Hey gents -

I was cleaning out my hard drive today, going through old docs.
Here’s a piece that was part of a roughed up introduction to a
piece I was writing on Mutual Value Escalation. For those of you
who haven’t heard, it used to be something I was stressing all the
time: In an interaction, winning more via the people you’re
interacting with winning. To put it this way - If you start at a
value of “6″ and she starts at “7″, you’ve got issues, no? Some men
would suggest you knock her down to grab some status. Maybe a +1
you, -1 her. So you go to 7, and she goes to 6, and then you have a
shot. The problem is - she’s now “damaged goods” - you’ve now got a
girl whose not living up to her potential, somewhat insecure, that
might lash back at you. Sure, it’s better than what most guys do -
“Can I buy you a drink?” Which is -1 guy, +1 girl. So the guy goes
down to a 5 and the girl takes a bitchy 8 stance. Now, of course
putting a number to your social status is pretty arbitrary and
ridiculous - but the idea stands.

Here’s the excerpt from the old, uncompleted work:

***

During any social interaction, one of five things is happening:

-You’re winning, they’re losing. (”taking”, being a “taker”)
-You’re losing, they’re winning. (”giving”, being a “giver”)
-You’re both winning. (”escalating”, being a “leader”)
-You’re both losing. (”degrading”, being a “degrader”)
-Nothing is changing. (neutral interaction)

This is what we call “mutual value”. Two people have their value
constantly play on each other. The maximum benefit you can get out
of any interaction will be being a mutual value escalator, also
known as a leader. This will be the methods we teach, though we
will also delve a little bit into how to take from someone’s
expense if they’re being disrespectful or rude. In other words, if
they’re to take from you, we’ll turn the tables on them.

***

To put it into numbers, again, you’re a “male 6″, she’s a “female 7″

Originally:
You: 6
Her: 7

Do nothing:
You: 6
Her: 7

Supplicate/fawn:
You: 5
Her: 8

Supplicate really, really badly:
You: 2
Her: 7

Try to “knock her off her pedestal”:
You: 7
Her: 6

But my favorite is to raise the other person up. The fact is, a
confident leader that makes people always better, always stronger
around him, has his own value perceived to be increased in the
process. If people feel stronger around you, and you carry yourself
well and confidently in the process, then you gain even more.

So mutual value escalation:

Her: 8

She went up… and you’re only a 6, right? Wrong! Improving people
in a confident, genuine way that upholds your standards and doesn’t
supplicate actually increases YOUR value!

So, originally:

You: 6
Her: 7

Raise her value up through high standards, praise, leading, and
showing genuine interest and appreciate for her:

You: 9+
Her: 8+

The numbers are arbitrary and ridiculous, but the point stands -
leading people to be the best people they can be increases your
social value more than anything else you could do. You do have to
have base value to begin with to even start this process, but if
you do, confident leading and raising people up will increase your
value higher than anything else you could do. The only time you
“take” from people - gain social value at their expense - is when
they’re incapable of mutual value escalation. Those people you beat
down as appropriate, or when employing subtlety, use the retarded
look and other forms of minor social pressure and withdrawing your
time. Thankfully, the vast majority of people (including beautiful
women!) are capable of mutual value escalation, and respond well to
confident leaders that guide them gently to being the best person
they could be.

Sebastian

Everyone sizes up everyone that meet in a split second. While the
most open-minded and enlightened people let their views of others
evolve, everything we see gets factored into decision making.

If you’re having problems with a negative stereotype about you, the
problem is that that stereotype is providing more information about
you than any other source.

I have clients of all races. Have had clients from every continent,
and very many countries. And I’ve noticed something time and time
again: Students who succeed have positive characteristics that
dominate your first impression of them.

Students who don’t are bland, which leaves people’s split second
judges of them to chance.

Overdomination:

A characteristic is said to “dominate” another when it gets
factored before that characteristic. For instance, clothing
dominates race - what you’re wearing gets factored into how people
judge each other before your skin color. Put this way - if you see
a Brazilian guy in an Armani suit, you say -

“Rich Brazilian guy”, not “Brazilian rich guy”.

But the fact that he’s rich doesn’t make you forget that he’s a
Brazilian gentleman - so you’re going to factor in your past
experiences with people from Brazil when you size him up instantly.

So here’s the crux of it - if some characteristics about you aren’t
great for the area you’re in, or you don’t believe it works well
for you, you want to get other characteristics that dominate those
traits. Even if your stereotypical characteristics are advantageous
to you - tall, square-jawed Brazilian guy - you can still evolve
past that. If people’s SECOND impression of you is that you’re a
tall, square-jawed Brazilian, then you’re in really great shape.

Now the real deal - what if you’re the “wrong” type for whatever
you want to do? What if you’re applying for a job in a racist
country, what if you’re shorter than everyone around you in a place
that values height, what if you don’t have the same “pedigree” that
is expected of someone to enter a certain social circle?

The key is - overdomination.

Traits that dominate get consideration first, and then other traits
are looked at.

Traits that OVERDOMINATE are traits that make you forget about the
other characteristics of the person. The other traits become
irrelevant in light of such a large, dominating trait.

Power.

Power is a classical overdominating trait. If you see a very
powerful guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of him is.
You see powerful men of all types. Even an ardent racist is going
to respect Samuel L. Jackson.

Charisma.

Charisma is a classical overdominating trait. If you see a very
charismatic guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of him
is. Even though he’s only 5′6, Tom Cruise absolutely glows.

In the last month, I’ve had a mix of very interesting clients. One
was a gentleman who was truly insightful - he’s a world traveller,
a scholar, enlightened and brilliant and charming. He’s got wild
stories of his travels through North America and the Orient, and he
talks with rapture about dangerous attempts of criminals to trying
to rob or extort him. He laughs at the time that he got scammed
twice in the same night, and laughs with a sense of dignity - he
learned the lesson, and the anecdote was worth the few dollars.
He’ll make more money, and if he doesn’t, money won’t be an issue.
A renaissance man, if you will, that is knowledgeable about history
and art but dresses in sharp, tailored high fashion.

Oh yeah, and he’s a medium-built Chinese-Canadian guy that’s
average height and with a so-so physique.

It’s the last thing you notice - when he’s on, he combines power
and charm, and they overdominate his other characteristics. If you
met him, you’d like him.

I hear men worry about their height, race, nationality, accent,
age, and all sorts of other traits frequently.

I’ll tell you when you’re in trouble - when the first thing someone
notices about you is that you’re short, or that you’re young, or
that you’re a particular race. That happens to people who have no
characteristics more interesting than those traits.

Now, those traits will still stereotype you to people as a “second
impression” if you get some traits that dominate them. For
instance, looking “corporate” will get noticed before your
ethnicity. Your race will still be factored, but you’ll get all the
stereotypes about being corporate (doesn’t care about the
environment, really damn busy, resents poor people, is extremely
good in bed) before you get the ones about your race.

And if you really put yourself together extremely well, eventually
you come to stand for an idea, and an ideal. One of the most
successful clients I’ve ever had the blessing to teach was an
extremely successful professional who, without a college degree,
moved through various entrepreneurial endeavors and then worked his
way up the chain in the construction industry until he’s now making
piles of money.

He’s a short guy, with an unexceptional physique. His clothes
aren’t extremely high end, either - he usually wears Levi’s. But
he’s “got it” - characteristics that overdominate.

Power.
Leadership.
Charm.
“Gets shit done”.

These characteristics can be built over time. A good place to start
is with your nonverbals - right now, we’re going to work on it.
From behind your monitor, indulge me for five minutes.

Push your shoulders as far back as you can, so that they’re even
tense.
Push your chest as far out as you can.
Suck your stomach in.
Tilt your head upwards - your chin should be slightly above
parallel to the ground.
Now take a deep breath… hold it…
…now exhale, and let your muscles relax and be not tense. Keep
your shoulders “back and broad”, your chest pushed out, stomach in,
and head up.

(The to remember this quickly and fix your bodylanguage in a
nightclub is to go through this order -

Back and broad, out, in, up, breathe - which stands for shoulders
back and broad, chest out, stomach in, head up, breathe)

When you make eye contact with people, look from your right eye to
their right eye, or to the bridge of their nose which makes you
look like you’re looking into both their eyes simultaneously.

When you walk, go S-Squared as instructor Morgan puts it.
S-Squared: Smooth and Slow. All your actions should be smooth and
slow, which entains thinking about everything before you do it. Be
the observed, not the observer.

That’s the start of developing some “power” about you.

If your first impression is excellent and unique, your “second
impression” - the stuff you can’t change - becomes less important.

And when you seem extremely powerful to random people who meet you,
or extremely charming, completely stylish, or like an amazing
leader - then secondary characteristics about you won’t even factor.

Sebastian

Howdy folks -

We talk lots about compliance here at theApproach - to become
attracted to something, people need to put work or effort into it.
It ties into the Cost/Worth Conception - people think things are
worth what they cost. If you set the price for yourself too low,
women will think you’re not worth anything… if you were,
certainly you’d have higher standards and ask to be treated well, no?

So we talk about and teach how to screen women to see if they’re
the type you want, and how to get them to help you with your goals,
and even to spend some money on you.

The thing is - compliance starts immediately in an interaction. The
lowest levels - her acknowledging and responding to you socializing
- is what we call “base compliance”. These are the small things
that she needs to do for the interaction to get started.

Base compliance is what the girl needs to do in the VERY START of
the interaction for the interaction to begin and for her to want
you there. There’s 5 steps in base compliance:

1. Acknowledgement
2. Listening
3. Answering Questions
4. Responding to Statements
5. Active Contribution

Here’s what the woman has to do:

1. Acknowledgement: She needs to physically acknowledge you - look
in your general direction.

2. Listening: She needs to listen to you, and be able to hear you
as you open and start conversing.

3. Answering Questions: She needs to answer your questions after
and during opening.

4. Responding to Statements: Conversations aren’t interrogations.
After a while, your conversations need to shift into you making
statements, and her responding to those and contributing to the
interaction.

5. Active Contribution: Finally, she needs to help actively
contribute to the interaction by asking you good questions, picking
up where you left off, and helping the interaction move forwards.

A couple quick notes:

So what can you do with this? This is for troubleshooting - EVERY
time you don’t open, you didn’t get one of these levels of base
compliance. You don’t always have to go in order through them, but
every time a girl doesn’t open, one of these steps is where.

