steps forward like the direct movement.

So what is Lo-Tech?

It’s simple technology that’s easy to understand, not glamorous on paper, and achives massive successful results out in the social arena.

HIGH-TECH’S PLACE IN THE WORLD

High-tech solutions are not only useful but necessary as well. Before I teach a single lo-tech solution, I begin by outling attraction in a scientific way. Here’s the Cliff Notes:

Attraction is a result of a combination of “VAC” -

Value + Attainability + Compliance

Value: Value is value for a person’s life. There is something that a person wants in an item that makes it valuable to them. In the case of an automobile, it’d be valuable as transportation, for its comfort, and also for its show of status. Sometimes value is consciously recognized, sometimes it fills a subconscious need.

Attainability: Attainability is the belief, conscious or subconscious, that you can have something. When I speak to a room of 30+ people, I get the pleasure to do something a little bit nefarious. I ask, “Who in this room has ever been seriously attracted to the idea of owning a yacht?” Usually 2-3 people will raise their hands. I get to then put them on the spot and make them blush with, “And all of you make a pretty good income, don’t you?” Sheepish nods all around.

People will not become attracted to something they can’t have. It’s a defense mechanism. They might appreciate it or enjoy it, but they won’t pine after it the way they would something they can have. While a yacht would have value for almost any man - It represents power, freedom, luxury, and fun, as well as opening up a whole set of possible adventures - Only men that have at least an outside shot of owning a yacht will become seriously attracted to the idea.

Compliance: Formerly termed “work” or “effort” in early renditions of the VAC Model of Attraction, compliance goes beyond that. It includes active work or effort put into an ordeal, but also includes accepting things that you don’t necessarily like to the end of having something.

Compliance is ruled by the Cost-Worth Conception. This says that people will attribute the worth of something to how much is charged for it. While arguably a flawed way of thinking, it goes a long way to explaining human behavior. The example I use to illustrate this when instructing is a game at a carnival or an amusement park. It’ll cost you $5 to $10 to win a small, stuffed tiger from a game at a carnival, as well as some luck and skill. And after you do, how thrilled will you be? You’ll likely smile and put it on a shelf as a trophy.

What if that stuffed tiger had been given away for free on the street as a promotion for Frosted Flakes? Would you have taken it? Likely not. If it was forced upon you, you might’ve thrown it away immediately in the nearest trash can.

VALUE - WHERE IT ALL STARTS

“Prior to the workshop, I understood the concept [that I already had value] intellectually, but that didn’t make it true for ME. The fact is, in my reality, I saw myself as a below-average looking guy of low value and the goal was to somehow obscure that fact from women via the use of techniques. The idea of having to actually let it be known I’m attainable so as to not intimidate girls never entered my mind.”

-”The Parametric Epiphany”, Parametric

“I’m calling this “The Parametric Epiphany.” Nice ring to it eh? Sounds like the title of a life changing event.

“I had the privilege of being in the room and seeing Parametric’s reaction to Seb and Vin’s correction of this false and limiting belief. Even cooler, I observed firsthand his comfort and smoothness while chatting up that hottie latina (she was quite a looker with a megawatt smile). It definitely wasn’t the vibe of someone who’s wondering meekly “Does this girl like me?” but of a cool and confident guy.”

-Zodiac

While many techniques in seduction at-large focus on the building of value, rarely if ever has value been codified and explained. Here is how we do it:

Value: In regards to meeting new women, value comes down to “value for her life”. That is, something could be valuable in general but not specifically to her - In which case, it is not value for her life, and you don’t have value for her.

VALUE IS ALL ABOUT PERCEPTION. An internally confident person who has a nervous tick may not appear to confident. Likewise, if you’re very nervous but have all the nonverbal communication of a confident person, people will believe you to be confident.

The two kinds of value we focus on are:

Universal Value: These are characteristics that would be attractive to some degree to all women, and not unattractive to any. These include confidence, charisma, leadership, health, and ambition. There’s theoretically an infinite number of universally valuable traits, but if you’re aware of the major ones then you’ll cover the minor ones.

Specific Value: These are traits that would turn some women on, but others off. Two examples on opposite ends of the spectrum: A “dangerous” guy would be attractive to certain kinds of women, usually younger women who are slightly bored or rebellious. At the same time, danger would be a turnoff to most women looking to put together a stable household and settle down and have children. On the other hand, a man with lots of stability who is risk-adverse might be a turn-off to younger party girls, but would appeal more to women looking for a stable father type.

The answer is to develop (or at least develop the appearance) of as much universal value as possible. Since confidence is universally valuable, you want to sit and stand like a confident person (body language). You want to move like a confident person (appear unrushed, fluidity in motion), speak like a confident person (legatto tonality, pauses for emphasis), and make eye contact like a confident person (bridge of the nose, look “through” the other person so your perepheral vision kicks in).

