One of the very most crucial things that you ought to master is the
ability to recognize and hit hard in a window of opportunity. You’ll
never, ever wind up in the friend zone as long as you do two things:

Get compliance (make her work to meet your standards and please you),
and always take windows of opportunity.

A window of opportunity is any time she encourages you to escalate:

If you miss a window of opportunity, it’s bad for value and it’s bad
for attainability: It makes the girl question if you’re a guy of high
status. And if you are of high status, then she figures she doesn’t
stand a chance. So, you must hit windows of opportunity hard.

Here’s some common verbal ones, and good default answers to them:

In bars and nightclubs:

“This place is lame.”
Response: “Totally. Let’s get out of here.”

“I’m hungry.”
-> “Me too, I know this great Thai place nearby. You like Thai?”

“I love this song!”
-> “C’mon, let’s go dance” (if you like to dance)

At closing time:

“I still want to drink…”
-> “Yeah, I know a good spot nearby.” (go to your place)

“I still want to dance.”
-> “Really? Cool, I know a good spot.” (go to a club nearby you like,
a party, or your place)

“I’m not tired…”
-> “Me neither… I’m hitting up an afterparty, come along.” (go to
your place)

“I’ve got [food, drink, tea, coffee, whatever] at my place.”
-> “Yeah? Let’s stop by there in a while.”

First meeting, daytime or nightime:

“I know this really cool [place].”
-> “Sounds neat - you should totally take me.” (if she says yes, set
a time right then, and get her number)

“I cook a really good veal parmesean.”
-> “Oh that sounds delicious, I’m dying for a homecooked meal. Make
it for me… next, hmm… Tuesday night, six o’clockish?” (if she
says yes, get her number. if she says no to the time, say “another
time, then” and get her number)

“I’m about to head to a party after this…”
-> “Hmm… yeah, that sounds okay. Alright, sure, I’ll go” (say it
like you’re seriously weighing out the option after being invited -
if she blinks heavily at that, just smile a joking smile and laugh)

In response to you mentioning…

A new CD, DVD, book of art, or something else you just got:
“Oh, that sounds really cool!”
-> “Yeah, it is. I’ll show you [right now/sometime]” (and take her
with you right then, or get her number as appropriate)

There’s also many nonverbal windows of opportunity, including things
like cuddling up to you, getting closer to you, etc. If you miss one
of these, it’s very important that you DO NOT immediately try to
compensate by going for it. If you miss a spot to physically escalate,
wait and go for it in a bit.

Here’s some of the more subtle yet more potentially powerful windows
of opportunity to take:

At or near your place:

“It’s such a long drive home…”
-> “Yeah… well… I guess you can stay the night, but I’ve got to
be up really early in the morning.”

“The weather is so bad…”
-> “Shit… Yeah, I guess you’re right. Hmm.. well, I guess you can
stay the night, but I’ve got to be up really early in the morning.”

“Oh, I’ve had a lot to drink.”
-> “Whoa. No way you’re driving then. I’ll either call you a cab and
you can come back for your car in the morning, or you can crash and
head out in the morning.” (if she protests, say, “no! you’re not
driving, period.”)

“Do you have roommates?”
-> (answer honestly, but realize it’s a window of opportunity, so
invite her back either way)

At or near her place:

“You’ve had a lot to drink, huh?”
-> “Damn… I guess so. Yeah, ok, got a couch to put me up for the
night? Wait, and an alarm? I need to get up early.”

“You look tired.”
-> “Yeah, I am. Can I crash here for like an hour or so before I’ve
got to head back? I can’t stay too long though…”

Any time she asks about where you live, mentions where she lives,
says anything that refers to logistics including cabs, cars, or
distances, says anything that limits mobility or driving ability
including drinking, tiredness, weather, or distance, any time she
mentions that one of you has something that she likes or thinks is
interesting -

These are windows of opportunity. Girls simply won’t say them to guys
that they don’t like on some level. Always try to escalate them;
usually it will work. Have fun, keep playin’,

Sebastian

Precedence is of the utmost importance. Once someone says they like
or don’t like something, it establishes that preference
semi-permanently and it’s hard to make people change. People don’t
want to seem silly, whimsical, or inconsistent - and many people
are just downright stubborn.