If it just happens once, it’s interesting. But if you keep running
into the same problem with opening, you can work on the following
things. Here’s how to troubleshoot base compliance:

1. Acknowledgement: If the girl won’t acknowledge you, you should
look at your nonverbal image projection - the mix of your
bodylanguage, fluidity in motion (being graceful as opposed to
clumsy - which can be learned), walking patterns from both entering
the club (slowly… not scurrying) and approaching the girl (no
hesitation she sees). If your nonverbals are way off, girls can
brush you off before you even go to open. Second, make sure you’re
not opening directly from behind. The side, front, front-side, or
whatever - it doesn’t matter, as long as it’s not directly from
behind. You’ll sometimes get away with opening directly from
behind, but because of the chance to startle the person, open from
the front or side whenever possible.

2. Listening: Listening follows from acknowledgement: Your
nonverbals will be looked at again, and you’ll have to have a
command presence where the woman will listen and respond to you.
Also, you’ll need to be loud enough to be heard in loud nightclubs.

3. Answering Questions: After she’s listening, you’re opening. If
she refuses to answer questions after you open, it’s ALWAYS a
problem with Situational Relevance - is what you said appropriate
for the context, at the right level of comprehension for the venue,
and near her energy level? Your opener needs to be situationally
relevant, and your questions need to follow situationally
relevantly from the opener.

4. Responding to Statements: This is where a lot of guys get in
trouble. Here’s the thing - interactions shouldn’t be
interrogations. At some point, you need to get into a spot where
you’re making statements, and she’s responding, and it’s going back
and forth. But some girls have a problem doing so. Here’s what you
do -

*Make a statement
*Pause and give her a chance to reply
*If she doesn’t reply, ask a question that follows from your
statement
*Threadcut her answer (make a statement based upon at least one
word or the theme or what she said that goes in another direction)
*Repeat

So if she’s already answering questions and not yet responding to
statements, here’s what you can do:

You: Where you from?
Her: Los Angeles.
You: Cool - I love Los Angeles. My favorite is hanging out at
Melrose and Venice Beach…
(wait…. no answer from her?)
You: What’s your favorite thing about Los Angeles?
Her: I like Hollywood a lot.
You: That’s cool. We go out clubbing in the Hollywood area sometimes.
(wait…. nothing?)
You: You a clubber?
Her: A little.
You: Yeah, that’s cool. I like heading to places with mixed kinds
of music… like more than one room or dance floor. House music is
my favorite.
Her: Oh yeah? I love house music! My favorite is…

Jackpot - see at the end, she responds to a statement with her own
statement - conversations need to move in the direction. If you
make situationally relevant, interesting threadcuts, and keep doing
so, she’s ALWAYS going to respond at some point - and then she’s
put more into the interaction, and is becoming more attracted to
you if you’ve got the value and attainability down.

5. Active Contribution: After she’s answering questions and
responding to statements, you’ve got a normal conversation. Through
it, you can get her to put in work (good for compliance), and show
her that she’s got a shot at you (attainability). Your value can be
established any number of ways, either conversationally or
nonverbally as well.

To get active contribution from a girl, you need the first four
levels of base compliance (acknowledgement, listening, answering
questions, responding to statements) as well as some general VAC -
you’re valuable, she has a shot at you, and she’s started to work
to get you.

Then - and this is crucial - master the art of shutting up when
appropriate. If she hasn’t been jumping in and aiding the
conversation heavily at the 20-30 minute mark, try letting
conversation die in a relaxed way so that she has to pick it back
up. If you’re rambling nonstop, it doesn’t give her an opportunity
to contribute which is crucial.

Don’t overthink base compliance when out socializing - but it is an
excellent troubleshooting technique. If your openers aren’t working
when you’re out, you can pin it to one part of base compliance
every single time - and fix the part that needs fixing.

Also, remember this - getting higher levels of compliance
automatically unlocks a lower level. So, if she gives you a
compliment to start the interaction (active contribution), she’s
obviously acknowledging you. Just like how if you can get her to
come over and clean your house, do your laundry, and cook you
dinner, sex becomes automatic. Cool, huh?

Have fun, keep playin’!

Sebastian

Have you ever wondered about what causes women to feel that burning desire to be with someone? How come a man with seemingly nothing going on can get women obsessed with them? Why many men sit in “idle mode” with women even though they’ve got lots going on?

In the last five years, the field being labelled as “seduction” has made leaps and bounds. Many men are realizing that they don’t need to accept the limited social skills they were able to figure out themselves through their high school and college years, and are setting to making a real change in their lives.

And yet through it all, no one had defined attraction. You might have read somewhere that doing something created attraction, or that something else was unattractive, but WHY WAS THAT?

It was a million dollar question. That has finally been answered.

***

The bestselling novel “The Game” by Neil Strauss chronicles the journey of one man - Neil, a music critic and freelance journalist. In the book, he goes from being an uber-nerd to a veritable stud with women - despite being 5′6 and unaesthetically pleasing. We’ll use some excerpts from the book as case-studies in explaining attraction.

***

Attraction is a result of three things. Every time someone is attracted to something, these three things will be present. Every time these three things are present in something for someone, that person will be attracted to it.

If these things are present, a woman will be attracted to you. Every single time.

THE THREE COMPONENTS OF ATTRACTION:

Value, Attainability, and Compliance.

***

VALUE

“Value” is something that fills a conscious or subconscious need for a person. What is valuable is unique to every single person, but there are a set of traits that are valuable to almost everyone. These traits - like confidence, charisma, and leadership - are valuable to almost any woman. Many traits will be valuable to one type of woman but not another.

There traits that are almost universally valuable (and thus, attractive) should be universally developed, so that you’re perceived as having them with minimal effort on your part.

Many of our techniques focus on these, while some of them are traits from other parts of your life that are good to develop. Twenty of the most common universally valuable traits follow:

Ambition

Charisma*

Confidence*

Creativity

Desire to Reproduce*

Dominance*

Emotionally Steadfast*

Empathy*

Health

Humor*

Intelligence

Leadership*

Passion For Something in Life

Popular*

Protects One’s Own

Quick Reflexes

Quick Wit*

Sociable*

Survival Instincts

Worldliness

The items with asterisks are developed directly by social training. More than half of them - That’s more than any other sub-set of life. Our interactions with people dominate how our value is assessed. Many of the other traits on the list can be demonstrated even if not already possessed. How?

***

THE THREE WAYS VALUE IS PERCEIVED

1. Presence: If you’ve ever seen a great comedian, often he’ll walk onto stage, and just STARE at the crowd until - they start laughing. This is a person with the presence of a sense of humor. Likewise, a very confidence person seems to just ooze or eminate confidence. A healthy person need do no more than be present to show he is healthy.

This path takes significant time to develop, but once you’ve done it - you need make no effort. If you develop yourself into a charismatic person, which can be done with training and practice, then you simply need to do no more than show up for people to know you’re charismatic. You have that presence.

2. The Appearance: “A prince need not possess princely qualities. He merely needs the appearance of princely qualities.” - Niccolo Machiavelli

Machiavelli is largely right. If you’re not a leader, you can still develop the body language and walking patterns of a confident leader. This will give you the appearance of being a leader. You’ll be perceived as being a leader which is good for your value right away.

By affecting the appearance of a leader, you will be treated as others by a leader. You’ll become more of a leader over time. Developing the appearance of a trait you don’t have, such as popularity, is a crucial step on the way to becoming popular. This is “Fake it ’till you make it” done correctly, and actually making it.

3. Active Demonstration: Not funny? Tell a joke.

Active demonstrations are excellent ways to show people you have a positive trait that you might not actually yet possess. You can take an action or story from someone who does have it, and use it. Not a naturally sociable person? What if you were taught the exact way a sociable person approaches and interacts with people?

People will think you’re sociable. This is the fastest way to show one person you have a trait about you.

For universal value, it’s in your best interest to cultivative the appearance or actually become valuable with time. It can be tedious to have to tell a funny joke to every person you meet so they know you have a sense of humor. But while you’re learning, this is a powerful way to start.

***

KINESTHETICS AND VALUE:

The word Kinesthetic means touching. In the seduction community at large, it’s fondly called “kino”. It means touching another person.

If a man wants to demonstrate he’s comfortable with himself, comfortable with others, dominant, and confident, one way to do all that is to kino. The man can learn about the three good kinds of kino - Playful, protective, and incidental. He can learn a few types of kino, like putting his hand on a woman’s lower back to escort her through a room (protective kino), or taking her hand in his, then spinning her salsa style (playful).

Now he can actively demonstrate he’s comfortable, confident, and dominant.

Over time, he’ll automatically do kino. It becomes normal for him to slap a friend on the back, or to lightly touch someone’s elbow during a handshake the way former President Clinton done, a proven kind of incidental kino that makes others feel comfortable around you.

The man now touches people in a confident, friendly way. He’s now developed the appearance that he’s confident, dominant, and comfortable around himself and others. People will perceive him as having those traits even if he doesn’t have the internal “mettle” yet.

And if that man allows his belief system to develop, he’ll come to actually be comfortable with himself and around other people. At this point, no conscious technique or tactic is necessary: He has simply become a person who is comfortable with himself and around others. He is more confident and dominant, and people see it just by being near him. He is now more universally valuable.

And he knows it.

***

DANGER AND RISK-ADVERSITY: Specifically Valuable Traits

Items like confidence and charisma are universally valuable. Most if not all women want these traits in a man.

Those aren’t it though. Take the example of the “dangerous” man - A guy who seems dangerous, lawless, taking senseless risks and who is just generally out of control.

This guy, leather jacket and long hair in tow, tends to be valuable to younger women who are bored and looking to be defiant.

On the other hand, take a stable risk-adverse guy. He’s got his act together, got a decent job, and doesn’t take risks. While he wouldn’t be very attractive the 19-year-old wild child-type girl, he’s very valuable to decent stable women looking to settle down and raise a family.

This is specific value at work. Some of it is counter-intuitive or surprising. Through field-testing and empirical evidence, us at theApproach have found that many women in their early 30’s who have just gone through a divorce or gotten out of a long term relationship are looking for reckless fun and excitement in their lives. Some popular literature and others’ experiences back us up on that one too…

A lot of men have questions about whether they can get the type of women they want based on certain unchangeable things in their life - Their height, race, age, or birth country.

The answer lies here: While specific value is a huge help to you, a man can get by without having a supposedly “necessary” type of specific value - if he has even MORE universal value.

I was talking to one of my students who I first instructed a few years ago. He’s gone on to become a veritable heartbreaker, I’m sad to say. See, I don’t believe in putting women down hard, I believe in always leaving them better than they were when I found them. But my man - we’ll call him Kaz - lives a busy life and winds up breaking women’s hearts.

Well, Kaz is Asian if you hadn’t realized that. And guess what he hears a lot? “You’re the first Asian guy I’ve ever been attracted to”. But then you know what happens? Post-Kaz-heartbreak, the women start dating Asian guys.

