Hi gents -

The following was written in by one of the newest instructors at
theApproach, Alex. Alex is a distinguished gentleman hallmarked by
his great insights in the game, relaxed and fluid style, excellent
image and lifestyle sense, and a really strong set of ethics about
helping others to succeed. After training with all the high-level
instructors at theApproach, Alex has become a full instructor of
theApproach. He writes in with his experience using VAC to help
guide a loved one to a good decision.

Enjoy.

***

Value +
Attainability +
Compliance
=
Attraction

Thus VAC=Attraction

VAC: Not just to lay girls, but to help people succeed too…

I realized that VAC is not just for pickup and attraction, but
for all relationships and human interactions. But never did I
think I would use VAC to secure an internship for my sister.
Crazy, I know, but let me explain.

My sister went to a small liberal arts school, very local, and NOT
known for sending students to great internships, or even to great
schools for graduate school. My sister knew she needed an
internship that summer but was procrastinating in starting the
process.

As the deadlines were fast approaching for the applications, I
called my sister and she told me she had yet to start. I inquired
why and I got a slew of reasons: “Do they even take people from
Shepherd? I got a B in my class last semester. My GPA is only
3.4….” As I was hearing these comments, I was unsure of how to
help my sister through this.

Then it became obvious. There was an attraction problem. My
sister was not attracted to doing this internship. Her comments,
“Do they even take people from Shepherd College? I got a B in my
class last semester, etc…” These comments were all ATTAINABILITY
problems. She did not believe “Can a girl like me get an
internship like this?”. The first thing I did was reassure her
that people from shepherd had gotten these types of internships
before. Then I told her that people with lower GPA’s also got
internships. I even showed her how one of the programs were
specifically looking for dual majors in chemistry and mathematics.
The effect was this: “A girl like me CAN get an internship like
this.” At the end of the call, I made her repeat three times “A
girl like me CAN get an internship like this”. I made her say this
every time I called her about it.

I talked with her and used some forward future projection, painting
a picture of the opportunities she would have with this internship.
Meeting new people JUST like her, working on important problems
for the government, and the chance to implement her ideas and
skills, even do some killer shopping while in DC for the summer.
This effectively raised the VALUE of the internship to her. I
thought everything was good to go as VALUE and ATTAINABILITY were
both HIGH.

I called a couple days later ahead of the upcoming deadline in two
weeks. I asked her about her progress and she indicated that she
had yet to start the application.

What the hell? I thought this was handled.

I asked her a couple questions about it and figured out that VALUE
was HIGH, ATTAINABILITY was HIGH but there was NO COMPLIANCE. For
her to start the entire application was too much work. I needed to
break it down into something small and get her working on it.

I verbally agreed with her that the applications were a lot of work
and told her to just hand the professors the recommendation forms.
If she did nothing else, I would still love her and respect her,
but at least she would have the forms if she wanted to proceed.
This is very low compliance task, all she has to do is turn over
the recommendation forms and the professor fills them out and gives
them back. It’s a little compliance on her part and very easy to do.

I called a couple days later with only one week to the deadline. I
asked her what’s up and she said she had almost finished the
application. She told me that a couple days ago her professor had
turned over the recommendation forms and they looked really nice.
When she read them, she felt compelled to finish the application.
I smiled as I realized that once she completed the low compliance
task of turning over the recommendation forms, she was now invested
in the application process.

When the professors gave her the glowing recommendation forms, it
had the effect of rewarding her good compliance. The rewarded
compliance compelled to finish the applications and turn them on
time.

I learned a valuable lesson that attraction is more than just
pickup and seduction. Attraction is what allows us to focus on
what we want and acquire what is we desire. In this case, when
you’re mentoring someone or helping to guide them along in their
development, sometimes you have to know how to get them attracted.
VAC can do this for you. My sister was able to see the VALUE and
have ATTAINABILITY but she still did not fill out the applications.
It wasn’t till I got a basic level of COMPLIANCE from her till she
was truly invested in completing her applications.

Alex
–
theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman

Alex lives, works, and now sometimes trains in Washington, D.C. His
background is in the physical sciences, but he enjoys a deep love
of human interaction, socializing, art, aesthetics, and sex.

We’re honored to have him as part of theApproach Team!

Hey gents -

I was cleaning out my hard drive today, going through old docs.
Here’s a piece that was part of a roughed up introduction to a
piece I was writing on Mutual Value Escalation. For those of you
who haven’t heard, it used to be something I was stressing all the
time: In an interaction, winning more via the people you’re
interacting with winning. To put it this way - If you start at a
value of “6″ and she starts at “7″, you’ve got issues, no? Some men
would suggest you knock her down to grab some status. Maybe a +1
you, -1 her. So you go to 7, and she goes to 6, and then you have a
shot. The problem is - she’s now “damaged goods” - you’ve now got a
girl whose not living up to her potential, somewhat insecure, that
might lash back at you. Sure, it’s better than what most guys do -
“Can I buy you a drink?” Which is -1 guy, +1 girl. So the guy goes
down to a 5 and the girl takes a bitchy 8 stance. Now, of course
putting a number to your social status is pretty arbitrary and
ridiculous - but the idea stands.