So, if you’ve got a girlfriend that you want to do high level stuff
with, like say, share another girl with her, you don’t want her to
say “no! never!” the first time you bring it up - This is a mistake.

Worse still, the natural inclination for many men is to argue, making
her affirm, “no! never!” repeatedly - and crippling the chances of
opening a new, open-minded facet of your relationship.

Want a great technique to turn it around?

When she starts to say, “no! never!” to say, being with another
girl, you say, “Don’t say no, say maybe.” She might protest again.
Stay strong and calm. “Don’t say no, say maybe.” And if necessary,
“Hey - just say maybe, ok?” Persist until you get that “maybe” - and
the door swings WIDE open. Just even considering the possibility of
being with another girl is HUGE here.

Once she says “maybe”, reward her with a light touch, or little bit
of affection, and cut the thread and chat about something else.

Sebastian

Hi Gentlemen -

It’s been an incredible last two years, and we’d like to thank each
and every one of you - men who’ve trained with us, who’ve purchased
our products, read our blog, and enjoyed our ecourse - without you,
we couldn’t have made it happen. Thanks for enjoying and spreading
the word.

In the last two years, we’ve grown immensely. At the time of the
site renovation and curriculum standardization two years ago, we’ve
updated the training curriculum six times and haven’t increased our
prices once. Back then, we were one of the most expensive companies
in the training industry.

Lately, demand has been crazy, and our prices are now among the less
expensive programs as others have raised theirs two or three times.
To preserve our level of quality and bring the best to our clients,
we will be raising our prices on almost all theApproach products in
the next three days to week.

We’ve integrated new content once again, to bring the latest in
lecture, discussion, drills, and live fieldwork to improve your
social skills and social life. We’ve managed to integrate concepts
that are useful in business and negotiating without sacrificing
from our dating curriculum, and now look forward to offering social
skills for men who want to create win/win style social interactions.

The new content, which covers social skills, relationships, more
efficient opening, nonverbals, and even better conquering of inner
game issues is also combined with skills to increase your ability
to create a cohesive image of yourself using storytelling, techniques
to manage conversation and keep it flowing indefinitely, and some of
the newest, most cutting edge drills, practices, and missions.

The new curriculum is now available, but we wanted to offer clients
who had been planning to train with us the ability to take the new
curriculum at the old rates and student:instructor ratios before
prices are increased.

New programs are scheduled in New York, Los Angeles, Boston, Chicago,
Washington D.C., Miami, London, and Melbourne.

We’ve also updated theApproach Standard, which provides information
about our live training programs. You can view the page here:

http://www.theapproach.com/p_theApproach_standard.php

Scheduled Dates are available here:

http://www.theapproach.com/p_coaching_packages.php

You can place a deposit now to get our current rates along with our
new content, and gentlemen signing up in the next three days will
receive a free copy of theAttraction Handbook. Thanks again for
helping us build theApproach into a company that prides itself on
ethics and results, and making the world a better place while helping
men like yourself realize their social dreams.

–

Now, for a story:

Tonight, I brought one of my girlfriends out with one of an upcoming
young intern and friend of mine - I want to set him up with one of
my girl’s friends.

We had a nice tea together, and on the way back, we got into a
discussion about how we met. She told me that she frequently gets
guys doing something very similar to what I did when they meet her -
coming up to her and speaking to her in Japanese.

I encouraged her to continue.

She said they normally come up and say konnichiwa and start talking
to her - she said she’ll go to coffee with them if they’re cute, but
she sets her phone on silent as soon as she has a chance, and when
the guy asks for her number, she says, “I don’t have my phone on me,
and don’t remember my number. I can take yours.”

I ask, “And then you call them?”

Her: “No, never.”

“Oh, really? What made me different?”

“I guess I drove you… then it’s normal to switch numbers.”

See, when I met her, she mentioned that she has a car that I truly
love - a BMW 3-Series, which is really just a fun car to drive. I
said, “Oh yeah? I’m meeting a friend for dinner in the Financial
District at 5, care to give me a lift?”