This is how the barriers get broken down. One really high-value guy that’s not normally on the woman’s radar breaks through, and then that specific value - “I only date black guys”, “I only date Asian guys”, “I only date older guys” - is gone. Specific value helps a lot to be sure, but if you’re better than the rest you can get what you want.

***

ATTAINABILITY

Value is a huge part of attraction. A tremendous part. If you don’t have any value, it doesn’t matter at all if she has a shot at that no-value.

But value is pretty easy to appear to have. You already have some in your life, no doubt. If you’re at all driven or successful in anything you do, you’ve got SOME value. You could get more, or at least appear to have more, and we’re going to help you with that.

This raises the age-old question then - “I’m a great guy, but women don’t seem to like me. Why?”

The answer is quite simply - they don’t see that you’re a great guy FOR THEM.

Attainability converts “value” into “value for her life”. It gives her a chance to believe she can have your value and it can enrich her life.

This confuses some men, especially men that have never had really great girlfriends, or are looking for really elite women that they might perceive as beyond them.

Consider this: What woman in your own life drove you absolutely crazy? Close your eyes and imagine her.

Got her? That girl that kept your up at night?

That you daydreamed about? Know who I’m talking about?

Okay. Got her?

Is it…

Pamela Anderson?

Cindy Crawford?

Lucy Liu?

Mariah Carrey?

Carmen Electra?

Charlize Theron?

Or any other really beautiful actress/model/singer type?

Of course not. It’s probably a neighbor, or a classmate. A girl that lived near you, or was part of your social circle.

The reason is that that woman seemed attainable to you, in a way that a centerfold didn’t.

This comes down to what’s called the Auto-Rejection Mechanism. If someone believes they can’t have something, they’ll rationalize they don’t want it so that they can be happy.

This is the reason that very unattractive women get extremely rude and nasty when hit on in bars - They assume it’s insincere and they have no chance, so they become absolutely rude.

Being attainable does not mean being available - the woman shouldn’t believe that she has you no matter what, and can’t lose you no matter what she does. She should believe she has a shot to get you if you want to attract her.

***

COMPLIANCE

Ever been to a carnival? Or an amusement park or anything with those games you pay a couple dollars to play to try to win prizes?

Ever win? Or see a guy who did?

How do they feel?

They pump their fist, get excited. They get a stuffed tiger for a prize, and usually either give that tiger as a sign of affection to a girlfriend or put it on a shelf like a trophy.

This comes down to the Cost-Worth Conception. People think things are worth what they cost.

So no cost? Free? Must be worthless.

That little stuffed tiger the man got so excited about when he won? Would he even take it if it were being given away on the streets as a promotion for a sugary cereal?

Probably not.

***

The more effort a woman puts into an interaction with a guy, with pleasing or impressing him, or handling logistics so they can see each other, the more she’ll be attracted to him. Since his cost is high, his worth must be high too.

But there’s more to compliance than just work and effort.

Listen to a woman talk to her friends who is really, really attracted to her boyfriend. Does she go on, gushing about how he’s absolutely perfect and she wouldn’t change anything about him if given the change? Oh no!

Women who are very attracted to their boyfriends are often complaining about how he’s such a jerk, or doesn’t take care of her, or has bad habits or whatever else.

The reason is that accepting things she doesn’t like is compliance too. If she accepts something about him that’s not ideal in her mind, then he must be even MORE worth it in his other areas. That’s another reason Kaz was such a heartbreaker - The girls would think, “I don’t normally like Asian guys. He must be something really special.” Then he’d still see other women, have condom wrappers at his place, lipstick on wine glasses and all sorts of unsubtle things like that. And a few women would stop seeing him right then, but of the girls that stuck around - they got even more attracted.

When a woman is forced to work for something, she’ll feel like she deserves it and want it even more. To have a woman really attracted to you, she’ll need to feel like she deserves you. This comes down to attainablity, which is the feeling she can have you, and compliance, which is working to get you.

***

The Game by Neil Strauss was a New York Times Bestseller, and details Neil’s road to success with women. Under his pseudonym, “Style” as in “Man of Style”, he has many adventures. All excerpts are used directly from the book under fair use, and all rights are reserved to Neil and his publisher.

I chose The Game for this article’s teaching tool because it’s a fun read many people have with them, and because using anecdotes from someone’s life other than my own lets me stay unbiased and teach you as a social scientists. Page numbers are included so you can read along at home.

(and many of my friends who I gave an early draft of this article to said The Game read completely differently once they understood VAC)

***

Pages 312-317. Neil has completed an interview of Britney Spears, a beautiful coveted celebrity. He gets her phone number in a feat of true prowess, but is waffling on calling her. His friend “Mystery” tries to convince him to.

THE GAME PAGE 317:

>>>

“Just call her,” Mystery constantly prodded me. “What do you have to lose? Tell her, ‘Can you not look like Britney Spears? We’re going to do some crazy shit, and we can’t get caught. We’re going to wear wigs, climb up to the Hollywood sign, and touch it for good luck.”

“If I had met her socially, fine. But this is a work assignment.”

“You’re playing the game at another level now. When the article is finished, it isn’t an assignment anymore. So call her.”

But I couldn’t do it. If it had been Dalene Kurtis, the Playmate of the Year, I would have called her back in a second. I had no fear of women like that anymore. I felt worthy. I’d proven that over and over since meeting her. But Britney Spears?

One’s self-esteem can only grow so much in a year and a half.

<<<

VAC ANALYSIS:

Neil decides against calling her because he thinks she’s unattainable. The telltale lines are, “I had no fear of women like that anymore. I felt worthy.” (shows he feels Dalene Kurtis is attainable to him) And “One’s self-esteem can only grow so much in a year and a half.” (shows he doesn’t think Britney is attainable)

Now, if Britney had wanted Neil, she could have fostered a sense of attainability about herself for him. A phone call or two, or perhaps something akin to some of the techniques we use to ground herself as an average person beneath all the celebrity. And if she had done that, Neil would have became much, much attracted to her than he was.

***

Towards the end of The Game, Neil becomes very attracted - and eventually goes completely exclusive for - a woman named Lisa. What did Lisa have that the other girls didn’t? Well, she had value for his life, being beautiful, intelligent, and with a better personality than most of the girls Neil has met. And since Neil is a top-notch Pick-Up Artist, he feels all women are attainable: He’s unlikely to feel an Auto-Rejection Mechanism except on the most elite of celebrities.

But what about work? At this point in the book, Neil is used to getting huge amounts of compliance from the women in his life. He runs his game for a while and they like it. He phase-shifts and kisses them. They begin to fall ga-ga for them, and if necessary, he uses his techniques to blast LMR and bed them. When and how he pleases.

THE GAME PAGE 365

>>>

I held her eye contact and moved toward her for the kiss, holding the camera in front of us to capture it.

“I’m not kissing you,” she barked.

The words scalded my face like hot coffee. There was no girl I couldn’t kiss within a half hour of meeting her. What was her problem?

I froze her out and tried again. Nothing.

It is in these moments that, as a PUA, you start to question the work you’ve done on yourself. You begin to worry that maybe she sees the real you, the one who existed before the silly nickname, the one who wrote poems about this exact situation in high school.

I delivered a moving, impassioned performance of the evolution phase-shift routine. Somewhere in the distance, I heard a thousand PUAs applauding.

“I’m not biting you,” she said.

I wasn’t through. I told her the most beautiful love story ever written: “On Seeing the 100 Percent Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning” by Haruki Murakami. It is about a man and a woman who are soul mates. But when they doubt their connection for a moment and decide not to act on it, they lose each other forever.

She was ice cold.

I tried a hardcore freeze-out: I blew out the candles, turned off the music, turned on the lights, and checked my email.

She climbed into my bed, curled up under the covers, and went to sleep.

I finally I joined her, and we slept on opposite ends of the bed.

<<<

VAC ANALYSIS:

There is no doubt at this point in the book that Lisa will end up with Style if she wants him. She has value for his life, he feels she is attainable to him, but he will be made to work for it. If he “catches” her in the end, he will be astronomically more attracted to him than if she had bedded him that evening.

The old addage that a woman must make her man wait to have her for him to respect her isn’t necessarily true. But it is one of the simplest and easiest ways of making a man work to get her and become more attracted.

The only way, the absolutely only way Lisa could lose Neil at this point in the novel is for his sense of attainability to fall off. This would be a difficult proposition, but because Style is a man of some character and self-esteem, he won’t hang around forever if she makes it clear she won’t be his. The value is there. He’s worked for her. Now, if she keeps herself appearing attainable, she can have him when she likes him.

THE GAME PAGE 368:

>>>

So we [Neil and Lisa] spent another platonic night together. It was driving me crazy. I knew she liked me. But she wouldn’t get intimate. I was teetering on the border of being LJBF’ed.

Maybe I just wasn’t her type. I imagined her with tattooed, muscle-bound, leather-jacketed Danzig types, not a scrawny metrosexual guy who had to take pickup workshops. She was killing me.

For the first time since I’d learned the word one-itis, I knew that I was doomed. No one ever gets his one-itis. He gets too clingy and needy and blows it. And, sure enough, I blew it.

<<<

VAC ANALYSIS:

At this point, Neil is questing whether she’s attainable or not. And then when she blows him off later, leaving him at the airport with a limo, liquor, and a fancy date planned, his sense of her attainability is near-gone. He continues to pursue her, but details on page 372 that he leaves a message for her and she doesn’t call back.

Neil does his thing, and goes on a little tear of his own, sleeping with a bunch of different women. He thinks of Lisa from time to time, but you can even see what happens in the pacing of the book: There’s barely a mention of her for the next 24 pages as he talks about sleeping with other women and all the ProHo drama. Though no one can be sure, pick-up artists would like to think Neil didn’t spend all his time pining over Lisa in the days that passed until he ran into her again. Though this will happen occasionally with women, most of the time high self-esteem men won’t think constantly over a one-itis once the sense of attainability is gone. At the very least, they’re unlikely to take rational action unless the woman first makes a move of her own.

Which Lisa does, incidentally. If you’ve read the book, you know what happens. She shows up in her convertible, and Neil is ecstatic. She expresses interest in him on page 396 and his sense of her attainability is back.

THE GAME PAGE 410:

>>>

[Strauss:] “So what made you drive up the hill the other day to see me again?”

[Lisa:] “while you were gone, I realized how much I missed you.” I loved watching her lips part over her front teeth when she talked. It made me think of salmon on rice. “My friends were making fun of me because I was counting down the days until you came home. I actually went grocery shopping while you were gone so I could cook you food. I don’t know why.” She hesitated and smiled, as if she were offering information she’d never planned to divulge. “I bought a fresh piece of swordfish and had to throw it away because it went bad.”

