Hey guys,

I’m going to share a “field report” I wrote up this weekend. It’s long, and so I used the shorthand of the “pickup” community to get my thoughts down quickly and clearly. I’ll go through the report now and put in little translations for those of you who don’t know the jargon - it’ll be useful for you anyway, in case you ever want to read material from guys who are more about the jargon than we are.

Before you get to the report, a couple quick things: to respect people’s privacy, I’m going to use pseudonyms for the people in this report, avoid naming the actual venues I was at, and keep to myself what town I’m in this week. Ok, enough with the disclaimers. Enjoy!

(Lessons learned and other commentary in bold)

It’s about 10 PM on Saturday night. My plan is to meet up with Wallace downtown, then head to [other neighborhood] later in the night and party up with the homie Justin (sorry I didn’t make it, man). Wallace is at Venue D, and we plan to meet at the Venue C. I hop on the subway, where I see a stunning woman with green eyes and black hair. I go direct [translation: open her with Genuine Interest]. We start talking, and I sit down next to her. She’s on her way to a friend’s place, but when I tell her I’m heading to Venue C, she mentions that she has friends there tonight and decides to come with me. Wallace isn’t there yet when we arrive, so I hang with the girl’s crew and befriend everyone. After maybe ten minutes, they decide to go to Venue D and ask if I want to come. I call Wallace, and he’s down for staying at D, so I agree to go with Green Eyes and her crew. We wait on line at D for a bit, and eventually Green Eyes’ crew gets impatient and decides to leave. I decide to stay, so I #close [translation: get her number - that one’s pretty obvious] Green Eyes and wish her a good night. I call her a minute after she leaves – “Meet anyone interesting tonight?” “Well, just one…” “Yeah, me too, I actually met this cute girl, do you think I should call her?” Etc.

But uh, back to the lecture at hand. After Green Eyes dips out, I chat up the folks in line behind me – they’re pretty friendly, and this further pumps my fun, social state.

Lesson learned: stay social and don’t just talk to cute girls. These people behind me were like an older couple and a guy my age, but I still enjoyed talking to them, and it reinforced my good state.

My buddy Fox shows up and joins me on line. When we’re almost at the door, I notice a hot girl with glasses talking on her phone nearby. I quickly break out of line and go direct. She’s engaged – she’s wearing gloves, so I couldn’t see Frodo [translation: the One Ring to Rule Them All. This is a term my buddies and I use, not common shorthand] – but (of course) is flattered and very cool about it. Hop back on line just in time, as we’re at the door.

Quick funny story here. [CENSORED - NOT FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION. Sorry, guys.]

Fox and I find Wallace and Drago. I open a 2-set [translation: a group of two people - unless I call it a “mixed set,” assume all women] as a byproduct of putting down my coat near them. Drago comes in to wing [translation: act as a wingman à la Top Gun], but I quickly bail because they’re not particularly interesting. A hot brunette walks past, and I go direct as she passes. She responds well, but keeps walking after we exchange names – I suppose I could have thrown something over my shoulder to reel her back in. My bad. She’s part of a birthday party crammed with hot girls, and Wallace sends me in. I go in and open by asking whose birthday it is. They hook [translation: reach a point early in the interaction where they actively want you to stay] only “meh” – one girl hooks good and hard, but the others don’t. Wallace comes in to wing, and one of the girls mentions that she’d pushed him out of the way earlier when he was at the bar, as if that’s cool or something. I’m not a fan of this, so I politely eject. This is a true case of women failing to meet my standards, but on some level I wonder if it isn’t also a tree disguise.