She did so. The next meeting, she came out with me and had Thai food
with me, her friend, and Arnold, one of the top ranked instructors
at theApproach. That night, we took to bed together.

But why did I even get her number, let alone go down that path?

The answer is that I got COMPLIANCE - she tells me stories of guys
who buy her small presents immediately after meeting her, or a coffee,
or lunch or dessert.

Instead, she drove me to where I was heading.

And here’s the funny thing - People like to believe that they’re in
the right, and that every decision they make is sound. So regardless
of what they do, they’ll rationalize afterwards that it was a good
decision.

This is the foundation of what we call “The Cost/Worth Conception” -
People think things are worth what they cost. If you’ve ever had a
friend buy a car he couldn’t afford, or a bigscreen TV, you know what
I’m talking about. Maybe you looked at him like he’s crazy, and he
says, “No way man, this is the plasma Trinitron! This is the best TV
ever made, man!”

Same with girls - they’re almost NEVER asked by men to do any work.
So if you ask in a relevant way and she does it, she says, “Whoa!
Why did I do that…? I must… really like him.”

If you get a girl to put in enough work, she’ll always rationalize
that she’s doing it because you’re worth it. In short, “I’m working
for this guy, so he must be an awesome guy.” And maybe the best part
is that after she puts in some real work to impress you and make your
life better, it’s no big deal at all to get her number.

In fact, you can even make it a reward for her:

“Hey, thanks for the ride, what a nice car… here, I know this great
out of the way teahouse, we’ll go get some jasmine tea sometime.”

Her: “Okay.”

Me: “Cool, do you have a cell phone?”

Her: “Yes.”

Jackpot.

Get those girls workin’ - they’ll rationalize that you’re worth it.
The best work to get is work that benefits your life - and the crazy
thing is, women really do enjoy putting effort towards helping a
quality guy build his lifestyle.

Keep playin’,

Sebastian

Rate and program changes go into effect in a few days. More info
on how theApproach programs are designed to train gentlemen in a wide
range of flexible social skills in a win/win style of socializing:

http://www.theapproach.com/p_theApproach_standard.php

See available dates, and place a deposit here at our 2005 rates,
before any increases or changes:

http://www.theapproach.com/p_coaching_packages.php

Thanks for reading and choosing theApproach! We appreciate your time,
and look forward to serving you!

10 second tip: When you’re having a new girl over to your place, as
soon as you walk inside, take off your shoes and say “Shoes off” -

Many people follow this practice anyway for a variety of reasons,
and it’s not uncommon in most places. Having girls take their shoes
off means they’ll be more comfortable in your home, they’ll have a
precedence of having taken off even that small article of clothing,
and will also vibe “I’ll probably be staying a little while”.

Keep playin’,

Sebastian

Context is one of the most crucial elements that determines how your
interactions go when you approach a woman. People have “knee-jerk”
reactions all the time, where they act automatically to something
they’ve seen before.

We can use this to our advantage. Basically, you want women you
approach to associate with you a kind of guy they’re used to talking
to, having a nice time with, and getting to know more.

Here’s some tips on that score:

1) First, your “Nonverbal Image” is crucial. It’s what determines
if a woman will talk to you or like you before you even open your
mouth. Style of dress plays a significant factor in this, but the
biggest factor - your bodylanguage - is under your own control.

Remember this: Back and broad, out, in, up, breathe.

That stands for:

Shoulders back and broad
Chest out
Stomach in
Chin up ABOVE parallel to the ground (so your nose is in the air)
And take a deep breath to relax after setting your bodylanguage

Back and broad, out, in, up, breathe. Then smile - with teeth.

2) Fluidity in Motion: Slow every movement you make down. You want
to move in almost “slow motion” to people around you. In a world
where everyone’s hurrying, the person moving smoothly and slowly
gets noticed as calm and in control of himself.

3) Eye Contact: I heard an excellent tip from a former student.
“Right eye to right eye” - look from your right eye to their right
eye. It’s just the right amount of eye contact when first meeting
someone.