A warm flush of confidence filled my chest. So I still had a chance with this girl.

<<<

VAC ANALYSIS:

Neil, again, sees Lisa as attainable and you can actually see him immediately feel attraction! She says she misses him, and then he thinks about how much he loves watching her lips part over her front teeth. He analogizes it to salmon on rice.

This is going to lead to more effective seduction on her part: She likes him, and with all the work she’s made him put in, she has a definite shot at exclusivity with a top-notch pickup artist if she wants it. Her own “game” is definitely top of the line.

The rest of pages 410 and 411 are provide even better examples. Why did Lisa act the way she did and lose attraction for Neil? She, herself, wasn’t sure about his attainability. She was thankfully sure enough to reengage him, but there was a little mixup that caused her Auto-Rejection Mechanism to set in - and tell a guy that she liked that he had no chance.

She’s not rejecting Neil, she’s rejecting HERSELF! This is what happens when the sense of attainability is removed.

THE GAME PAGE 410

>>>

“But it’s too late,” she said. “The window was open with me, and you blew it.”

David DeAngelo would have said to go cocky funny here. Ross Jeffries would have said not to buy into her frame. Mystery would have said to punish her. But I had to ask: “How did I blow it?”

“First off, you didn’t call me when you came home from Miami. I had to go to you.”

“Hold on. I thought you were blowing me off. You never even called while I was away.”

“Well, your voice mail said you were out of town and you weren’t receiving calls, so I didn’t leave a message.”

“Yeah, but I would have returned your call. I wanted to hear from you.”

“Then you came to Whiskey Bar and hardly talked. And the last straw was when we went to your house to go surfing. I told Sam I was starting to like you again and she said, ‘Get over it. When I went up to his room to use the bathroom, I found a used condom on the floor.’”

My brain leaped up and slapped itself. I had been careless: I’d forgotten to throw away the condom I’d used with Isabel. So that’s what Sam and she were whispering about in the car on the way to Malibu.

“So then why did you agree to go out with me tonight?”

“You asked me out on a proper date. And you were a little nervous, so I figured you must really be into me.”

I propped myself up on the pillows. I was about to say the most AFC thing of my life. “Let me tell you something. The pickup artists have a word they call one-itis. It’s a disease that people get when they become obsessed with just one girl. And they never end up with this girl because they get too nervous around her and scare her away.”

“So?” she asked.

“So,” I said. “You’re my one-itis.”

We were looking each other in the eyes now. I could see hers sparkle. I knew mine were sparkling. It was time to kiss her.

There were no lines, no routines, no evolution phase-shift–I’d tried them all unsuccessfully anyway. I leaned in. She leaned in. Her eyes closed. My eyes closed. Our lips met. It was just like I’d always thought a kiss was supposed to begin.

For hours, we lay there making out and dissecting the connections and misunderstandings of the past few weeks.

<<<

VAC ANALYSIS:

You can see her ARM (Auto-Rejection Mechanism) in motion. “I told Sam I was starting to like you again and she said, ‘Get over it. When I went up to his room to use the bathroom, I found a used condom on the floor.’”

“I told Sam I was starting to like you again” is a classic example of attraction rebuilding. Neil invites Lisa surfing, so Lisa thinks Neil is attainable. Attraction grows. But then Sam tells Lisa about the condom on the floor. Attainability fades. Attraction fades.

BUT, Neil Strauss is a man of exceptional character, and shows why he’s been crowned one of the best pick-up artists of this era. Though he’s not exactly sure why, he knows intuitively that David DeAngelo’s advice is based on making her work for him, which isn’t the answer. Ross and Mystery are suggesting to do things that demonstrate value through independence and choice, which also isn’t necessary for this spot.

So Neil opens up and shows Lisa he’s attainable. He goes as far as to tell her that he’s obsessed with her: And it works. The value for her life was there (Neil’s a great guy with a good career and lots of interesting stuff going on). She’s had to work for him, charming and seducing him. When he shows her that he’s attainable to her, she falls for him.

Deciding to be faithful now, Strauss sets about dumping his other girlfriends.

THE GAME PAGE 411:

>>>

“So you’re choosing her over me?” Isabel asked angrily.

“It’s not an intellectual choice.”

“Is she better in bed or something?”

“I don’t know. We’ve only kissed.”

“So you made out with some girl,” she said, with a weak attempt at a cruel laugh, “and you want to get rid of me now.”

“It’s not that I want to get rid of you. I’d still like to see you, but as a friend.” I could hear the word pierce her heart like a dagger, as it had my own heart so many times before I’d joined the community.

“But I love you.”

How could she love me? She needed to go fuck a dozen other guys to get over her one-itis.

“I’m sorry,” I said. And I was.

There is a downside to casual sex: Sometimes it stops being casual. People develop a desire for something more. And when one person’s expectations don’t match the other person’s, then whoever holds the highest expectations suffers. There is no such thing as cheap sex. It always comes with a price.

<<<

VAC ANALYSIS:

Neil, in a way, touches on value and working for someone here. Neil has more value for Isabel’s life than Isabel has for Neil’s life. And Isabel has worked harder for him than he has for her. The two combined together means she feels she deserves him and is attracted to him - so of course it hurts. Many men that read this will understand how Isabel felt.

While it’s not nearly as common for women to feel this pain as men, it does happen. She was attracted to him: Neil had value for Isabel’s life, since he was a good guy with a lot to offer. He was attainable since she’d already been bedding him and spending time with him. And she’d put in a lot of work - compliance - by doing things to please and impress him, and accepting conditions she didn’t like such as non-exclusivity.

Though I won’t ruin the specifics, I’ll let you know there is a happily-ever-after to this book, and Neil and Lisa do metaphorically ride off into the sunset together.

***

As for creating attraction in your own life, remember this formula:

Attraction = Value + Attainability + Compliance

Originally from theApproach Alumni forum.

A lot of people have been asking me about attainability lately, and I get the sense that maybe people don’t have quite a good handle on it. I’ll try to clear it up a bit since it is probably the least understood / codified concept in the community but at the same time the most powerful.

The lack of proper attainability game accounts for so many guys not closing the deal it makes my head spin.

Firstly, attainability is NOT “Let the girl know she can get you.”

It has a very specific set of definitions which I’ll get to in a moment.

First, let me tell you where my research on attainability comes from:

1. It comes from my 3+ year development of Natural game in which a basic assumption is that you assume more emotional strength / stability than the girl. What flows from this is the fact that you MUST reassure her in some way as opposed to making her insecure which always has potential to introduce enough doubt to start the ARM (auto-reject) mechanism cycle. The ARM cycle of course will prevent the girl from seeing your value, and cause her to treat you as if you have none.

2. Long talks with a seasoned bisexual female PUA friend of mine, who has fucked more girls than both Sebastian and I put together, I think she got started in middle school or something silly. She claims to have never failed in converting a seemingly “straight” woman (married, boyfriend, no matter) once she decided she wanted her. She basically broke down her method to me (well it wasn’t really a “method” per se until I codified it and called it “attainability”) It now is the basis of our Attainability component in the VAC system and revolves around the concept of building friendship. Asking my bisexual friend how she fucked all these girls, in one sentence she could answer “I just became their friend”.

3. Crystalization of “High Value Attainability” which came to me in a sensory deprivation tank experience (one of the inner-game / goal reaching things I do, which produces clarity you’ve never experienced - they say 90% of your brainpower is used up processing the input of your five senses - remove the input and you get that 90% back…) I jumped out of the tank and took notes frantically for later review.

VALUE:
So basically, we understand the V component, which is to demonstrate higher value - and in Natural Game we do it by passive demonstration, not active demonstration.

Active demonstration a la Mystery Method flows like “I have to increase my value now, let me tell X story”

Passive demonstration a la Woodhaven Natural Game flows like “Which reminds me of X story. (Whoah she’s gonna LOVE this one!)”

The problem with active demonstration, even though they both involve story X, is that the story is delivered from a need to increase value, which can be sensed by 95% of women, especially attractive ones who are used to that type of thing and see it 20 times a day.

Passive demonstration works fine, and combined with proper focus (Charge the venue, proactively socialize etc…) produces value in spades.

COMPLIANCE:

Compliance is necessary since people need to work for every other thing that is valuable in their lives. Ever had the feeling like “That’s too good to be true” or “That’s such a good deal, it’s gotta be a sham” That is the feeling that comes from the perceived lack of putting work in for something. Compliance lends CREDIBILITY to your value.

Make them work.

ATTAINABILITY:

Attainability is defined three ways. Doing any one of these three will produce proper attainability and allow you to capitalize fully on the value you have built. If you refuse to build attainability you will need to create approximately 10X the value to get the same effect.

1. Respect as a friend.

Does the girl feel like she could be friends with you, regardless if you’re having sex or not? Do you have commonalities, common interests and observations? Can you vibe and make each other laugh?

Use respect as a friend to kill the player vibe, and show her you are willing to stick around after you sex her, or even if you don’t sex her. Ultimatums are for losers. Ironically, respect as a friend will increase the chances of her sleeping with you.

Most hot girls with things going for them screen out players. Guys who say girls love players are sleeping with ugly girls, regardless of what they tell you

2. A girl like me can get a guy like him.

Are you capable of sustaining friendships and relationships with girls of similar characteristics? Demonstrate closeness with other girls. Do your social proof to get this one. If you can’t do real social proof, use implied social proof.

Example - implied social proof:

Her: “What did you do today?”

You: “Oh, it’s a long story. Ok ok.. I have this friend named Jen. And she slept with this guy I know. And the fucking idiot goes around and tells everyone he slept with her…

The girl finds out and shes just devastated, so shes all upset. She calls me up and she wanted me to find out why he opened his big mouth about it.

So i told her she could come over - I was just basically staying home practicing guitar, so she came over and watched… and we talked…

It’s really too bad though, cause she’s such a sweet girl - and she just wanted to know why some guys are like that.

And in the end I really didn’t have a good answer for her. What would you tell her?”

3. Conditional Availability.

This one goes hand in hand with compliance. Let a girl know she can get you by working or meeting some condition. Show that you like something very specific about her that is also non-physical. This is where screening and qualification comes in. You use it to set up challenges.

Here are some quick examples:

-Most of my friends are X. What’s the most X thing you’ve ever done?

-I have such a soft spot for girls who are X. Do you consider yourself X?

-Vulnerability: “Most of the girls I’ve had relationships with haven’t been all that
attractive. People ask me ‘What are you doing seeing that girl? You can do
better’. It’s because they’re generally really fun people who were really nice
to me, really giving. They also took an interest in the things I am passionate
about.”

-”You know most people I meet are hard to connect with, but I feel there’s something about you that’s very genuine.”