We decide to head over to Venue V. On the way out, I open a seated set and run that for a bit. I also open a seated 4-set (”You guys are the hottest girls here.”) and talk to them for a little bit. Meanwhile, Drago opens a nearby 2-set by pointing out my opening of the 4-set – that’s called being energy efficient. Pickup’s going green, people. Anyway, I jump in on that 2-set. Drago points out that the girl with pale blonde hair is wearing white and the girl with the dark brown hair is wearing black. I say they’re like a Yin Yang (I realize as I say it that this is a little suggestive, heh, whoops), and go on to talk with the blonde about Taoism and dualism and which one between the yin and yang principles is “masculine” and which is “feminine,” which is “heaven” and which is “earth,” etc. So for this report, let’s call her Yin (”feminine” and “earth,” by the way). I also try out a new little accomplishment intro [translation: a cool way of introducing your buddy to a group that bigs him up] for Drago. I tell the girls, “Don’t talk to Drago. Seriously, he’s dangerous. He’s a very bad man. Don’t talk to him. He used to wrestle grizzly bears back in Mother Russia just to get a workout,” etc etc.

I Cube Yin [translation: the Cube is an old Sufi self-knowledge game involving visualization. The old-school pickup guys like Mystery and Style used this as a “routine” - I’m not into using pre-scripted routines, and I use it here more to amuse myself than anything else. Plus, it actually is a fun little game]! Ha, this is my second time ever using the Cube, and it’s been months since the first time. Hilarious. I’m a little rusty with what means what, but I work it out as I go along and she digs it. I forget what else was said – there’s definitely some rapport, talking about what we do (she’s a business student) and our goals and whatnot – but I’ll just cut to the end. I #close her and we dip out.

As we walk into Venue V, I see a mane of bright blue dyed hair out of the corner of my eye. I can’t see the girl well, but she appears to be hot, and also standing in her group is a girl with jet black dyed hair. Cute rocker-looking chicks… hm. Anyway, V is at capacity upstairs, and a layer of waiting dudes with drinks clutched to chests has accumulated at the foot of the stairs. Seeing these poor bastards motivates me not to take that route myself… I tell Drago I don’t want to wait at the foot of the stairs like a helpless chode, looking longingly upwards as if the secret to having a fun night is on the second floor. I decide to open the hot rocker chicks. I roll up to them and open by asking if they think my jacket will get stolen if I put it down. Blah blah banter banter, I go put my jacket down on a chair and enlist a nearby seated 2-set of cuties to guard it for me. I reenter the rocker set (it’s a 6-set with one guy). A little more banter about the coat situation, then I transition to introducing myself. It feels a little awkward going around the circle getting names, but I stick the landing, so it’s fine, and it goes smoothly from there.

Forgot to use my “How’s it going?” opener like I’ve been meaning to. But to be fair, it’s because an opener occurred to me spontaneously for every set, so I guess that’s fine too. I wonder if “Hey guys, how’s it going?” would have opened the big rocker set as effectively as my sorta indirect thing about the coats. I bet it would have… maybe follow up with something like, “You guys seemed like some of the more interesting people in here, figured I’d come talk to you.” Gotta keep chipping away at those limiting beliefs.

I don’t remember much detail about the conversation – hopefully that’s a sign that I’m outside my head and running a smooth set, not that I have a shitty memory. The blue-haired cutie (amazing looks-wise, but later on I also find that her wit, intelligence, attitude, and underlying personal warmth are all on point – she’s really quite cool) tells me she’s a singer and volunteers that she’s been signed to [very major record label]. I say something like, “Now, most guys would say something like, ‘You’re a singer? Durr, sing something for me!’ But I’m not gonna do that.” She laughs and says that yeah, ugh, she always gets that, haha, etc.

Lesson learned: my response to her being a singer on a major record label was the right response: legitimate interest in a cool job without chodey over-excitement. This wasn’t strategic; it was just how I felt.

Eventually, the group decides to go upstairs. I role-play that she’ll be my girlfriend and tell her to flirt with the bouncer guarding the stairs so that we can both get up. I chat with and befriend the bouncer while we wait. Friendliness on my part and flirting on Blue’s part get us up the stairs – I offer her my arm, and we walk up high-class-style. For the rest of the night, putting her on my arm is my go-to move for leading her around the venue.

Lesson learned: putting the girl on your arm is great – it’s dominant and leading, it’s kino-licious obviously, and it involves a little role-play by subtly invoking an elegant, aristocratic bygone era – formal balls and waltzes and galas and things like that. Especially when going up or down a large flight of stairs.