Yesterday, I sent out a message with a link to an article in the
Washington Post called “Pearls Before Breakfast”. It’s about how one
of the finest violinists in classical music put on street clothes
and played in a Washington, D.C. subway station during the busy
morning rush - and only two people out of a thousand stopped.

The article took a tone that looked down on our modern society and
culture. While it’s definitely true that we’re far too busy to enjoy
some of the simpler joys of life, what it really speaks to is that
people make split-second decisions about everyone they meet.

In this case, *no one* is expecting an elite violinist to be wearing
a baseball cap and playing at a commuter station in Washington, D.C.
So people don’t ever give the violinist a chance.

Same with you - you want to emanate “cool, successful guy I want to
get to know” before you even start talking.

There’s a couple other lessons to learn from this too.

*Not everyone you meet is going to like you: And that is absolutely
no reflection on you at all. Some percent of women you approach are
going to be lost in their own thoughts, having a bad day, or
something along those lines. Don’t sweat it - realize that there’s
4 billion women in the world, and you only need a handful that you
get along with to have a very fulfilling romantic and social life.

One of the biggest sticking points young guys coming into the social
arts have is that they want everyone they meet to like them. They
have goals like, “I want to be able to take any woman I see,
whenever I want.” That’s a fine lofty aspiration, but lots of times,
guys get let down when even one woman doesn’t get along well with
them.

Don’t let it phase you! One of the best violinists of our era just
has over a thousand people walk past him playing without stopping
for a moment. It happens - but two people recognized his music. One
knew him, and the other recognized it was really good music. That’s
all you need for a successful romantic life. For perspective,
consider this: I taught a bootcamp last weekend in Boston. I talked
to probably 40-70 women across the three days. I got one number from
a club dancer - just one number all weekend. She and I spent the
night together a few days later. After the program on Sunday, I met
a cute girl from out of town shopping. I showed her around some, and
she came back and spent the night with me. That’s two new, beautiful
girls in five days, but only a 2/70 close rate. 1/35 - 1/35 will
be an absolutely magical social life but that’s still 34/35 you’re
not getting with. Don’t sweat it - keep getting out there!

And if you didn’t read “Pearls Before Breakfast”, you can check it
out in the Washington Post here:

“Pearls Before Breakfast”

It’s worth the read. Happy Easter to those that celebrate it, and
best wishes.

Sebastian

If you’re ever in the Sichuan Province of the People’s Republic of
China, it’s worth a visit to the Cafe Milan in Chengdu. The place is
absolutely beautifully decorated, and the live piano, flute, and
violin at times can be moving and breathtaking.

It was there that I began to fall in love with classical music.
Still I am no expert, but my girlfriend of the time - a beautiful
and cultured editor of a high fashion magazine - took me to this
oh-so wonderful place, where time seemed to melt away.

The thing that I never thought about Milan - and how moving it could
be at times - was the context. Not only was the music quite good -
but the decor was amazing, with wonderful marble, lighting, glass,
and a touch of gold. The servers were dressed impeccably, and always
warm-eyed. The seats and tables somehow managed to be extremely
formal and extremely comfortable at the same time. It was the kind
of place where a Western would naturally feel underdressed, though
being underdressed in Chengdu isn’t particularly easy to accomplish.

But would the music have been as sweet elsewhere? It’s a question we
could debate and ponder and think about - but it turns out that Gene
Weingarten of the Washington Post has done it for us.

The Post asked Joshua Bell, one of the finest violinists in the
world, to play in a Washington, D.C. train station wearing street
clothes and a baseball hat.

The article says it better than I could, but Bell is a master with
his violin, who plays to packed houses anywhere in the world as he
wishes. His time costs about $1,000 *per minute*.

And as he sat and played for 43 minutes on an early winter morning,
1,097 people passed by. Only two stopped for more than a moment.

The article is really illuminating about where Western culture has
gone and how context affects art and human interaction. It’s a long
read, but well-worth it. If you choose to follow the link, at the
very least watch the videos of hundreds walking by as he plays
pieces on his $3.5 million 1713 Stradivarius violin.