Here’s the excerpt from the old, uncompleted work:

***

During any social interaction, one of five things is happening:

-You’re winning, they’re losing. (”taking”, being a “taker”)
-You’re losing, they’re winning. (”giving”, being a “giver”)
-You’re both winning. (”escalating”, being a “leader”)
-You’re both losing. (”degrading”, being a “degrader”)
-Nothing is changing. (neutral interaction)

This is what we call “mutual value”. Two people have their value
constantly play on each other. The maximum benefit you can get out
of any interaction will be being a mutual value escalator, also
known as a leader. This will be the methods we teach, though we
will also delve a little bit into how to take from someone’s
expense if they’re being disrespectful or rude. In other words, if
they’re to take from you, we’ll turn the tables on them.

***

To put it into numbers, again, you’re a “male 6″, she’s a “female 7″

Originally:
You: 6
Her: 7

Do nothing:
You: 6
Her: 7

Supplicate/fawn:
You: 5
Her: 8

Supplicate really, really badly:
You: 2
Her: 7

Try to “knock her off her pedestal”:
You: 7
Her: 6

But my favorite is to raise the other person up. The fact is, a
confident leader that makes people always better, always stronger
around him, has his own value perceived to be increased in the
process. If people feel stronger around you, and you carry yourself
well and confidently in the process, then you gain even more.

So mutual value escalation:

Her: 8

She went up… and you’re only a 6, right? Wrong! Improving people
in a confident, genuine way that upholds your standards and doesn’t
supplicate actually increases YOUR value!

So, originally:

You: 6
Her: 7

Raise her value up through high standards, praise, leading, and
showing genuine interest and appreciate for her:

You: 9+
Her: 8+

The numbers are arbitrary and ridiculous, but the point stands -
leading people to be the best people they can be increases your
social value more than anything else you could do. You do have to
have base value to begin with to even start this process, but if
you do, confident leading and raising people up will increase your
value higher than anything else you could do. The only time you
“take” from people - gain social value at their expense - is when
they’re incapable of mutual value escalation. Those people you beat
down as appropriate, or when employing subtlety, use the retarded
look and other forms of minor social pressure and withdrawing your
time. Thankfully, the vast majority of people (including beautiful
women!) are capable of mutual value escalation, and respond well to
confident leaders that guide them gently to being the best person
they could be.

Sebastian

Everyone sizes up everyone that meet in a split second. While the
most open-minded and enlightened people let their views of others
evolve, everything we see gets factored into decision making.

If you’re having problems with a negative stereotype about you, the
problem is that that stereotype is providing more information about
you than any other source.

I have clients of all races. Have had clients from every continent,
and very many countries. And I’ve noticed something time and time
again: Students who succeed have positive characteristics that
dominate your first impression of them.

Students who don’t are bland, which leaves people’s split second
judges of them to chance.

Overdomination:

A characteristic is said to “dominate” another when it gets
factored before that characteristic. For instance, clothing
dominates race - what you’re wearing gets factored into how people
judge each other before your skin color. Put this way - if you see
a Brazilian guy in an Armani suit, you say -

“Rich Brazilian guy”, not “Brazilian rich guy”.

But the fact that he’s rich doesn’t make you forget that he’s a
Brazilian gentleman - so you’re going to factor in your past
experiences with people from Brazil when you size him up instantly.

So here’s the crux of it - if some characteristics about you aren’t
great for the area you’re in, or you don’t believe it works well
for you, you want to get other characteristics that dominate those
traits. Even if your stereotypical characteristics are advantageous
to you - tall, square-jawed Brazilian guy - you can still evolve
past that. If people’s SECOND impression of you is that you’re a
tall, square-jawed Brazilian, then you’re in really great shape.

Now the real deal - what if you’re the “wrong” type for whatever
you want to do? What if you’re applying for a job in a racist
country, what if you’re shorter than everyone around you in a place
that values height, what if you don’t have the same “pedigree” that
is expected of someone to enter a certain social circle?

The key is - overdomination.

Traits that dominate get consideration first, and then other traits
are looked at.

Traits that OVERDOMINATE are traits that make you forget about the
other characteristics of the person. The other traits become
irrelevant in light of such a large, dominating trait.

Power.

Power is a classical overdominating trait. If you see a very
powerful guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of him is.
You see powerful men of all types. Even an ardent racist is going
to respect Samuel L. Jackson.