One of Blue’s friends in particular is very sassy – the black-haired one. She calls me Fabio all night. That’s fine with me – I’m a scrawny brillo-haired dude while Fabio is an enormous testosterone-emitting sex symbol, so that’s a compliment from where I’m standing. (Earlier in the night, Green Eyes asked me if anyone had ever told me I looked like James Franco. Uh, no, because they have eyes that work. Those of you who haven’t met me in person, trust me when I say that looks-wise, I am ok but no James Franco. Ah, the power of attraction.)

The other girls in Blue’s crew want to meet cute single guys – the place is full of guys I know, so I tell them not to worry. Drago walks by and I bring him in, then I lead Blue away as Drago talks to the other girls. Thanks to all my friends there, the second floor of V is Social Proof City [translation: social proof is the value boost you get in someone’s eyes when s/he sees that other people value you; this is very powerful and going on all the time]. Besides Drago, I run into Wallace and Peter, as well as Fox again I think. Some of Blue’s friends turn up and think Peter is cute – I try to get his attention, but he’s deep in conversation already so I leave him to it. I isolate Blue [translation: lead her to a quieter area where we can be somewhat alone and get to know each other better] along the railing above the stairs. We chat and build some rapport about our lives and whatnot – I express interest in her musical career and qualify her on it [translation: compliment someone about something you genuinely like about them], and we talk a little about our tastes in music (mine are kinda eclectic and interesting, so it’s clear that musical passion is a commonality we share).

For some reason, this whole time we’ve been periodically joking about ninjas. She’s the one who brought them up – ok, I’m game, I like ninjas. I go into a thing I stole and modified from my buddy/mentor EC from San Francisco – joking about being a ninja, going to ninja college… I majored in shooting arrows through windows with ominous notes stuck onto the ends, minored in grappling hooks but they’ve got these new gas-powered ones that anyone can use so it’s hard to find a job, blah blah blah.

I also do my standard “I’ll hit a woman” stuff. Ok, that sounds awful. It’s not like that, honest. For some reason, I almost always find the opportunity to tell a woman, mock-seriously but very clearly joking, that hey, she’d better watch it, because here’s the thing about me: I will hit a woman. I absolutely will. I’ll punch her right in the kidney – it won’t leave any marks (if you’re going to do this sort of thing, PLEASE calibrate! If you don’t manage to make it funny and flirty, it will be very very unfunny and creepy). This leads to play-fighting and general kino fun [translation: kino is short for kinesthetics and refers to physical touching, hopefully in a natural and non-creepy way, that builds attraction and connection between two people]. We both threaten to throw the other over the railing – we say this at exactly the same time as each other, which is funny and cute.

I have Blue come downstairs with me to bring my coat back up. Go back upstairs, hang there for a few minutes, then lead her back downstairs again to sit in a booth.

Lesson learned: well, I knew this already, but might as well point it out. Moving her around a lot is good - it builds what used to be called compliance (I’m calling it “investment” these days, and I believe Sebastian’s joining me on that). It also has an interesting time-dilation effect: the more places you’ve been to with someone, the longer you feel you’ve known them for. I moved Blue around both within the venue and (later in the night) between venues.

We’re lounging there thigh-to-thigh, with my arm around her, when her friends come down the stairs and spot us. I smile and wave, and they come join us. Ok, they like me, and they’re not gonna get weird about us being down here alone or give Blue a hard time about it.

Lesson learned: befriending Blue’s crew was key for this interaction. They were genuinely cool, so I was glad to do it, but it was also the right move. Even after getting in well with all of them, the black-haired friend still made some small waves at the end – pulling Blue aside with “Are you gonna be ok? [Yes] Are you sure?” then sorta half-playfully lecturing me: “Hey, make sure she gets home ok,” etc. Imagine if she didn’t like me – it would have been game over, full-on cockblock drag-away-o-rama, and that would have been that.