Tomorrow, I’ll have a few thoughts on how context applies to your
social life, how you’ll never take the heart of every woman that
sees you regardless of how good you are, but how, despite that - you
can be one of the most successful men in the social arts of all time
if you simply want to - and the difference may be only the context
in which you present that which you already are.

But for now, if you have 10 minutes to read a wonderful piece about
how perhaps we’re missing out on lots of things we should be paying
attention to, here is “Pearls Before Breakfast”, on the Washington
Post’s website:

“Pearls Before Breakfast”, Washington Post Online

Sebastian

The Cherishment Cycle - what happens to everything we own, hold, or control. How to love and continue loving - or to fall quickly out of love.

When we cherish something, we love it, and tend to elevate it over mundane things that we feel ambivalent towards. When you buy a new gadget, article of clothing, CD, or other fragile expensive purchase - and you really love the new item you just got - you will treat it with great care and consideration.

As time passes, one of two things will happen:

*Your love for the item will continue to grow as you treat it with more reverance (like a journal), or, usually

*You will begin to lose the feeling of wonder and awe and the item will become mundane - eventually being treated as other mundane items are.

Take a beautiful jacket. Most men, even men who do not care so much about fashion, will at some point in their life buy a beautiful jacket. It may be a piece of high fashion, it may be a leather jacket, a motorcycling jacket, a sports jacket, it may be just a very warm, well-constructed jacket - but none the less, almost every man will buy a jacket that he loves in his lifetime.

After buying this jacket, he’s likely to treat it better than his other clothing, hanging it carefully and dusting it off ever so precisely after every wear. The man might even choose to wear an older jacket if it’s raining outside, or the elements are otherwise harsh.

But over time, the jacket almost always becomes an “old jacket” - and it is perhaps left on the floor at times, and not thoroughly cleaned off when it becomes dirty, and maybe not even mended when it starts to break.

See, for every item that you cherish, one of two things will happen to it: Your love for it will grow, or it will fade.

Why does this happen, and what does it mean for your lovelife?

First, what it means for your lovelife - when you and a girl start going out, there will be adulation, and adoration, and infatuation, and things will be absolutely wonderful. Over time, either the relationship will grow stronger and you will be more revered and cherished by your woman, or her feelings for you will fade and you will be like an old, once beautiful jacket lying on the floor.

So why does it happen?

The feeling of cherishment is strengthened through two things: Compliance, and Precedence. If you’ve been on our ecourse for any length of time, you know what compliance is - it’s almost any work or effort your woman puts into the interaction or to please you. But if you haven’t read our ebook or attended a course, you may be unfamiliar with how we use the word “precedence”.

“Precedence” is when something gains a default reaction to a certain stimulus. It’s one of only five factors you need to control for success in your social life:

Value, Attainability, Compliance (VAC) to create Attraction.

Attraction + Logistics to have sex.

Setting Precedence for a relationship.

Precedence is when someone gets used to reacting a certain way towards a stimulus. You probably have a default response to how you handle aggressive panhandlers, how you answer the phone when your best friend calls, and what you do on the 25th of December each year.

Precedence is set largely through how you react to certain things. To put it quickly, you want to reward good behavior, and punish bad behavior. When we say “punish”, we don’t mean anything mean or nasty - simply remove yourself, your time, withdraw if you’re being disrespected or treated poorly. That’s one of the largest punishments there is if you’re a high value guy.

If you want to keep your relationships wonderful after the initial spark, you need to get your woman to put work into it, ESPECIALLY when it’s new. If she begins working, it’s like writing in a diary - she’s made an inprint on it, and thus, she’ll treat it even more respectfully and carefully. Consider that you’re more likely to keep treating shoes well if you shine them, and that the only jackets that are treated well after a couple years were either earned or heavily modified by the user. It’s cyclical - putting more work in is being good to the item, which makes you want to be continue to do right by it.

So get her to put in work towards you, so she can feel she made her inprint on you and that you’re hers.

Then make sure she comes to feel this on a subconscious level:

“If I cherish and revere this man, my life will be better.”