-”You have a very down to earth sense of humor. It’s easy to be with you.”

-”You know I meet so many girls who play games. But you don’t have time for that bullshit. You’re so real and genuine… I like that.”

VAC MANIPULATION:

The beauty of the VAC system is it’s nonlinearity. You can fix or improve your situation at any point in your interaction, depending on where your V, A, C values are at. The only other factor you should be aware of is precedence, and for now just realize that the more times you have hurt precedence (she made decisions against your favor, she acted on decsions against your favor, she “socially announced” decisions against your favor) the longer time it will take to reverse it.

If you have V and A, get C.

If you have A and C, get V.

Or in my following example if you have V and C, get massive A:

VAC Manipulation LR:

I was a Boston Nightclub in the fall time on workshop. I was doing a demo on an HB9.2 - (there’s a link to the pic at the bottom of the post if you want an idea of how I scale my ratings) Chick was in a group of about 6 girls and 4 guys.

I go in SitRel, socialize with the group etc, screen quaify, vibe..etc. My VAC at this point is relatively nice and even. (It’s better to have a well rounded VAC than huge deficiencies, as you’ll see in a moment)

Talking for 20 minutes, I decide to get back to our guys - I eject cordially and catch up the guys. About 30 minutes later I see HB talking to another guy.

I find Sebastian, and he somehow convinces me it would be fun to blow the guy out.

I go in, use standard Woodhaven AMOG tactics for Sebastian’s amusement. Normally I would just befriend the guy and slowly sap his value away, but I was in an asshole-ish mood.

Guy straight up walks away from me and the HB.

HB looks at me and exclaims “What did you say to him! Where did he go!”. Ooops.. She was actually being set up with that guy through a common friend.

I have value (walked right up and killed some guy’s game) , I have compliance (she was forced to accept the consequences of my actions), but I have a major attainability problem. A friend would never do something like that.

I grab her number using one of my dirty tricks, and go back to the workshop. (Even though I got the number, it was pretty much bad)

I use an open loop text message. (These ALWAYS work) - no response from HB.

I call her and leave a few messages - no response.

A few weeks later I text her “Simon from american Idol. What’s his last name?” (A common VAC text message / VM that I use)

She texts me back and tells me to leave her alone. She then calls and starts yelling at me.

Convo like this:

HB: “Why are you calling me?”
Me: “Uhh why not, you were the one who gave me your number?”
HB: “You’re not supposed to have my number. You tricked me into giving it to you.”
Me: “Are you THAT gullible that people can trick you into giving your number away?”
HB: “And what did you say to that guy - you made him leave!”
Me: “Don’t blame me if a guy isn’t interested in you, sweetie. It’s not my problem.”
HB: “Don’t EVER call me again.” -click-

Realize NO guys ever talk to this girl like that. They don’t stand up for themselves and they don’t call her on her shit.

Me = Asshole: Value and Compliance = high, Attainability = low

A few weeks go by, and I decide to call her, and fix my attainability as an experiment.

Christmas eve, I call back, surprisingly she answers:

Me: “Hi sweetie, I know I upset you before, but with you know, christmas is coming and everything and I just think we should put the past behind us, and I want you to know there’s no hard feelings.” (Major high value attainability)

HB: “Yeah you know with the holidays right around the corner theres no reason we should be like that, we could maybe start talking and stuff.”

With a line that takes 10 seconds to say, I have built proper attainability and reconstructed my entire VAC with this girl.

Why did this work?

You have to realize that people only emotionally react to those who have higher value than them. HVA presupposes an emotional effect (I know I upset you before).

I then framed it as if we were old friends burying the hatchet and making up. This solves Attainability definition #1 - respect as a friend.

She started calling me on a regular basis, I arranged a meet, handled logistics and full closed her.

We are now still together, and within 3 weeks of the full close she’s in love and tells me so.

Vin

1. If you actually have a valuable characteristic about you, it will be obvious to someone from interacting with you.

2. You can cultivate the appearance of valuable and attractive traits. Doing this will make you seem like you have that trait - and over time, you’ll grow into the role. Even if you’re not confident, if you act confident, you will slowly become confident.

3. You can actively demonstrate traits about yourself. You can tell a joke to show you’re funny, make an approach to show you’re confident, tease a girl to show you’re not scared of her, and so on.

Which of the these three ways of expressing value is the most effective way to pickup? This has been a subject of great debate for some time. Here’s what people have decided:

1. “Actually being confident” and “actually being funny” are the easiest ways to appear confident and funny with no effort on your part in the short term. BUT, if you’re not confident, or funny, or a leader, or quickwitted, or charismatic, it can take the longest amount of time to become these things. It takes a while to internalize things you’ve learned and are working on.

2. Cultivating the appearance of a trait: This is faster in the long term than actually becoming it, AND it helps you become it. So, it’s easier to appear confident than to actually be confident. And appearing confident all the time will make you more confident. This still does take a while to accomplish.

3. Actively demonstrating a trait every time you need to, such as going out of your way to tell a joke to every woman you meet so she knows you’re funny: This is the most efficient route in the short term (can be done instantly) but in the long term, will add up to far more time spent. This is because it is a lot of work to constantly be demonstrating things like being confident and emotionally steadfast in a relationship to keep her around, or to demonstrate traits to every woman you try to meet. Actively demonstrating a trait is one of the first steps to cultivating the appearance of a trait.

The best pickup artists employ all three of these ways of showing/having value. They’ll start by using the third way, active demonstration, to get their feet wet and experiment with their new stuff. Over time, they’ll start changing their body language, eye contact, tonality, style, and even general speaking patterns. This will lead to the appearance of valuable traits. Over time, this results in evolution into actually having these traits. Many men start by learning funny retorts to insults and disrespectful behavior. Over time, they ideally evolve into quickwitted guys.

Of the three ways to show value, they fall into two categories: Active and Passive. And entire pickup styles revolve around them.

Active: The assumption that you need to build value with a girl and working to do it.

Passive: The assumption that you have value, and it being communicated simply by your presence.

A good pickup artist, even one with a lot of Passive Value, will still actively demonstrate a characteristic about himself when it’s useful. Master PUA’s will even demonstrate things that would be unattractive coming from a weaker man, things like vulnerability or a really strong affinity for a girl we’ve just met. We do this to keep the woman thinking we’re attainable, so she doesn’t get dejected and end the interaction to preserve her ego.

Many men in the seduction community weren’t the “cool kids” when they were growing up. In high school, college, and before and after those times, they weren’t really popular. So when one of these guys hears “Just be cool” or “Wear cool clothes and act normal”, they can’t identify with it. Guys who have some level of self-esteem built, either through luck or because they worked hard for it, will have an easier time accepting this:

Every man who wants to improve himself has some passive value.

Simply by being intelligent enough to want to improve and ambitious enough to try it, you’ve got SOME value. Maybe not ENOUGH to rely on it exclusively, but you must accept the fact that you have passive value. Don’t assume you start out at zero: It’s a bad place to work from, and will result in tryhard behavior.

Instead, realize objectively what you’ve got going for you, and try to get other things going for you. At the very, very least, anyone here has a base level of intelligence, education, self-respect, and a hunger for more, an ambition and a will to get success: All of which are attractive.

The biggest place this debate comes up is regarding teaching. Whether it’s an international business doing lectures and workshops or it’s just a guy teaching his wing, or friend, or brother, people argue about where to start.

A lot of guys rising into the “new school” of natural game think that active value building is to be frowned upon. When Vinny codified and published The Transition to Natural Game, he did not mean to shun all forms of active value - I know because I eat and drink with him, and he’s said as much himself. Both Vin and I use techniques when it’s to our benefit. But it’s cool that we can throw the rulebook out the window and do pickup strictly on passive value.

A healthy system of self-improvement is one which makes its students or disciples both more actively valuable and passive valuable. That way, you’re more attractive before you speak a single word and you can choose to dial it up by sprinkling a little of your time into an interaction.

This post by Sebastian was the precursor to the VAC Model.

A definition of attraction - and a way to consistently to get attraction from any girl - is long overdue. Perhaps the two most missunderstood parts of the community are attraction and one of the pieces of it, value.

I’ll set the record straight, and give you a gameplan for how to attract any woman in the world, as well as give specific examples of how attraction works. Since many people are familiar with it, I picked Neil Strauss’ New York Times Bestseller The Game for my examples on how attraction works - I’ll use a few excerpts from the book to explain how this all works.

Attraction is something desireable to someone, that much is obvious. But to create the kind of real, almost-tangible attraction that’ll cause a woman to sleep with you, you need two components:

The Two Components of Attraction Are Value and Deservedness.

I will explain both.

“Value” is value for her life, based on her perceptions. What is valuable is unique to every single person, but pattern of what is valuable can easily be seen. Some things are almost always seen as valuable, and some things are almost always seen as detrimental to value. But the value of any given thing to a person is different for that person than another.

What does this mean? A giant script will not appeal to every single woman. At best, a script can mass-appeal to a man’s target audience. Many sorority girls might have similar value for each other, so if you wanted that demographic, a script that’s useful on many could be devised. But for broader categories, like “college girls”, you’ll need knowledge of how value works for different people.

There are many traits that are almost universally valuable (and thus, attractive). These should be almost universally developed, so that you’re perceived as having them with minimal effort on your part. This includes confidence, charisma, leadership, intelligence, quick wit, sharp instincts, health, wealth, a strong sense of survival, purpose, adaptability, and so on. Very, very, very few women find these traits unattractive, so it’s in every man’s best interest to appear to have these.

This can be done in one of three ways.

1. Develop the trait: If you become confident, you will appear confident. If you become healthy, you will appear healthy. Et cetra.

This is the path that takes the longest to achieve out of the three, but is the easiest once you’ve achieved it.

2. Develop the appearance of the trait: “A prince need not possess princely qualities. He merely needs the appearance of princely qualities.” - Niccolo Machiavelli

Machiavelli is largely right. If you’re not confident, nor a leader, it is still in your best interest to develop the body language and walking patterns of a confident leader. This will give you the appearance of these things, the benefit of which is twofold: You’ll be perceived as having the quality (useful in your immediate interactions) and by being perceived as having it, you might actually develop the quality (”fake it ’till you make it” at work). Developing the appearance of a quality you don’t have is actually a great way to help develop that quality.

3. Demonstrate you have the quality any time the occasion arrises. This is the fastest way to show one person you have a trait about you, but the least efficient way to show the world you have a quality. A good example for this would be kino: It demonstrates you’re comfortable with yourself and comfortable around others (among other things).

If a man wants to demonstrate he’s comfortable with himself and around others, one way might be to kino. After he achieves a base proficiency in kinesthetic interaction (kino, touching other people in a normal way), he can do so consciously to appear to be comfortable with himself and around others.