Charisma.

Charisma is a classical overdominating trait. If you see a very
charismatic guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of him
is. Even though he’s only 5′6, Tom Cruise absolutely glows.

In the last month, I’ve had a mix of very interesting clients. One
was a gentleman who was truly insightful - he’s a world traveller,
a scholar, enlightened and brilliant and charming. He’s got wild
stories of his travels through North America and the Orient, and he
talks with rapture about dangerous attempts of criminals to trying
to rob or extort him. He laughs at the time that he got scammed
twice in the same night, and laughs with a sense of dignity - he
learned the lesson, and the anecdote was worth the few dollars.
He’ll make more money, and if he doesn’t, money won’t be an issue.
A renaissance man, if you will, that is knowledgeable about history
and art but dresses in sharp, tailored high fashion.

Oh yeah, and he’s a medium-built Chinese-Canadian guy that’s
average height and with a so-so physique.

It’s the last thing you notice - when he’s on, he combines power
and charm, and they overdominate his other characteristics. If you
met him, you’d like him.

I hear men worry about their height, race, nationality, accent,
age, and all sorts of other traits frequently.

I’ll tell you when you’re in trouble - when the first thing someone
notices about you is that you’re short, or that you’re young, or
that you’re a particular race. That happens to people who have no
characteristics more interesting than those traits.

Now, those traits will still stereotype you to people as a “second
impression” if you get some traits that dominate them. For
instance, looking “corporate” will get noticed before your
ethnicity. Your race will still be factored, but you’ll get all the
stereotypes about being corporate (doesn’t care about the
environment, really damn busy, resents poor people, is extremely
good in bed) before you get the ones about your race.

And if you really put yourself together extremely well, eventually
you come to stand for an idea, and an ideal. One of the most
successful clients I’ve ever had the blessing to teach was an
extremely successful professional who, without a college degree,
moved through various entrepreneurial endeavors and then worked his
way up the chain in the construction industry until he’s now making
piles of money.

He’s a short guy, with an unexceptional physique. His clothes
aren’t extremely high end, either - he usually wears Levi’s. But
he’s “got it” - characteristics that overdominate.

Power.
Leadership.
Charm.
“Gets shit done”.

These characteristics can be built over time. A good place to start
is with your nonverbals - right now, we’re going to work on it.
From behind your monitor, indulge me for five minutes.

Push your shoulders as far back as you can, so that they’re even
tense.
Push your chest as far out as you can.
Suck your stomach in.
Tilt your head upwards - your chin should be slightly above
parallel to the ground.
Now take a deep breath… hold it…
…now exhale, and let your muscles relax and be not tense. Keep
your shoulders “back and broad”, your chest pushed out, stomach in,
and head up.

(The to remember this quickly and fix your bodylanguage in a
nightclub is to go through this order -

Back and broad, out, in, up, breathe - which stands for shoulders
back and broad, chest out, stomach in, head up, breathe)

When you make eye contact with people, look from your right eye to
their right eye, or to the bridge of their nose which makes you
look like you’re looking into both their eyes simultaneously.

When you walk, go S-Squared as instructor Morgan puts it.
S-Squared: Smooth and Slow. All your actions should be smooth and
slow, which entains thinking about everything before you do it. Be
the observed, not the observer.

That’s the start of developing some “power” about you.

If your first impression is excellent and unique, your “second
impression” - the stuff you can’t change - becomes less important.

And when you seem extremely powerful to random people who meet you,
or extremely charming, completely stylish, or like an amazing
leader - then secondary characteristics about you won’t even factor.

Sebastian

Social accountability is when a girl is held socially accountable
for her actions. In the workplace and in her social circle, there
are social ramifications for what she does. In those places, she is
far less likely to engage in wanton, random, or potentially
disrespectful behavior. Her decisions will be more calculated and
less arbitrary. She’ll be less whimsical, and less spontaneous, and
err on the cautious side when making decisions that could put her
reputation in jeopardy.

PROS:

The girl is less likely to flake.
The girl is less likely to disrespect you.
The girl is less likely to act random.
Less mood swings.
Better treatment overall.

CONS:

She’ll have more fear of being judged.
She’ll be less quick and less likely to engage in casual liaisons.
She’ll be less forthcoming and open about what she really thinks
about things.
She’ll act more conservatively.

Social anonymity is when a girl is not held socially accountable
for her actions. When she meets a guy randomly in a bar, club, or
on the streets and has no binding connection with him, her actions
are socially anonymous. Her behavior will be more ruled by her
moods and whims, which can work for or against you. When you are
socially anonymous to a girl’s social circle, she is more likely to
flake, engage in whimsical behavior, or act disrespectfully - but
also more likely to do “taboo” things she’d be afraid of being
judged for in her main social circle, like extremely quick flings,
threesomes, and other such behavior.