And it must be true. Nothing gets our ire like something we invest in turning against us - if we treat something very well, and its value dissolves on us, we feel betrayed and want to stop respecting it, carefully cleaning and placing it.

The fact is, the initial cherishment/appreciate/infatuation will either turn into something greater, or it will fade to discontentment. To elevate it, you must get her to put in significant work, and reward that work heavily to set a positive precededent. A few tips:

*After she does something good for you, reveal more about yourself to her.

*Tell her how much you appreciate things that she does.

*Point out that you like and respect her.

*NEVER tease her for liking you too much, or working too hard (this is a BIG no-no!)

*Reward her with physicality when she says or does something to please you (give her a light touch or kiss)

*Honestly care about her, smile warmly when you see her, and enjoy the time you spend with her when things are good, and…

*Most honestly and crucially, remove yourself or your time from the interaction when things are poor.

If your girl gets the impression, “If I am happy, pleasant, and am meeting my man’s standards, our relationship feels good, gets better, and I’m happy” - you’ll both be in great shape. Your relationship will be like a diary being written in, or a jacket specifically cleaned, re-tailored, and customized every single day. Treat her well when she treats you well, and get her to start treating you well early and often - Cherishment gets deeper or fades. T’is a sad day if you let it fade away, but years of ever-greater magic can be built on the foundation of it.

Best wishes,

Sebastian

“Why do some men achieve success, and others do not?”

Many men never live up to their potential. And while I don’t have
all the answers, I’ve taken a long look over the hundreds of
programs we’ve run and come up with some patterns on who succeeds -
and it’s got nothing to do with looks or height.

Here’s the makeup of the kind of guy who gets damn good at social
skills:

*The successful man is consistent about trying. He is not
necessarily great, but he is consistent. The unsuccessful man may
really want success, but he will fall off the wagon from time to
time, drag his heels, or whatever else have you. He might go out 13
nights in a row, but then he stays at home for two weeks playing
video games.

*The successful man is balanced. He has other diverse things going
on in his life. He often has a high-impact job, difficult studies,
interesting hobbies, or plays a sport. While he may not - and often
isn’t - naturally gifted in any of these areas, he has at least one
or two things going for him that he loves and works hard at.

*The successful man is BUSY. Guys that get success are the ones
you’d think would have no time to do so. They work 40+ hours a
week, take a class or informally study something (like learning a
language, or dancing), take care of their health, and STILL go pick
up. The unsuccessful man FEELS very busy, but yet somehow doesn’t
have much to show for it. He doesn’t get shit done. Why he doesn’t
is a mystery, but he doesn’t succeed.

*The successful man gets someone to kick his ass for him. People
fall off without support and guidance, even if it’s wrong. It’s
better to have someone kicking your ass to work hard and get
success even if they’re not an “expert” on something. So much the
better if you are. It’s hard to stay motivated - at anything. All
the best athletes in the world have coaches. Executives have a vast
array of assistants to keep them focused and on-track. Successful
people get others to push them to keep them successful.

*The successful man PROVES IT TO HIMSELF that the methodologies he
is using work. He fights and rails against them until he finds they
are correct, and tries to undermine/reassess them from time to
time. He gets success using a system because he is solidly
confident in it. The unsuccessful man may take someone’s word that
it works, or even see others using it. He may know logically that
something works - but he hasn’t proved it to himself, and probably
doesn’t feel it in his heart.

*The successful man has a burning desire to succeed - So far, I’ve
found no correlation between the reasons people want success. Some
people want to succeed for totally unhealthy reasons - They want
attention, are insecure, etc. Surprisingly, these reasons seem to
work. Regardless, the successful man REALLY wants success. He
doesn’t “think it would be cool to get chicks”, he DEMANDS and
CRAVES social skills for some reason or other. I’ve seen many
different reasons - desire to apply them to make more money, desire
to have many beautiful women, desire to be ready to get “Miss
Right” if/when she comes around, desire to reproduce, lust for
power, insecurity, want of validation, want to show off, wanting to
conquer something, using it as a general pathway to great overhaul
in lifestyle and self-improvement… Some of the reasons are
awesome, some I would deem unhealthy - but even if you have a
rooted unhealthy desire to be great, it can lead to greatness (of
course, the highest levels require purging that unhealthy desire -
but it’s actually pretty easy once you’re good to stop being down
on yourself - that’s how it went for me among others, and was a
liberating experience. Like, “Wow, I got into this for the wrong
reasons, but it worked out pretty well. Huh.”)