Over time, his kino will become automatic. At his point he’s developed the appearance of the trait, and most people he will meet will perceive him as comfortable with himself and around others.

Finally, if he allows his belief system to develop, he’ll come to actually be comfortable with himself and around other people. At this point, no conscious technique or tactic is necessary: He has simply become a person who is comfortable with himself and around others. Because this is a universally attractive trait, he is now always a more attractive man and he knows it.

Outside of universally attractive things are things that are attractive to specific women. A gold-digger wants money and status. A 28-year old working professional may be looking for a stable husband/father type man. A 34-year old divorcee may be looking for a feeling of youth and excitement. A young girl may want maturity OR want fun and popularity. Or both.

What any given woman wants is different based on the woman. But you can make generalizations. I always ask students what type of relationships they’re looking for, and what their “type” is. Age, ethnicity, nationality, and social class are all ways that you can make an intelligent guess about what is attractive to a woman. It’s why many pick-up artists have to adjust their techniques when moving to a new location. Even in the same nation, such as the cities of Atlanta and New York City, there are some differences in what the majority of people are looking for.

That said, fine-tuning your game to your “type” is great, but a master’s proficiency in pickup will let you adjust what you’re demonstrating to the specific girl you’re with - and know exactly what to demonstrate.

Cultivating Deservedness:

Part of attraction is value. A large part. If you appear to have no value for her life, something that she’d specifically want, than it doesn’t matter how much of the second part, deservedness, you cultivate.

But it is relatively easy to appear to have value. If you have even some semblance of “a life” then you’ve got some value. If you do some basic things to improve your life (or alternatively, the appearance of having improved your life) then value won’t be your problem.

Attraction is not exclusively value. Value is a part of attraction, and necessary for it, but the second necessary component for attraction is deservedness.

Deservedness is broken into two parts: Attainability, and effort. Both require a comprehensive explanation and guidelines on how to produce these feelings in a woman.

Attainability, first, may confuse some. In all of life, people seem to strive for the unattainable. Something just a step beyond them.

But these things always seem to have some attainability to them. Think about it like this: While you may enjoy looking at a centerfold in a magazine, you are more likely to fall madly in love with the girl next door. Though a centerfold prompts a lot of physical attraction in you, you do nothing to actually GET the centerfold (well, most people…).

This comes down to an important concept called the Auto-Rejection Mechanism. In short, if someone believes they have no chance, they won’t try. It’s the reason master pick-up artists often struggle trying to pick up ugly girls: The girls have no sense of entitlement, so they don’t let themselves get attracted and get hurt.

You can see examples with people aiming for a bit more than they have, too. The people that get very attracted to wanting a yacht are people that can either afford it or come close. Rarely will you see someone that is very poor strongly desire a yacht. Since it does not have attainability in their mind, they can not be seduced by the idea.

The second part of deservedness is effort. Specifically effort the woman puts in.

This is all based on the Cost-Value Conception. In short, Cost-Value says this: You will value something that costs a lot over something that costs little, largely irrospective of their real value. If you’ve ever won a stuffed animal at an amusement park or carnival, you know what I’m talking about. While you might not even take one for free if they’re handing them out on the street as a promotion, by winning it at the carnival (putting in effort and probably more money than thing is worth) it gains a lot of value. The cost determines the value.

When a woman is forced to work for something, she will want it more. However, in the beginning, if she sees it as unattainable, she likely won’t want it. This is largely true of men, too. While a man might like and desire a beautiful woman he sees passing, or a model, he’s more likely to grow very attached to a woman he had sex with who broke up with him, or a woman who keeps saying she really likes him as a friend.

To make someone attracted to you, you simply need to have value and for them to feel deservedness. For value, you need value for their life. There are universally valuable/attractive things like confidence, charisma, health, wealth, loyalty, faith in oneself, purpose, fun, leadership, survival ability, and so on, there are also traits that are more or less valuable/attractive at different points in a woman’s life. Some of these, like wealth and fun, are universally good but are larger priorities for some women than others. Other characteristics, like danger, eccentricity, risk-taking, and so on may be very attractive to certain women, but unattractive to others. It is a sad testament that even many traits that are mostly UNattractive are attractive to certain people, such as abuse and control. These people are mentally unhealthy, and though I advise you to stay away from them, it’s worth noting that sometimes negative traits may be attractive to certain types of women at certain points in their lives.

For deservedness, make sure they feel you are attainable. This would mean not demonstrating all kinds of value to them without them knowing why: This makes you look desperate most of the time, but the worst part is that it can make many normal women feel insecure and that you’re unattainable even when you do it well! Solid screening and qualifying can increase their sense of your attainability if you know how to target your questions and responses. The “special advantage” that Vincent is always talking about making her feel like she has is another good way.

The second part of deservedness is having her put in effort. If a woman works for a man, even just a bit, she’ll be more attracted to him and want him more. Over time, you can use this to change the compliance scales between you two and make sure you keep getting compliance out of her. The result will be that she feels she’s earned you and wants to keep you. If you continue to bed a woman for long periods of time, and she isn’t helping you build your lifestyle, then you may run into problems where she isn’t putting in enough effort and doesn’t feel like she’s worked for you, and therefore deserves you. So she loses attraction.

Examples from The Game by Neil Strauss:

I choose The Game by Neil Strauss as a teaching tool for this article. It’s a cool read, and instead of using anecdotes from my own life of which I’m obviously biased, I can use a well-known good guy and objectively point out why people are or aren’t attracted to each other in the book. I’ll use some short excerpts and reference the page numbers, so y’all can read up the background at home if you have a copy.

On pages 312-317, Neil starts doing an interview of Britney Spears, a very coveted celebrity. He gets her phone number in a feat of true prowess, but is waffling on calling her.

THE GAME PAGE 317:
<<<<<<<<<<<
"Just call her," Mystery constantly prodded me. "What do you have to lose? Tell her, 'Can you not look like Britney Spears? We're going to do some crazy shit, and we can't get caught. We're going to wear wigs, climb up to the Hollywood sign, and touch it for good luck."

"If I had met her socially, fine. But this is a work assignment."

"You're playing the game at another level now. When the article is finished, it isn't an assignment anymore. So call her."

But I couldn't do it. If it had been Dalene Kurtis, the Playmate of the Year, I would have called her back in a second. I had no fear of women like that anymore. I felt worthy. I'd proven that over and over since meeting her. But Britney Spears?

One's self-esteem can only grow so much in a year and a half.
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MY COMMENTS:

You see Neil deciding against calling her because he thinks she’s unattainable. The telltale lines are, “I had no fear of women like that anymore. I felt worthy.” (shows he feels Dalene Kurtis is attainable to him) And “One’s self-esteem can only grow so much in a year and a half.” (shows he doesn’t think Britney is attainable)

Now, if Britney had wanted Neil, she could have fostered a sense of attainability about herself for him. A phone call or two, or perhaps something akin to some of the techniques we use to ground herself as an average person beneath all the celebrity. And if she had done that, Neil would have became much, much attracted to her than he was.

***

Towards the end of The Game, Neil becomes very attracted - and eventually goes completely exclusive for - a woman named Lisa. What did Lisa have that the other girls didn’t? Well, she had value for his life, being beautiful, intelligent, and with a better personality than most of the girls Neil has met. And since Neil is a top-notch Pick-Up Artist, he feels all women are attainable: He’s unlikely to feel an Auto-Rejection Mechanism except on the most elite of celebrities.

But what about work? At this point in the book, Neil is used to getting huge amounts of compliance from the women in his life. He runs his game for a while and they like it. He phase-shifts and kisses them. They begin to fall ga-ga for them, and if necessary, he uses his techniques to blast LMR and bed them. When and how he pleases.

THE GAME PAGE 365
<<<<<<<<<<
I held her eye contact and moved toward her for the kiss, holding the camera in front of us to capture it.

"I'm not kissing you," she barked.

The words scalded my face like hot coffee. There was no girl I couldn't kiss within a half hour of meeting her. What was her problem?

I froze her out and tried again. Nothing.

It is in these moments that, as a PUA, you start to question the work you've done on yourself. You begin to worry that maybe she sees the real you, the one who existed before the silly nickname, the one who wrote poems about this exact situation in high school.

I delivered a moving, impassioned performance of the evolution phase-shift routine. Somewhere in the distance, I heard a thousand PUAs applauding.

"I'm not biting you," she said.

I wasn't through. I told her the most beautiful love story ever written: "On Seeing the 100 Percent Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning" by Haruki Murakami. It is about a man and a woman who are soul mates. But when they doubt their connection for a moment and decide not to act on it, they lose each other forever.

She was ice cold.

I tried a hardcore freeze-out: I blew out the candles, turned off the music, turned on the lights, and checked my email.

She climbed into my bed, curled up under the covers, and went to sleep.

I finally I joined her, and we slept on opposite ends of the bed.
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MY COMMENTS:

There is no doubt at this point in the book that Lisa will end up with Style if she wants him. She has value for his life, he feels she is attainable to him, but he will be made to work for it. If he “catches” her in the end, he will be astronomically more attracted to him than if she had bedded him that evening.

The old addage that a woman must make her man wait to have her for him to respect her isn’t necessarily true. But it is one of the simplest and easiest ways of making a man work to get her and become more attracted.

The only way, the absolutely only way Lisa could lose Neil at this point in the novel is for his sense of attainability to fall off. This would be a difficult proposition, but because Style is a man of some character and self-esteem, he won’t hang around forever if she makes it clear she won’t be his. The value is there. He’s worked for her. Now, if she keeps herself appearing attainable, she can have him when she likes him.

THE GAME PAGE 368:
<<<<<<<<<<
So we [Neil and Lisa] spent another platonic night together. It was driving me crazy. I knew she liked me. But she wouldn't get intimate. I was teetering on the border of being LJBF'ed.

Maybe I just wasn't her type. I imagined her with tattooed, muscle-bound, leather-jacketed Danzig types, not a scrawny metrosexual guy who had to take pickup workshops. She was killing me.

For the first time since I'd learned the word one-itis, I knew that I was doomed. No one ever gets his one-itis. He gets too clingy and needy and blows it. And, sure enough, I blew it.
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MY COMMENTS:

At this point, Neil is questing whether she’s attainable or not. And then when she blows him off later, leaving him at the airport with a limo, liquor, and a fancy date planned, his sense of her attainability is near-gone. He continues to pursue her, but details on page 372 that he leaves a message for her and she doesn’t call back.