PROS:

Less fear of being judged.
She’ll open up more.
She’s likely to “roll with it” when crazy stuff comes up.
More honest, less calculated conversations and interactions.
Greater possibility of very quick interactions and escalations.

CONS:

More likely to flake.
More whimsical behavior.
More potential for disrespect.
More likely to “vent”, “flip out”, or just unload all her emotional
baggage about men.

You could plot these on a scale, ranging from

Completely Anonymous <---> Completely Accountable

Completely Anonymous: No one besides her knows or has any chance of
knowing you exist. When you or her are traveling, and none of her
friends are around, and you meet by random chance, you are
completely socially anonymous.

Completely Accountable: Almost everyone significant to her knows
about you and your character. Her friends, family, and coworkers
know you, and have an opinion of you.

The vast majority of interactions we get into, we’re somewhere in
between.

—> This is usually a mistake.

“Playing the extremes” here is VERY viable, because her behavior
gets extremely polarized at either end of the spectrum, making it
extremely easy to make judgments about what to do. The basic
formula I recommend is:

Either become an important part of her life, or be a complete
fantasy diversion from her life.

If you want to be socially anonymous, the formula is easy: Look for
girls out by themselves (99% of the time they’re looking for a guy
that night), don’t introduce her to people, keep it extremely fun
and high energy, and escalate quickly. Realize that getting phone
numbers from girls without social accountability require LOTS more
compliance and she’s still likely to flake. She needs to be
invested if you’re going to get a number, so try to get her doing
favors or spending money on you quickly.

If you want her to be socially accountable, the formula is a little
trickier but easy to implement none-the-less: You want to meet and
strike good impressions with as many people in her life as are
significant as possible. Meet her girlfriends, even talk to her
parents if possible.

Socially anonymous is easy - don’t meet anyone. Here’s some social
accountability tech -

1. Ask her about all her friends, get their names, and then ask
individually about each friend every now and then. Doing so makes
her more likely to bring you up in conversation to that friend.

2. Wish those friends well, or ask concernedly if they’re going
through tough times. Tell her you’re pulling for her friends.

3. Go out with her social circle whenever possible.

4. Introduce her to your social circle.

5. Interact with her in places where she’s a “regular” - at her
university cafe, office cafeteria, or favorite bar would be examples.

6. Encourage her to invite her friends out with you and your
friends. Invites to parties where you highly encourage her to
invite her friends are likely to get her friends out.

7. (my favorite) If she still lives with her parents (as many girls
into their 20’s do now), have her ask her parents for permission to
go out with you. Tell her to say, “Mom, I met a guy that’s a good
guy that I like, and he said he’d like you to approve him taking me
out Thursday. Can I go out with him?” Have her ask when she’s on
the phone with you. The parents will be damn impressed and love
you, and it’ll also get her having to deal with, “So…. who is
he… is he cute?” She’ll roll her eyes, and go, “Mommmmm!”

The effects:

Social accountability is more precise and will have a higher
success rate overall, but will take longer. It’s more likely to
default towards societally normal relationships, though you can
always intention map some life into them.

Social accountability is a bit more “playing the numbers game” even
with masterful command of VAC, but it leads to extremely quick and
crazy interactions. This is the stuff that gets girls in your bed
in 30 minutes, but also leads to more flaking.

Factors on choosing whether to use Social Accountability or Social
Anonymity:

Both are powerful. Anonymity lends to more variance, but quicker
escalations and more hedonism-based relationships. Accountability
is slower and leads to mainstream relationships more often, but is
more precise and consistent.

Have fun, & keep playin’,

Sebastian

There is no doubt that having standards and holding women to them
is good for both value and compliance. It shows you have value in
that you can afford to have standards and think well of yourself,
that you deserve a quality woman. It’s good for compliance when you
hold her to your standards and she tries to meet them.

On top of all that, after she meets one of your standards, you can
reward her for it and show her that that qualifies her to be with
you - which increases attainability.

Screening is, in short, a good thing. But a lot of times, guys have
a hard time making screening questions Situationally Relevant. They
aren’t able to create the context necessary to screen.

What you can do in place of screening questions is use
statement-based screening. It’s screening in a way that doesn’t ask
her if she meets your standards, but instead puts your standards
out there and offers her the opportunity to show she meets them.
This begins to work once you’ve base compliance and she’s started
to initially get attracted to you.

What you do, quite simply, is put out a statement as to what you
like or don’t like. If the girl likes you, she’ll want to show she
meets that standard.

Example:

Screening question: “Can you cook?”
Screening statement: “I like girls that can cook.”

This also has great application for screening in response to a
story she had, where a question might be very verbose.

For instance, a great thing to screen women on is having female
friends in addition to male friends. Trust me on this one, you
don’t want a girlfriend that can’t get along with other girls.