*The successful man is either PROCESS oriented, or someone that’s
KICKING HIS ASS IN GEAR is. The unsuccessful man thinks “It’d be
great to have 10 women just feeding me grapes in my harem”. The
successful man goes one step at a time, and chips away at results.

*They successful man HONESTLY assesses progress. If he compares
himself to a legend, it’s inspirational and not depressing. He
doesn’t think “If only I had those results…” thinking about
someone playing the game on a different level. He plays for
himself. If the guy is a virgin, and lays his first girl, he pats
himself on the back. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a
single step. -Confucious

*The successful man gets MOTIVATED by failure. Coming *so close*
burns him up, and makes him try harder and burn hard to get there.
The unsuccessful man gets depressed, and fails to realize that the
most valuable lessons are often learned on the brink of exhaustion,
in times of desperation, and upon hitting rock bottom. He turns
away the very thing that would allow him to climb out of the hole
he’s in. The successful man takes his lumps “like a man” for lack
of a better word, embraces the pain, learns the lessons, and GETS
IT RIGHT next time.

*The successful man is NOT attached to what he’s already been
doing. As soon as a man gets too attached to what he did yesterday,
he stops getting better.

*And lastly, the successful man is not a patient man. Old age comes
before patience. The successful man makes risky decisions, and
doesn’t waste time. If a situation is dragging out, the successful
man will frequently make turn it into a “win/lose” situation. He
doesn’t mess around with one girl stringing him out, he does
something stupid that will land her 1 out of 10 times, and put an
end to the debacle the other 9 out of 10. Someday as he gets
better, he may land the girl 7 out of 10 times on his “gamble” but
he’ll never mess around and waste 20 times the effort on the girl
that he could spend taking 1 in 10 chances. His ego may get bruised
from time to time, it may hurt and burn, but the successful man is
not a patient man. When confused about the situation, he does
something drastic and makes the situation come to a conclusion one
way or another. Then if he fails, he scrapes himself off the pave
and does it again - until it starts to work.

Sebastian

–

theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman

A Soulmate’s Moment is one of the most powerful things you can
achieve when meeting a woman - maybe you’ve felt it. It’s when you
feel that deep belief inside you that you two were truly destined
for each other. It was once thought to be only rare and special
occasions that they could be felt.

As of March 2007 - you can create them.

My friend Jonathan and I were partying at his loft. His girlfriend
is amazingly beautiful and they’re totally in love with each other.
She’s a top model for one of the top agencies in the United States,
who has done work for Levi’s, Calvin Klein, major alcohol brands…
An elite girl in every sense of the word. And together we analyzed
how they’d fallen head over heels for each other:

By pure chance, a Soulmate’s Moment had been created: A Soulmate’s
Moment is when you two find out that you have the same weakness
wrapped in what appears to be your biggest strength.

For Jonathan’s girl, she’s an elite model, blessed with both natural
beauty and charm - but it also takes a lot of hard work to develop
your physique and charm. It turns out Jonathan has built himself
in a master of the social arts - for a similar reason that his girl
became a model.

They both strive to be the center of attention, but come from
backgrounds where they were both kind of smart, dorky kids. Finding
out that what was most intimidating to outsiders about her - her
carefully built social image - was also her largest insecurity -
made her and Jonathan have a Soulmate’s Moment.

To create a Moment like that:

*Show her you understand her strength, and relate it to a key
strength you have
*Show her you understand why other people are intimidated by her
strength (which implies you’re not)

and

*Show her you understand how it comes at a price, hurts sometimes,
and other people can’t see that.

Extremely powerful.