Neil does his thing, and goes on a little tear of his own, sleeping with a bunch of different women. He thinks of Lisa from time to time, but you can even see what happens in the pacing of the book: There’s barely a mention of her for the next 24 pages as he talks about sleeping with other women and all the ProHo drama. Though no one can be sure, pick-up artists would like to think Neil didn’t spend all his time pining over Lisa in the days that passed until he ran into her again. Though this will happen occasionally with women, most of the time high self-esteem men won’t think constantly over a one-itis once the sense of attainability is gone. At the very least, they’re unlikely to take rational action unless the woman first makes a move of her own.

Which Lisa does, incidentally. If you’ve read the book, you know what happens. She shows up in her convertible, and Neil is ecstatic. She expresses interest in him on page 396 and his sense of her attainability is back.

THE GAME PAGE 410:
<<<<<<<<<<
[Strauss:] "So what made you drive up the hill the other day to see me again?"

[Lisa:] "while you were gone, I realized how much I missed you." I loved watching her lips part over her front teeth when she talked. It made me think of salmon on rice. "My friends were making fun of me because I was counting down the days until you came home. I actually went grocery shopping while you were gone so I could cook you food. I don't know why." She hesitated and smiled, as if she were offering information she'd never planned to divulge. "I bought a fresh piece of swordfish and had to throw it away because it went bad."

A warm flush of confidence filled my chest. So I still had a chance with this girl.
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MY COMMENTS:
Neil, again, sees Lisa as attainable and you can actually see him immediately feel attraction! She says she misses him, and then he thinks about how much he loves watching her lips part over her front teeth. He analogizes it to salmon on rice.

This is going to lead to more effective seduction on her part: She likes him, and with all the work she’s made him put in, she has a definite shot at exclusivity with a top-notch pickup artist if she wants it. Her own “game” is definitely top of the line.

The rest of pages 410 and 411 are provide even better examples. Why did Lisa act the way she did and lose attraction for Neil? She, herself, wasn’t sure about his attainability. She was thankfully sure enough to reengage him, but there was a little mixup that caused her Auto-Rejection Mechanism to set in - and tell a guy that she liked that he had no chance.

She’s not rejecting Neil, she’s rejecting HERSELF! This is what happens when the sense of attainability is removed.

THE GAME PAGE 410
<<<<<<<<<<
"But it's too late," she said. "The window was open with me, and you blew it."

David DeAngelo would have said to go cocky funny here. Ross Jeffries would have said not to buy into her frame. Mystery would have said to punish her. But I had to ask: "How did I blow it?"

"First off, you didn't call me when you came home from Miami. I had to go to you."

"Hold on. I thought you were blowing me off. You never even called while I was away."

"Well, your voice mail said you were out of town and you weren't receiving calls, so I didn't leave a message."

"Yeah, but I would have returned your call. I wanted to hear from you."

"Then you came to Whiskey Bar and hardly talked. And the last straw was when we went to your house to go surfing. I told Sam I was starting to like you again and she said, 'Get over it. When I went up to his room to use the bathroom, I found a used condom on the floor.'"

My brain leaped up and slapped itself. I had been careless: I'd forgotten to throw away the condom I'd used with Isabel. So that's what Sam and she were whispering about in the car on the way to Malibu.

"So then why did you agree to go out with me tonight?"

"You asked me out on a proper date. And you were a little nervous, so I figured you must really be into me."

I propped myself up on the pillows. I was about to say the most AFC thing of my life. "Let me tell you something. The pickup artists have a word they call one-itis. It's a disease that people get when they become obsessed with just one girl. And they never end up with this girl because they get too nervous around her and scare her away."

"So?" she asked.

"So," I said. "You're my one-itis."

We were looking each other in the eyes now. I could see hers sparkle. I knew mine were sparkling. It was time to kiss her.

There were no lines, no routines, no evolution phase-shift--I'd tried them all unsuccessfully anyway. I leaned in. She leaned in. Her eyes closed. My eyes closed. Our lips met. It was just like I'd always thought a kiss was supposed to begin.

For hours, we lay there making out and dissecting the connections and misunderstandings of the past few weeks.
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MY COMMENTS:

You can see her ARM (Auto-Rejection Mechanism) in motion. “I told Sam I was starting to like you again and she said, ‘Get over it. When I went up to his room to use the bathroom, I found a used condom on the floor.’”

“I told Sam I was starting to like you again” is a classic example of attraction rebuilding. Neil invites Lisa surfing, so Lisa thinks Neil is attainable. Attraction grows. But then Sam tells Lisa about the condom on the floor. Attainability fades. Attraction fades.

BUT, Neil Strauss is a man of exceptional character, and shows why he’s been crowned one of the best pick-up artists of this era. Though he’s not exactly sure why, he knows intuitively that David DeAngelo’s advice is based on making her work for him, which isn’t the answer. Ross and Mystery are suggesting to do things that demonstrate traits of independence and choice, which also isn’t necessary.

So Neil opens up and shows Lisa he’s attainable. He goes as far as to tell her that he’s obsessed with her: And it works. The value for her life was there (Neil’s a great guy with a good career and lots of interesting stuff going on). She’s had to work for him, charming and seducing him. When he shows her that he’s attainable to her, she falls for him.

Deciding to be faithful now, Strauss sets about dumping his other girlfriends.

THE GAME PAGE 411:
<<<<<<<<<<
"So you're choosing her over me?" Isabel asked angrily.

"It's not an intellectual choice."

"Is she better in bed or something?"

"I don't know. We've only kissed."

"So you made out with some girl," she said, with a weak attempt at a cruel laugh, "and you want to get rid of me now."

"It's not that I want to get rid of you. I'd still like to see you, but as a friend." I could hear the word pierce her heart like a dagger, as it had my own heart so many times before I'd joined the community.

"But I love you."

How could she love me? She needed to go fuck a dozen other guys to get over her one-itis.

"I'm sorry," I said. And I was.

There is a downside to casual sex: Sometimes it stops being casual. People develop a desire for something more. And when one person's expectations don't match the other person's, then whoever holds the highest expectations suffers. There is no such thing as cheap sex. It always comes with a price.
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MY COMMENTS:

Neil, in a way, touches on value and working for someone here. Neil has more value for Isabel’s life than Isabel has for Neil’s life. And Isabel has worked harder for him (been more compliant for lower rewards, as per Vincent DiCarlo’s Value/Compliance model) than he has for her. The two combined together means she feels she deserves him and is attracted to him - so of course it hurts. Many men that read this will understand how Isabel felt.

While it’s not nearly as common for women to feel this pain as men, it does happen. She was attracted to him: Neil had value for Isabel’s life, and she felt she deserved him (he was attainable because she had already been bedding him, she worked to get him by accepting terms she didn’t like such as non-exclusivity).

Or I could be completely, totally off-base with my comments, and other stuff was going on.

Though I won’t ruin the specifics, I’ll let you know there is a happily-ever-after to this book, and Neil and Lisa do metaphorically ride off into the sunset together.

As for creating attraction in your own life, remember this formula:

Attraction = Value + Deservedness

Value is the value for her life. Cultivate the appearance of all universally attractive traits, and selectively demonstrate specific traits to specific women.

Deservedness is comprised of two elements. The first is attainability: If a woman thinks you are unattainable, her Auto-Rejection Mechanism will kick in. She’ll blow you off so she doesn’t feel hurt, and then backwards-rationalize it, halting attraction from growing and sometimes killing it all off. So you must let feel that you are potentially attainable. Conscious tactics for this include screening, qualifying, and making her feel like she has a special advantage. It can also be accomplished with looks and certain body language and tonality.

The second part of deservedness is the woman working to earn you, the cost/value conception. When someone works hard for something, they feel like it should be belong to them and it’s to be prized. She’ll feel like she deserves to be with you and she’ll be attracted to you because of it.

Use these teachings wisely, friend. I documented some examples and you can see how negative emotions ran through some good people because of some missteps in attracting each other. These techniques can be a bit powerful and can mess with a woman’s head, so do make sure to, as Neil puts it, not violate Ross Jeffries’ only ethical rule of seduction: Leave her better than you found her.

This post can be found including very illustrative graphs here:

The Compliance and Value Model

Value is of utmost importance in your interactions with women. It determines how willing a woman is to meet up with you, it determines a woman’s level of physical attraction for you, and ultimately, value determines how far a woman will go just to be in your life. Naturally, I get many questions from people asking me how they can increase their value:

“Do I raise my value through DHV storytelling, do I lower her value through negs and indifference or do I use push / pull or what?”

Firstly you must realize that value is almost entirely based on perception. That’s right. The only value that actually exists is inside the minds of the people around you. Sure there are things that society says is valuable, like how much money you make or what kind of car you drive, and based on society’s perception, some level of value can be assigned to people. But it is still just perception.

What I am going to present to you today is a fundamental model of value. What I mean is, this model determines the effect that other value-shifting techniques will have when they are used. Value shifters like stories containing DHV spikes and negs as well as social value cues like cocky humor and peacocking are all subject to this fundamental concept.

This means that all of the abovementioned techniques will work perfectly when you have this fundamental concept down, and will fall absolutely flat if you do not.

How compliance relates to value

The term compliance is used to measure the willingness a girl has to do something with you or for you. In short, getting a girl to talk to you when you approach her requires some level of compliance. Getting a girl to buy you drink requires a little bit more compliance, and of course getting a girl to the point where she is open to having sex with you requires even more.

Compliance is directly proportional to value. The higher your perceived value, the more compliance you will naturally get from a woman. The higher you perceive a woman’s value, the more compliant you will be to her, automatically.

Let me illustrate the fundamental nature compliance has with relation to value. If you tell a story about something off-the-wall that happened when you were chillin’ at the Playboy Mansion, it can quite potentially be a demonstration of higher value. Let’s say you use this Playboy Mansion DHV, but then she tests you by asking you to hold her drink while she dances, and you oblige. Your entire story is now negated. Since compliance is more fundamental than a story, she is perceiving your value based on the former.

If instead of holding her drink, you instead explain that you might meet up with her later, then you would have been congruent and retained the value from the story. In fact, you could have been having a conversation with her about the mating patterns of the blue-jay in New England, and you would still have higher value. The Value-Compliance relationship is fundamental.

Here is where it gets interesting. The compliance scales are different for men and women. Typically, men seek compliance based in replication value. That is, they are out to get a woman’s sexual value. They want to be close to a woman, touch her, kiss her and have sex with her. Women on the other hand, seek compliance based in survival value. Traditionally, women have urges toward getting protection, shared living space, and financial support from men.