So if the girl is talking about how she doesn’t like most girls and
doesn’t get along with them, you can drop a screening statement: “I
hear you, girls can be tough. I think it’s really important to have
friends that are guys and girls though.” -> This is almost
guaranteed to get her backpedalling and trying to impress upon and
to you that she has female friends too.

The great thing about screening statements is that they’re actually
more compliance than passing a screening question. While there’s a
social obligation to answer a reasonable question you’re asked, it
feels to her like she’s just volunteering that she’s up to your
standards when you make a statement. And on the flipside, you’re
putting less effort in - so she’s giving you more effort after
you’ve put in less. A good formula.

Now, realize one last cool piece of the puzzle. Girls - especially
very beautiful girls with great social skills - often use
screening-based statements on men. They’ll mention in passing that
they value something or other, and most men will jump to say
they’re that.

Instead, a good answer is to just smile and agree with her, perhaps
saying the word, “Cool.”

Examples:

Girl: “I really think what car a guy drives says a lot about him.”
You: “Cool.”

Girl: “I expect my boyfriends to take me out to really nice places.”
You: “Cool.”

It dismisses the screen from her without being combative. You
smile, and say something like, “Cool.” Very high value stuff.

Keep playin’,

Sebastian

After you get a girl’s number, you’re going to want to take her
out. But calling and trying to set up a traditional date a few days
in advance is often a losing proposition when the girl flakes, and
you’re left… wondering.

Yesterday, we talked about social backup planning. Girls often
accept plans with a “yes” when they really mean “if it’s the best
thing going on at the time, then yes” - guys who are used to
honoring their commitments or have busy social lives often don’t
understand it.

Today, here’s a few techniques to short circuit the bidding
process. These are far superior to the held-over-from-1923 “give
her 3 days notice before a date because it’s gentlemanly” nonsense
that can prompt flaking.

Get her out:

1) The “something just got cancelled, where are you right now”?
2) “What a ridiculously fun night”
3) The Awesome Two Weeks Later Plan

1) Call her up, greet her, ask what’s up as normal, and then go on
with, “My [xxx] class just got cancelled, so I’ve got a few hours
free. Where are you right now?” Note the wording - “Where are you
right now?”, NOT “Are you free?” If you get where she is, you can
come to judgements about how free she is and where you two could
potentially go. After she lets you know where she’s at, go ahead
with, “Cool, I can come by there and we can hang for a bit.” If she
asks what you’re doing, either come up with a plan, or let her know
something along the lines of: “The company is more important than
the event - we’ll hang, chat, have a good time… we can grab
coffee or food or whatever.”

This creates a sense of urgency. Note you should be in
communication at least in the last two weeks before you call her
abruptly… this works best if she perceives you as having a busy
schedule. I say outright, “I don’t have much random free time, but
I just freed up and would love to see you.” - of course, being busy
is hard to fake. Much better to actually be busy. Another
derivative - “I thought I’d be working late, but I had to come in
earlier and wrapped up earlier…” - the idea is that you’re
offering a spontaneous get-together, and there’s urgency on the
decision. If she’s in the middle of something pressing, she’ll tell
you when you ask where she is, or just not answer her phone.
Bidding process short-circuited.

2) Ever want a girl after clubs close on a weekend night? Of course
you have! Text this: “what a ridiculously fun night” in a mass text
to every girl in the local area that you regularly text. Whoever
texts back, “what did u do?” or something along those lines - you
immediately call. She’ll answer most of the time - now go ahead
with, “Wow! Tonight’s been a blast… I don’t want it to end. Where
you at right now?” After she says, say, “Cool, I’ll hop in a cab.
On my way. What a blast” - talk on the phone the entire drive or
cab ride if possible - you don’t want to get off the phone for this
one.

The score: It can be social suicide to call girls at 03:00 and ask
what’s up and try to chat. It screams, “I didn’t get any” if she
doesn’t answer. Of course, if she does answer, you’re in… the
best of both worlds? The text. The girls awake and bored WILL text
back, and then you suck them into a whirlwind of fun. Tried,
tested, and theApproach approved.

3) And one of my personal favorites - plan a really, really cool,
really, really fun exclusive date for two weeks or more in advance.
Sound like the opposite of all the other advice you’ve gotten so
far? Check this out:

Plan something just utterly fantastic together, like going to an
awesome concert, or otherwise a completely amazing time. Then, call
her and chat with her in the weeks leading up to the date. One of
those calls, suggest doing something right then and there, or in
another day or two (but still significantly before the major
awesome event). There’s a very minimal chance of flaking when an
awesome event is planned in for the future. Where did this get
discovered? From talking with guys who took girls to “prom”, a
formal American dance in high school. It’s hyped that people sleep
together during prom, but that’s not what actually happens. Most
times, if the couple sleeps together the first time during “prom
season”, it’s because they went out to hang out and get to know
each other better BEFORE prom.