All those little techniques listed in parenthesis will make you appear more confident. And perhaps the best part of all is - After you practice them enough, they become subconscious and you do them automatically. Combined with improved thought patterns (especially Focus) you actually become a more confident person.

“Have you ever noticed that there’s something strange about a lot of sargers [sarge: verb, ‘to attempt to pick up women’]? It’s as if you look at a guy, and you can just TELL that something is missing. And some of these guys even do amazing in the field. They get great reactions most of the time… but, at the same time, they NEVER seem to have a girlfriend.

Most of the guys I know are like this. And there are a few reasons why: First, it goes back to one of my cardinal rules: The best way to sarge is to have something BETTER to do than to sarge.”

-Neil “Style” Strauss, Introduction to “Are you becoming a Social Robot?

Style says it well: Universal Value isn’t just your precise communication skills. It’s all the skills you have. One type of UV is Health: Learning “pickup” won’t improve your health, but health is universally valuable.

That’s scary to some people who don’t want to be healthy. I understand that. And the fact is, you can get away with being poorly dressed and unhealthy if you have enough in the way of other universal and specific value. But, by making simple changes like consuming less simple carbohydrates in favor of complex carbs (switch from white to wheat breads, cut down on soda and pastries and sugar), drinking more water, and eating less deep-fried food, you’ll have more energy, a better complexion, and a better physique. This does improve your “game”, just like more confidence does.

The reason why? Health is universally valuable. Just like confident, charisma, humor, quick wit, leadership, decisiveness, indifference to arbitrary social norms, emotional steadfastness, intelligence, culture, worldliness, creativity, desire to reproduce, popularity, self-esteem, grooming, survival instincts, quick reflexes, and ambition. Composite traits are conditions that exist that indicate some of this universal value. “Good body language” is universally valuable, because it shows the appearance of health, confidence, and self-esteem. Power is generally the result of ambition, leadership, and decisiveness (among other things).

When Vincent and I wrote the most complete list of universal value that we could over the course of two weeks, we found that roughly half of the traits on the list can be improved through learning “pickup” and seduction skills. The other half, things like creativity, ambition, health, quick reflexes, and so on can be improved, but are done so outside of pickup contexts. Things like martial arts (or any combat sport), nutrition, travelling, and learning about art make you more valuable as a person as well.

You want as much Universal Value as you can get. It’ll make you into a better, more productive, happier person - that gets better social results as well.

Specifically Valuable Traits are things that would turn one woman on, but another woman off. The trade-off is well-worth it if you cultivate the right traits - The kind of women you like will be very interested in you, the kinds of women you don’t like will be less interested.

If you don’t know what you want, or you want variety, then you should stick to universal value (which everyone should maximize). If you do have a strong preference, then we’re talking. If you have a strong preference for a type of woman, you can cultivate traits about yourself that lend to your getting that type of woman.

Sometimes this is “like gets like”. Hippy girls like hippy guys. Punker girls like punk guys. And so on through most countercultures. On the flip side, sometimes it’s an opposites thing. Submissive women like dominant men.

You can also see cultural patterns. Women like different things in Barcelona than they do in Chengdu. London and Krakow are quite different. So is Mazatlan and New York City. So if you like certain ethnicities of women, speak to someone knowledgeable about the culture who has solid social skills, or talk to a type of man that’s very interested in variety, who will often understand that a girl from Trinidad will react to different specifically valuable traits than a girl from Seoul.

THE POWER OF FOCUS

You may have noticed something in common with all men who get lots of women from nightclubs.

It’s not that they’re all good looking.

It’s not that they’re all wealthy.

It’s not that they’re all mean, or nice, or any specific behavior pattern.

They say different things.

They do different things.

But they’ve all got one thing in common.

“My girls would be in VIP and I’d go down to the floor and if a guy was just having fun and wasn’t trying to holler, I’d let him go up and let my girls see if they liked him.”

-Dan “Spirit Fingers” R.’s girlfriend, Club Promoter and Bartender

Focus is quintessential Lo-Tech. Focus is a concept that’s so simple on the surface that two years ago, it would have been shunned by socially awkward people. In the last two years, there’s been an evolution in this area of social science. The TNG movement combined with the publication of The Game has more cool people than ever in the seduction community, and they’re demanding technique that works - especially if it should be obvious.

The fact of the matter is, cool guys who get women go out and do two things better than everyone else -

1) They have fun.
2) They socialize.

The first two focuses we prescribe are none other than Have Fun and Be Social.

The reason why -

Have you ever been driving your car, had the radio on, and been either eating or talking on your cell phone? Humans have this amazing ability to multitask, and many people continually are surprised at what people can do with the “back of our minds”. After you learn concepts like Universal Value and Situational Relevance (which is simply choosing things appropriate for the current moment in conversation, including “opening”) then it’s time to work on those skills.