In fact, if you look at the nearly extinct paradigm of dating and marriage, and make two bars representing a man and a woman’s compliance scales, the relationship becomes very clear. (Fig. 1a)

Attract Women | Seduction Workshops : theApproach Seduction & Pick Up

Here I have made two bars, each representing a man and woman’s relative values. The height of the bar represents their perceived value. (The man and woman have equal value in this diagram) The tick marks along the side represent the levels of compliance that are available for each person. In this diagram, the man has potential to get sex from the woman, and the woman has potential to get marriage from the man.

I know some of you are laughing as you realize that most women don’t wait until marriage to have sex. That’s fine. This model is just an illustration of the compliance scales of men and women that everyone can relate to. We’ll get into some common scenarios and practical application a little later.

Actually, this diagram is rather generous. In our society, the issue is further confused by the idea that a man must ‘win over’ a woman with a diamond ring in order to marry her - A frame of mind like that leaves a man with such little perceived value!

Keep in mind, the actual compliance levels are quite arbitrary. I have labeled them for illustration, but in general just remember that a woman seeks compliance related to her immediate survival and the immediate survival of her family, while a man seeks compliance related to genetic survival and accessing a healthy, beautiful woman’s genes through sex. So we will see women chasing things like emotional strength, leadership and wealth, and we will see men chasing things like pretty faces and hot bodies.

Evolution has created this situation for us.

Mutual Compliance Escalation

When a man and a woman meet, and become involved with each other, they take turns being compliant to each other.

A man approaches a woman, she in turn gives him attention and talks to him. He asks her a few questions to screen her, she then complies and answers. He complies by qualifying her with a nice compliment. He asks her to go window shopping with him and she agrees, etc.

On and on you go until you have reached full compliance from the woman. Unfortunately most men never even achieve full compliance from a woman, yet surrender their own full compliance all the time. It is a common mistake to believe that the more compliance you give, the more you will get from a woman and the more she will be attracted to you.

So, a man and a woman go back and forth escalating compliance in a mutual way from one rung of the ladder to the next. You can see it illustrated in Fig 1b:

Attract Women | Seduction Workshops : theApproach Seduction & Pick Up

Keep in mind this is not to be confused with Mutual Value Escalation, which instead means raising the levels of both of your value bars relative to the people around you via leadership, future adventure projections, teamwork / role playing frames and dominance over others.

In order to move to the next level of compliance, two things are necessary. Firstly, you need perceived value of at least the same level or higher than the girl. Your value creates attraction and a willingness to comply. The second thing you need is comfort and trust. After all, women don’t go around sleeping with every guy that has higher value than them.

The purpose of comfort and trust is so the girl feels safe knowing that the compliance escalation will continue after her current action. Both of these are needed in proportion to the level of the request you are making. Being compliant to her requests is one way of developing comfort and trust, but it is recommended to only comply with small requests that you don’t mind fulfilling. Hold off on complying to the large requests at first, since it has potential to be quite detrimental to your value. Take your time with the escalation and be sure to go through the full process of screening and qualification (both false and genuine).

Attraction is the result of withheld compliance. Whatever compliance a girl feels she deserves but doesn’t yet have, produces attraction to you, the source of value. Screening and qualification is what makes her feel as though your compliance is worth pursuing. The best way to engage a girl, therefore is to demonstrate high value and produce relevant qualification.

A couple other things are worth mention. Asking a person to do something, and having them reject you puts your value into flux. (We’ll talk about value flux a little later, when we discuss application) When a person declines your compliance request, it is not necessarily because they perceive your value as being low it it usually just because they aren’t sure what your value is yet. Look at a rejection as an opportunity.

When your request is rejected, your value is in flux, and it is an opportunity for you to define it with your subsequent actions.

For instance, if you go to kiss a girl, and she rejects you, it’s not necessarily because she perceives your value as being low. It is simply because she’s not sure. If you go and try to kiss her again, right away, you may lose some points with her. If you get angry or upset, or otherwise deflated or thrown off your game, you will certainly lose value. If, on the other hand you are cool and nonchalant about it, or you humorously tease her and joke about it, your perceived value will increase. At that point, you can safely try again at a later time and your chances of getting the kiss will have improved.

Orbiters and Let’s Just Be Friends (LJBF)

Let’s look at the special case where the man has lower perceived value than the woman. (Fig. 2a)

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Notice that sex is completely out of reach.

No matter what a man does, he cannot get a woman of much higher value to comply to having sex with him. As a result, a woman will usually tell him “Let’s just be friends.” He becomes one of her many ‘orbiters’ and continues to fight a battle leading nowhere. In fact, there is both an instinctual and societal motivation for women to lure the men in their lives into this type of role. After all, evolutionarily, this meant more men to help raise the children she was having with the alpha male.

Realize however, that depending on how high the value is, the orbiter will be able to get some kind of compliance from the woman, even if it isn’t full-on sex. In Fig. 2a, you can see that this fellow can get a kiss from her every now and then. How sweet.

Also, it doesn’t mean he has to marry her to get a kiss. It is sufficient that she already knows she could get married to the guy, if she were so inclined. That is why the concept of the ‘no-challenge’ switch is so important. The woman has these men at her disposal for whatever survival value she wishes to take from them: Companionship, dates, spending money, backup for her real boyfriend, everything is fair game.

Players and Fuck-Buddy (FB) Relationships

Just as common as women who collect orbiters, there are guys who sleep around with many different women, no strings attached. Let’s examine Fig. 2b.

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Notice that marriage is completely out of reach.

There is nothing this woman can do to get this guy to marry her. In fact, in this this guy probably isn’t going to be exclusive with her. Basically, all this guy has to do is show up, talk to her and give her some good emotions, and she will have sex with him. Hence the term “Fuck-Buddy”. She does however have a chance at getting dinner every once in a while, so we can call this example an “upgraded” FB relationship.

Unlike women, who have both instinctual and societal motivations to lower the perceived value of their mates, for men it is merely instinctual. Societal programming tends to motivate men into beta-provider type roles. Look around and you’ll see evidence everywhere. Deep down, our genes are telling us otherwise.

Most men, whether they admit to it or not, would love to have a few different sex partners that they aren’t committed to. After all, what kind of man doesn’t like sexual variety? From an evolutionary standpoint, these are the women that will bear his children, as he proliferates his genes.

The interesting thing is, looking at Fig. 2b, we realize that this is still a traditional mindset. The escalation of compliance levels still leads to marriage. Players in this society still usually get married if they find the “right” woman. They are searching for that one woman who has high enough value or good enough game to get them to make a commitment.

Once a man has a few girls who cater to his every need, it becomes less exciting. There’s no more challenge and nothing left to chase. What both sexes want ultimately, is high levels of compliance from high value people.

In addition, the fact that sex is so high on a woman’s scale of compliance is both an outdated traditional model and unacceptable for our purposes.

In fact, I will go so far to say that the true fundamental goal of a real pickup artist is to lower the effective compliance of sex, and move it lower on the scale.

Tools and Application

Reverse Supplication Levels

What many guys realize as they become better with women, is that sex isn’t necessarily at the very top of a woman’s compliance scale.

We’ve all seen women who do everything for their men. They buy them gifts, cook them dinner and clean their apartments. There are women who would practically die for their men.

We also know about pimps who have their hoes out on the streetcorner, every night making money for them. These women are selling their bodies to strangers to earn money so that their men are taken care of.

Talk about a high level of compliance!

At first, it may seem completely unreal to ever have women that compliant to you. After all, there are many guys who cannot even get their girlfriends to call have sex with them!

It turns out to be quite easy, actually, and is based on a few simple dynamics. There are all kinds of levels of compliance that reside beyond sex, leading up to full compliance which is defined as willingness to either die for a man or commit her life to his cause. Prostitution fits this basic definition close enough.

The levels that reside beyond sex leading all the way up to prostitution are called the reverse supplication levels. I have defined reverse supplication as a man receiving survivial-type compliance from a woman. Inserting the reverse supplication levels into a woman’s compliance scale gives us Fig. 3a.

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As you can see I have filled in some examples into the reverse supplication levels. Dinner, clothing, a new car, all the way leading up to prostitution. Playing at that level is pimp game and I’m not interested in that right now. Between sex and prostitution is a very real region, of which holds many interesting possibilities.

Just the simple acknowledgment of these levels lowers the effective compliance of sex. Bringing these levels into existence by reaching for them will make sex come that much easier. Value is only perception, and if you are overshooting the goal of sex by making larger requests, you can be perceived as having extremely high value.

In other words, if all you want is sex, the best way to get it, is to simply set your sights BEYOND it.

* Ask a girl to write you a poem or draw you a picture
* Ask her what kind of girls she likes before you’ve even slept with her
* Assume you’re going to sleep with other girls in her social circle before you’ve even slept with her
* Find out if she has any connections to club owners and tell her you’d like VIP access

Keep in mind, you aren’t taking value from others, you are merely increasing your own perceived value, such that everything you give is appreciated to a higher degree. It will make everything you do that much more powerful. People will be more likely to listen to you, more likely to laugh at your jokes and more likely to try to get rapport with you.

I won’t go too far into this here, but the basic formula for escalating compliance is to take it one small step at a time. We aren’t talking a few dates, this stuff can take months. Compliance is pliable. When you have a woman at breaking point and push her threshold, her maximum level of compliance increases.

Another key is making it fun and worthwhile for a woman to do these things. Make your requests that are related to your identity. If you are a chef, have her pick up some groceries so you can prepare a romantic dinner. If you are an artist, have her pick up a new set of brushes, and let her watch you create a masterpiece. Build a lifestyle in which the two of you can share.

Though this article is only a small portion of my entire reverse supplication method, it is still powerful enough to warrant two points of caution. Firstly, do not use this method for abuse. Women do these things because they love us and care for us. Don’t run this on a poor college girl, and don’t run it on a woman you aren’t willing to be straight with. Use it carefully to develop your lifestyle and enhance the experiences that you share together. Secondly, don’t ever become so dependent that you lose responsibility for yourself. If it ever gets to the point that you cannot maintain your finances or keep your apartment clean all by yourself, you’ll be in trouble. Trust me on this one.

Set High Expectations

When it comes to value, nothing beats having high expectations of other people and putting a price on yourself.

So many guys are willing to sacrifice their own best interests in order to make a girl happy, or to get together with her. Don’t go driving two hours out of the way just to see her, don’t ditch your buddies to hang out with her, and don’t volunteer to buy her dinner if you’ve just met her.

In addition, you should expect women to respect you and treat you well. If you compliment a woman, expect her to respond positively to it. Many guys fail with compliments because they don’t hold her to high expectations and instead continue to be nice to her after she has disrespected them by ignoring the compliment.

Make a woman commit to giving you full attention when you are communicating with her, whether it be in person, on the phone or even in a chat room. Also be willing to walk away if she doesn’t meet your standards. There are plenty of women that will. Most of the time a willingness to walk will only hel