Now, I’m not going to say actually going to the awesome event is
optional after bedding her, but y’know…

Keep playin’,

Sebastian
–
theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman

Howdy my man -

A lot of men are afraid of being judged. This can really hold
people back: The key is to remember that high value people don’t
worry about people judging them: They work on themselves and are
proud of who they are, then they hold other people to their
standards. Simple by holding others (especially women) to your
standards will make you seem like a high-value, high status
individual.

Today I thought I’d give you an insider’s look into how we refine
what we’re about at theApproach. The following is from an email
dialouge with one of our hotshot, up-and-coming instructors - the
piece is taken from a conversation on putting new drills in place,
and refining the day one curriculum so that - you guessed it - our
students can see their value and what they have to offer while out
in the field… and aren’t afraid of being judged. Enjoy:

“Day 1: Value

The way the curriculum is laid out is to reinforce the value they
inherently have. I want students to go the first night in-field
NEVER doubting that they have something to offer to people. No
fear of being judged. I want them to feel confident in going out,
feeling empowered/transformed in knowing that approaching is not
hard… and they can do it. Inner game. Understanding their own
value needs to be ingrained in them to minimize or completely
eradicate approach anxiety before we even hit the field. Any AA
should stem from slight performance nervousness, not from fearing
being judged. That way, they can focus on a productive focus -
charging the venue, making connections, holding people to their
standards.

This is why I give them time to list six values. After I explain
how the six values they wrote down fall either under universal vs
specific value (and how that affects attraction), I ask them to
tell us one story of something they are proud of. Listening to
each others’ stories also makes them realize how EVERYONE has some
inherent value. The question becomes: have they given a glimpse of
that value to the woman they meet?”

Low status men typically worry about being judged - “Am I good
enough?” High status men know they’re high status, and instead look
to see if other people meet their standards - and when they do,
they reward them by opening up and sharing some things from their
own life. If you’ve got 10 minutes, reflect on what you’re proud of
accomplishing. Don’t talk about those experiences to impress people
- realize you’re high status, and open up as a reward when you meet
women that are up to your standards. Keep playin’,

Sebastian

Refresher:

Attraction is created by having all of,

Value: Something fills a conscious or subconscious need for a person
Attainability: Have a chance to get that value
Compliance: Put work and investment into reaching the value

For getting women,

Value: Traits that are universally valuable, or valuable
specifically to the woman
Attainability: Compatibility, Respect, and Legitimacy
Compliance: Work or effort put into the interaction, to impress or
please you, to handle logistics, or accepting something she doesn’t
necessarily like

Fashion time!

What’s wearing a bunch of gold chains do (assuming they’re not
tacky)?

Think about it -

What’s it do to value?

What’s it do to attainability?

Compliance?

Okay…

Wearing a bunch of gold chains shows you’re indifferent to
arbitrary social pressure, confident, and bold. At the same time,
it shows a nonchalance and playerish attitude.

So for most women, a bunch of gold chains would be:

+V
-A

It would make you more valuable, but make the woman wonder if
you’re the real deal.

WAYS TO GET +VALUE FROM YOUR CLOTHING WITHOUT -ATTAINABILITY:

Coordination
Good Fit
Functional Accessories

Coordination: Do your items match? The easiest to match are your
belt, shoes, and watch. Matching those three will make you look
like you know what you’re doing aesthetically, and make you look
sharper.

Good Fit: Regardless of your body type, you want to wear your
clothes *tight* - if you’re a skinnier guy, you’ll “swim” in excess
material. This can be especially tough for my American gentlemen,
since American clothes are cut large around the middle. Vincent - a
relatively skinny guy - recommends H&M on the low end and Hugo Boss
on the high end for a good fit if you’re on the skinny side. If
you’re a bit heavier like me, excess material makes you look f-a-t.
Go tight, even though it’s counterintuitive, and it’ll actually
thin you out and make you look stronger. For what it’s worth, I’m
around 6′0 and 165 lbs and I wear x-smalls sometimes in American
sizes. Actually, don’t think “tight” - think “sleek”. Then kill the
excess material.

Functional Accessories: You get +V from wearing cool accessories
that set you apart. The thing is, if you wear immense amounts of
rings, bracelets, and necklaces, it can make you seem unattainable
to women. She’ll ask, “Could a girl like me get a guy like him?”
and not be sure of the answer. If she reckons, “No, he’s out of my
league” then - whirr, you’re done.

But you can get all the bonus to value without losing any
attainability points by sharpening way up in what we call the
“functional accessories” - these are the items that people are
expected to wear. These are what you want to snazz up. Look for
especially cool socks, with perhaps an argyle pattern or in baby
blue. Belt, watch, and scarves are also functional accessories.
Winter hats and gloves, too. Points for matching scarves and hats
if you can.