Some dude in a [sports team] jacket – approaches the group. This other girl in the crew (wow, actually this whole group is sassy as hell) promptly tells him that she wants to light him on fire (it’s because of his [sports team] jersey, her being from [x city], but still. Harsh). Dude’s friend (wing?) comes in, and I suffer through the most painful display of attempted macking I’ve experienced since my own AFC days [translation: Average Frustrated Chump; your standard guy who doesn’t really get how to be successful socially or with women; a guys who isn’t a so-called “natural” and hasn’t done active work on his social skills yet]. I feel for these guys, but the girls I’m with don’t appear to – they’re mercilessly mocking him to me and each other. Still, it’s good that, as they joke about lame douche-nozzles they don’t know bothering them at bars, it doesn’t even occur to them to lump me in that category.

Lesson learned: the value of distinguishing myself in women’s eyes from standard, chodey guys. This is obviously good because women really don’t like those guys, as I saw here. I am dead-set against being a judgmental person, but I also think it’s ok to be subtly disparaging, not toward specific guys, but toward a sort of faceless “other” that represents chodey guys in general. This is something that Sebastian teaches, and that’s what I did earlier when I said that most guys would tell Blue to sing them something. These “other” guys are the drunk, handsy, harassment-happy Enemy of women at bars – it’s good to be one of the cool guys in the know, on the girls’ team, instead of being one of the Enemy.

Blue’s crew is bouncing to the Venue C, and the black-haired friend invites me along. Hell yeah, let the night end where it began. Fox and some of his boys roll with.

On the street, some “My New Haircut”-looking dudes holler some disrespectful shit at the girls… “Hey, dancers! Strippers! Sup girls?” Crap like that. As they pass, I notice… one of the guys (hopefully he wasn’t yelling) is my good friend from college whom I haven’t seen in years! Ok, the girls (justifiably) dislike these guys and it won’t help me to appear friendly with them, but I don’t care. This is my boy here. I break off, dart around the corner they just turned down, and yell out my buddy’s name. He has a “holy shit” moment, then it’s all hugs and happy shouting and glory. Blue and her black-haired friend dart their heads around the corner to see what the hell I’m doing. I tell them to give me just a minute. I chat with my buddy a little more about what I’m up to these days, what I’m doing in town, etc, before catching up with the rockers. Mention he was an old college friend, surprised he was hanging out with jerks. The girls thought I’d chased them down to kick their asses or something. Uh, no.

At Venue C, chat with some interesting guys, have a fun interaction with the cute bartendresses, run into Peter again (or did he walk over with us? Don’t recall. This isn’t drunkenness, just obliviousness). Meanwhile, every male hired gun [translation: people who work at the venue - waiters/waitresses, bartenders, etc] in the place is flirting with Blue. I take it in with a glance from across the room – it appears to be weak supplication game [translation: trying to win a woman’s affection by showering her with gifts and/or compliments, devaluing yourself and placing yourself at her disposal - incidentally, this doesn’t work], and I can see from her body language that there’s nothing to worry about there. I talk a little more with Peter, then walk over to reengage Blue. Peter immediately dives into a set of cute Indian girls as I walk away. Player player.

I’d mentioned earlier that I was hungry, so Blue tells me some of her friends are in the next room having some light bar food. We join them and enjoy some good conversation along with the food. Peter, Fox, and co. come in and tell me they’re grabbing pizza. I decide to come with and take Blue with me. There’s a little bit of token protectiveness from the black-haired girl at the exit, but it’s nothing serious. She likes me and isn’t really trying to cockblock, just doing her duty toward her younger friend (black-haired girl is a little older and married) and confirming that I’m the good guy she thinks I am. Much love to her - she was a cool girl and super-fun throughout the night.