The problem becomes when your primary focus is to “do sets” or “do approaches”. The reason is you’ll run into the problem that every pickup artist, from Razorjack to Craig to Tyler to Vincent to everyone else has sworn is social suicide - The “Hunter Vibe”.

It’s when you look around a club for a “hot babe” to approach, ignoring everyone else around you. Or sit on the wall and get drunk if there aren’t any hot enough girls there, jumping into action if any walk in the door.

The problem with this is that these behaviors are indicative of “low value” (the lack of, and/or opposite of universally valuable traits). These scream “player”.

Cool people are cool because they’re always having fun and socializing with everyone around them. So the first question you should always ask yourself is this - “Am I having fun?” If you are not, begin having fun before moving on to the next step. If you like to drink, it’s okay to have a drink or two. If you like to dance, go dance. If you like to shoot pool, have a game of 8-Ball before you go do your “approaches” if you like.

If you aren’t having fun and don’t have any immediate solution you know will make you have fun, start doing crazy, playful things. 75% of the early part of archive is just me doing silly stuff and laying girls. I’d “open” by taking off a girl’s shades and putting them on, swatting her with my umbrella, or throwing a piece of ice at her. These aren’t good technique per se - but they can jump start the fun you’re having.

One fun exercise we do on workshop now, that you can try with your friends, wingmen, or local lair - Have everyone write one decent opener down that they invented, and throw it in a hat. Everyone draws from the hat and uses it at least once or twice that night.

We had a student use one such opener, that was really just crazy and ridiculous. He walked up to two girls at the bar, waved his arms around, and yelled, “It’s SAUSAGE TIME!!!!”

Did it open?

…

…

…

Yes.

More importantly, it got him having fun. The fact of the matter is: People avoid people that are miserable in bars and nightclubs. People want to meet others who are having a great time and being social.

As for socializing - You MUST talk to everyone. Cool guys, uncool guys, cute girls, ugly girls. Young and old. Fashionable and not. Doing so will get you in the right, talkative frame of mind and will help you have fun. For all the pragmatists out there, it also generates what Professor Cialdini calls “social proof” - It shows people liking you and having fun interacting with you. It also has added benefits. Sometimes you’ll get in for free to places with cover charges, you can get in with managers to get special access like VIP, and perhaps my favorite of all - Getting in with bouncers so if anyone gets rowdy later and starts trouble with you or yours, you simply have them removed with a wave of your hand (much better to be fun and socialize with the troublemaker and turn him or her into a friend, but good to have the option!)

Those are the first two focuses we prescribe. They should take up 50-65% of your conscious thought. You should constantly be having fun and meeting as many people as you can. Handclasp people, pat guys on the back, give girls kisses on the cheeks and get them back. Meet everyone, have a blast doing so. If you’re having a bad time, give yourself a liscense to be silly and get yourself feeling lighthearted again.

Secondary focus: Your secondary focus is what you think about after you’ve started having a good time and socializing. This is where you:

3) Make connections.
4) See if people meet your standards.

Make connections - Try to relate to people and build people up. Confident, social people make people around them better. They engage in what we call “high value attainability” - This is letting other people know they’re good enough to spend time with them, and that they’re liked. Find common ground.

Then see if people meet your standards, instead of the other way around. Never try to impress people. If you work on universal value in your everyday life (becoming more expressive and interesting, learning communications and speaking skills, grooming yourself better, building self-confidence, doing new and interesting things and so on and so forth) and then you’re able to have a lot of fun and be very social anywhere - You’ve got value.

After that, you need to see if people meet your standards. Size them up, see if they’d be fun to be friends with or suitable as a potential girlfriend, and so on. The process of doing so will communicate good things about you - That you have value, to be specific. Having standards suggests you have options - Which means you’ve got value.

Your secondary focuses should take up 25-30% of your thought processes.

So again, the steps for successful pickup:

*) Learn and better yourself as much as possible, including building universal value as much as possible for yourself. This includes everything that can be learned from the disciplines of communications, psychology, sociology, biology, economics, marketing, and so on. Those are where most of the applied social skills from seduction come from.

After that, you’ll know a lot of theory and a lot of techniques. It’s good to study and learn these, but once you hit “the field” to practice and learn”, you need to:

1) Have fun
2) Be social
3) Make connections
4) See if people meet your standards

1&2 are what we call “primary focus”. You want to spend 50-65% of your thought process on doing this at first. After that, do 3&4, your secondary focus. You’ll spend 25-30% of your mental energy here.

That leaves us with “tertiary focus” - This is where everything else goes. This is where your theory goes, this is where you analyze VAC and look for what you’re missing. This is where you do compliance technique and work on logistics, among other things.

On a good day, only 5% of your thinking will have to be diverted into this. On a bad day, as much as 25% will be. But even on a logistical nightmare of a pickup, having fun, being social, making connections, and seeing if people meet your standards will consist of most of the effort you’ll make.

Sebastian Drake