WAYS TO MAKE YOU MORE INTRIGUING AND POTENTIALLY ATTAINABLE TO MORE
WOMEN:

Color
Contrast

Color: If all of your wardrobe are “guy colors” - black, blue,
grey, and brown - start looking for a wider range of colors. Many
men aren’t aware that purple is an extremely masculine color - it’s
represented nobility in the West for centuries now. Most guys look
very good in a light blue as well. If you go a little softer on the
colors, it’ll make you stand out as well as seem more friendly and
approachable.

Contrast: Contrast is excellent because if opens up doors for you.
I strongly recommend really “manly men” types that are into contact
sports, pushing iron, and raising some hell create a contrast by
softening the look up. No more than three years ago, my casual
wardrobe was all construction boots, jeans, sneakers, and jerseys.
The thing is - the kind of women that like manly men will still
like you damn well if you’re wearing a nice wool or silk scarf. On
the flipside, guys that are sensitive and gentle can often do very
well when wearing a sharp power suit or hardening their look up
with a leather jacket. Women that are naturally in tune with your
personality type will still dig you after just a couple moments of
interaction, and women that are attracted to the opposite will
become intrigued and it becomes easier to get in and get a window
of opportunity. There’s something to be said for repping one solid
theme throughout every single thing you do, but if you’re looking
for things to play with - pick up some clothes that contrast your
natural personality, just for fun.

One of the newest theApproach Alumni from last weekend’s Los
Angeles program said it really well: “I don’t buy things that match
my style. I buy things that I want to try out and see if I like.”
Makes sense to me - you’re not marrying your clothes, fella! Mix it
up a little, and keep playin’,

Sebastian

Howdy folks -

We talk lots about compliance here at theApproach - to become
attracted to something, people need to put work or effort into it.
It ties into the Cost/Worth Conception - people think things are
worth what they cost. If you set the price for yourself too low,
women will think you’re not worth anything… if you were,
certainly you’d have higher standards and ask to be treated well, no?

So we talk about and teach how to screen women to see if they’re
the type you want, and how to get them to help you with your goals,
and even to spend some money on you.

The thing is - compliance starts immediately in an interaction. The
lowest levels - her acknowledging and responding to you socializing
- is what we call “base compliance”. These are the small things
that she needs to do for the interaction to get started.

Base compliance is what the girl needs to do in the VERY START of
the interaction for the interaction to begin and for her to want
you there. There’s 5 steps in base compliance:

1. Acknowledgement
2. Listening
3. Answering Questions
4. Responding to Statements
5. Active Contribution

Here’s what the woman has to do:

1. Acknowledgement: She needs to physically acknowledge you - look
in your general direction.

2. Listening: She needs to listen to you, and be able to hear you
as you open and start conversing.

3. Answering Questions: She needs to answer your questions after
and during opening.

4. Responding to Statements: Conversations aren’t interrogations.
After a while, your conversations need to shift into you making
statements, and her responding to those and contributing to the
interaction.

5. Active Contribution: Finally, she needs to help actively
contribute to the interaction by asking you good questions, picking
up where you left off, and helping the interaction move forwards.

A couple quick notes:

So what can you do with this? This is for troubleshooting - EVERY
time you don’t open, you didn’t get one of these levels of base
compliance. You don’t always have to go in order through them, but
every time a girl doesn’t open, one of these steps is where.

If it just happens once, it’s interesting. But if you keep running
into the same problem with opening, you can work on the following
things. Here’s how to troubleshoot base compliance:

1. Acknowledgement: If the girl won’t acknowledge you, you should
look at your nonverbal image projection - the mix of your
bodylanguage, fluidity in motion (being graceful as opposed to
clumsy - which can be learned), walking patterns from both entering
the club (slowly… not scurrying) and approaching the girl (no
hesitation she sees). If your nonverbals are way off, girls can
brush you off before you even go to open. Second, make sure you’re
not opening directly from behind. The side, front, front-side, or
whatever - it doesn’t matter, as long as it’s not directly from
behind. You’ll sometimes get away with opening directly from
behind, but because of the chance to startle the person, open from
the front or side whenever possible.

2. Listening: Listening follows from acknowledgement: Your
nonverbals will be looked at again, and you’ll have to have a
command presence where the woman will listen and respond to you.
Also, you’ll need to be loud enough to be heard in loud nightclubs.

3. Answering Questions: After she’s listening, you’re opening. If
she refuses to answer questions after you open, it’s ALWAYS a
problem with Situational Relevance - is what you said appropriate
for the context, at the right level of comprehension for the venue,
and near her energy level? Your opener needs to be situationally
relevant, and your questions need to follow situationally
relevantly from the opener.