On the way out, lots of kino with Blue – hand on small of back, arm around waist, etc – along with continued playful joking. At some point, she says, “If we run into a guy called Connor, you’ve known me for a really long time, ok? From high school.” I ask “Who’s Connor?” She says, “Some guy I’m sorta seeing… I guess we’re provisionally dating or something…” I’m unfazed and non-judgmental, and I just play along with her ruse – ask her the names of her town and high school, etc. Connor will never figure it out, we’re too sneaky…

Lesson learned: she’s “sorta seeing” someone? “Provisionally dating?” What? I’m not judging, but it’s just startling to hear this stuff. This guy probably thinks they’re on their way to a deep committed relationship, and she’s casually dismissing him for some charming dude she met at V. Them’s the breaks, I know, but I’m not used to seeing this side of things - not too long ago, I was more likely to be dismissed guy than charming dude. At this point in time, I’ve chosen not to get involved with women who have boyfriends (not condemning those who do - it’s a murky and challenging ethical question), but if they’re “provisionally dating” then I don’t care. That doesn’t sound like a boyfriend to me. Sounds like a test drive, and I bet I’m packing more horsepower. Sorry, Connor. If you’re reading this, then you’re probably on your way to better and stronger interactions with women. Good luck, man.

At the pizza place, all us guys debrief and spit game stuff while we stand on line for our food. Blue sees a guy she knows and heads over to talk to him. It’s all good – the attraction is there between us, nothing to worry about.

Lesson learned: Being unfazed when I saw her talking to other guys was key too. She’s a hot, high-value chick with an unusually attention-grabbing look because of the hair. She’s going to have random dudes talking to her, and this is her neighborhood so she’s going to know dudes too. Being reactive and insecure would be poison here – instead, I mentally assessed the attraction I’d built, quickly scoped out the interactions for any indication that I should interfere, and concluded that all was well.

She talks to the guy for a while, so I just grab my pizza and sit down with the guys, continuing to shoot the shit. Before too long, Blue squeezes in next to me. After I finish my pizza, I suggest that she and I leave. We say goodbye to my friends and head out. Doesn’t look like we’ll be going to her place, even though we’re apparently just a few blocks away – she directs us toward the cab stand, which is in the opposite direction of her house. Ok, fair enough – I’m not gonna push it. I’d rather get the Day2 than go for more and blow it with a cool girl. Grab her and kiss her – we make out for a bit, continue walking toward the cab stand, I slam her against a wall and make out some more, we continue walking, etc. One more kiss, grab a cab, and I’m out.

Epilogue:

Googled Blue, and apparently her music is starting to get some attention. She worked with some big names on her new album, and it looks like she might actually get somewhere – although who knows with the music business. Again, I’m not going to share names, for the sake of preserving Blue’s privacy. But good for her.

I followed up the following day by text with Green Eyes and Yin. I’ve got a Day2 with Green Eyes tonight (Monday) and one with Yin tomorrow afternoon. I followed up with Blue right after saying goodbye, during my cab ride home – I’m seeing her on Wednesday.

Lesson learned: Social Capital and Social Power

One solid night’s work equals three Day2s. Damn yo. That’s something worth remembering, because it confirms the principle of abundance. I could have no girls and no numbers (which was pretty close to my situation, since I recently cleared out all my numbers as a sort of psychic Spring Cleaning), go out for one night, and fill my social calendar for a week.

I sometimes think of social connections with people (friends, lovers, acquaintances, etc) as “social capital” that you’ve accumulated, and of social skills/game/charisma/etc as “social power,” the ability to generate social capital. Saturday night confirmed that I don’t need to fret about my social capital – stress about particular girls, worry about losing them, guard my “stash” like a dragon protecting his treasure horde – because I’ve got social power, which means I can always build new social capital.* A guy with social capital but no social power is like a wealthy heir who’s never had to work; strip away his wealth and social standing, and he’ll stay poor. A guy with social power is like a self-made billionaire: bankrupt him and leave him destitute, and he’ll just pick himself up and earn another fortune.**

Cheers,
Clark

*This isn’t to say I don’t value my friends dearly; to get a little Buddhist for a second, it’s about freedom from clinging to them, not from caring about them.

**Turns out Sebastian has a similar concept, which he phrases in terms of “natural leadership” and “artificial leadership.” I don’t think that he has any public writing on this topic, but I believe he teaches it privately to his students.