For some of the girls that are highly desirable - and quite
intimidating - here are four of the top combinations that to create
Soulmate’s Moments:

Beautiful/Insecure
Successful/Fear of Loss
Privileged/Sheltered
Outgoing/Hardened

We’ll have more on this tech for you playboys - Seriously powerful,
so recommended only to use on girls you truly like.

Sebastian
–
theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman

Or better yet, how do you let her know that the vibe you’re putting off in the beginning is the real you?

How does she know that after she sleeps with you all of what you said will be backed up?

All three of these questions have the same answer.

Credibility.

When most guys think they don’t have enough value, 90% of the time, it’s credibility they lack. In fact, most of everything used to create value these days only serves to make a nasty woman-repelling player vibe.

(and anyone who’s anyone KNOWS I don’t even teach value. Not for a damn second!)

“Player vibe” is not actually a bad vibe, but a mistake in building and maintaining credibility.

Being able to create credibility is one of the key components to sleeping with a girl quickly.

The other component is sexual tension.

And as a good student of pick-up, you know that some women need sexual tension to sleep with you and the other half need credibility first. (You do know that, right?)

So let’s get down to it:

There are three levels of credibility.

1. Safety
2. Commonality
3. Direction

Safety: The most basic and fundamental level of credibility, you need to demonstrate SAFETY before a woman will be alone with you and sleep with you.

Commonality: You need to demonstrate commonality in order for a woman to continue sleeping with you, or have a relationship with you.

Direction: You need to show direction in order to get a woman to leave her current boyfriend or change her existing life plans to be with you.

A WORD ABOUT SOCIAL PROGRAMMING ->

You have to realize that every person you meet is socially programmed in a different way. Even you have social programming. We all do.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing. On the contrary, it’s very useful.

Realize that although we understand a lot of a woman’s behaviors come from her social programming, we can’t expect her to realize that.

While men have evolved an instinct to try to sleep with as many women as possible, women have evolved an instinct to choose guys who demonstrate a high chance of sticking around to raise children.

And this instinct is reinforced by social programming.

Her programming is her reality. Her programming is literally her world.

And credibility is about showing you understand her world.

HERE’S AN EXAMPLE ->

Think about if you were in your bedroom. Comfortably warm sitting in a chair.

And then a guy came in. And he said he was cold.
And wanted to turn up the heat. Then he told you he liked the couch you were sitting in.
And asked if he could urinate in the corner.

You would feel pretty uncomfortable with him. You might even think he’s crazy.

He’s showing you that he’s not seeing the same reality as you. He’s “in his own world”.

I bet you wouldn’t trust a guy like that.

Because he has shown you that he doesn’t understand your world, and doesn’t respect your world - you probably wouldn’t connect with him, or feel like giving him compliance.

This is how women feel when you don’t demonstrate credibility.

If she thinks that it’s a bad thing for people to kiss and tell (and most women do) -> You should show her you ALSO believe it’s bad for people to kiss and tell.

The fact that you have the same perceptions about the world as her will build your credibility immensely.

You can think of the three levels in this way:

Safety - It’s safe to have you in her world.
Commonality - You see the same things in her world. (Similar perceptions, values, and goals)
Direction - You have the ability to rearrange and alter her world.

These are best demonstrated in order.

And you can get really good at this. At first, guys are usualy good at meeting a certain kind of woman.

It’s because he naturally understands a certain type of worldview.

But as you get good, you’ll start to be able to match ANY woman’s worldview.

The best way of doing this is by anticipating her thoughts and verbalizing her feelings or views about the world, as if they are your own.

At first you will just be remembering things she’s said in the past, and then repeating it after she’s forgotten she’s said anything.

Then you will get good at pacing her reality and leading. Eventually it gets to the point where you can intuitively understand her reality. Then she will trust you to change it for her. You enter her world, and then start teaching her new things about HER world.

That’s when you know you get this thing.

When someone comes along who understands a woman’s reality so well, she doesn’t just think he’s perceptive and skilled, she just feels a connection.

She thinks “He’s just like me!”

This is really the easiest thing in the world. Yet so many people mess it up.

It’s a major piece and you’ll watch your game improve dramatically once you get this.

Vin