4. Responding to Statements: This is where a lot of guys get in
trouble. Here’s the thing - interactions shouldn’t be
interrogations. At some point, you need to get into a spot where
you’re making statements, and she’s responding, and it’s going back
and forth. But some girls have a problem doing so. Here’s what you
do -

*Make a statement
*Pause and give her a chance to reply
*If she doesn’t reply, ask a question that follows from your
statement
*Threadcut her answer (make a statement based upon at least one
word or the theme or what she said that goes in another direction)
*Repeat

So if she’s already answering questions and not yet responding to
statements, here’s what you can do:

You: Where you from?
Her: Los Angeles.
You: Cool - I love Los Angeles. My favorite is hanging out at
Melrose and Venice Beach…
(wait…. no answer from her?)
You: What’s your favorite thing about Los Angeles?
Her: I like Hollywood a lot.
You: That’s cool. We go out clubbing in the Hollywood area sometimes.
(wait…. nothing?)
You: You a clubber?
Her: A little.
You: Yeah, that’s cool. I like heading to places with mixed kinds
of music… like more than one room or dance floor. House music is
my favorite.
Her: Oh yeah? I love house music! My favorite is…

Jackpot - see at the end, she responds to a statement with her own
statement - conversations need to move in the direction. If you
make situationally relevant, interesting threadcuts, and keep doing
so, she’s ALWAYS going to respond at some point - and then she’s
put more into the interaction, and is becoming more attracted to
you if you’ve got the value and attainability down.

5. Active Contribution: After she’s answering questions and
responding to statements, you’ve got a normal conversation. Through
it, you can get her to put in work (good for compliance), and show
her that she’s got a shot at you (attainability). Your value can be
established any number of ways, either conversationally or
nonverbally as well.

To get active contribution from a girl, you need the first four
levels of base compliance (acknowledgement, listening, answering
questions, responding to statements) as well as some general VAC -
you’re valuable, she has a shot at you, and she’s started to work
to get you.

Then - and this is crucial - master the art of shutting up when
appropriate. If she hasn’t been jumping in and aiding the
conversation heavily at the 20-30 minute mark, try letting
conversation die in a relaxed way so that she has to pick it back
up. If you’re rambling nonstop, it doesn’t give her an opportunity
to contribute which is crucial.

Don’t overthink base compliance when out socializing - but it is an
excellent troubleshooting technique. If your openers aren’t working
when you’re out, you can pin it to one part of base compliance
every single time - and fix the part that needs fixing.

Also, remember this - getting higher levels of compliance
automatically unlocks a lower level. So, if she gives you a
compliment to start the interaction (active contribution), she’s
obviously acknowledging you. Just like how if you can get her to
come over and clean your house, do your laundry, and cook you
dinner, sex becomes automatic. Cool, huh?

Have fun, keep playin’!

Sebastian

Let’s talk relationships, my man. A lot of times, a guy finds it
funny to aggravate his girlfriend. Sometimes girls press to see
what reactions they can get out of their man. Power struggles are
all too common in relationships, but many times guys don’t even
realize they’re having them. They can start as early as right after
approaching.

You want to stay away from power struggles, and here’s why - Power
struggles only happen when it’s not clear who is in charge. If a
girl engages a guy in a power struggle, it means she’s seen some
value in him but he’s also expressed that he might not be in charge
of the situation. Many guys who’ve never had women react
meaningfully to them relish this new attention, but it’s not a
great place to be.

When value is clear cut and who is in charge is unquestionable,
power struggles do not happen. Look at how most leaders act - they
don’t engage people in back and forth nonsense, nor do they let the
other person get under their skin. They remain simply - unbothered.
They’re usually polite, friendly, and supportive of those around
them.

People turn into struggling for power when they’re not sure who is
in charge, and would like the situation to resolve itself. Instead
of engaging in power struggles, I recommend you rise above them.
This can be done as simply as with the “small shrug” - it’s a shrug
that starts and ends in the time it takes to see “meh”. If a girl
is trying to provoke you, or saying something inflammatory or
silly, you can simply shrug to good results.

If she persists in trying to antagonize you, remove yourself.
Remember, if you’re high value, spending time with you is a reward.
And at the same time - for whatever perverse reason, most people
like to get an emotional reaction out of another person. Yelling at
someone can often be a reward, if it shows them they matter.

So to really punish a girl trying to engage in a power struggle?
Remove yourself. Shrug once. If she persists, tell her gently with
a light smile to knock it off. If she keeps it up, excuse yourself
politely - she’ll get the message.

And remember to act confident and lead people, be strong for them
and help them be the best they can be. The more you grow and
develop into a strong, masculine leader, the less often people will
even try to engage you in power struggles.

God bless,

Sebastian