Hey guys,

Time to go over my recent lessons with Sebastian. We’ve been doing a lot of personalized work on sticking points specific to me — one of the perks of the job, lads — so I’m gonna pull out the snippets that are more widely applicable and share those. Here they are.

She Really Wants to See You

Sebastian gave me a mission: whenever I’m arranging via phone or text to meet up with a woman, phrase it in accordance with this idea: she really wants to see me, and I’m going to do my best to make that happen for her. Don’t ask if she wants to see you, or if she’s free, or any of that. Just presuppose that she wants to see you and go from there with your text or phone conversation.

That’s the idea; here are some examples of ways to do it. Say that the two of you “can” get together, as if she first asked, “Can we get together?” and you’re agreeing to her request. Don’t stress the “can” or overdo it like a weirdo – be normal and casual. This should be subtle. Another good phrase: “I’m going to try and free up some time for us to hang out,” or something similar. Sebastian had me go hardcore and throw in the slightly ballsy line, “I know you want to see me.” Again, don’t overdo this – just say it casually, in passing, like you’re mulling it over as motivation for you to set up the meet-up. Don’t slap a woman in the face with it, as if you’re sneering at the fact that she likes you. Remember, we like it when girls like us. They’re pretty and soft and smell nice.

I was on the phone with a woman yesterday, and I said something like, “So we can hang out this week… I’m pretty busy, but I know you want to see me… I’ll try and free up some time for us to kick it. What’s your schedule like?” Sha-zow, three-hit combo! I managed to string together all three of Sebastian’s example phrases in that one. It went over well; she let me know when she was going to be in town, and we have a date later this week. We’re going ice skating then grabbing hot cocoa. I know, adorable.

The thing to remember is that the principle here is more important than the exact phrases Sebastian gave as examples. Again, that principle is: when moving to schedule a meet-up, phrase it as if she wants to see you, and you’re going to try to make it happen for her.

Generating Emotions in Others

Sebastian explained that people tend to pick up on and mirror the emotions of people around them. For that reason, he said, if we want someone to feel a certain emotion, a good way to make that happen is to feel that emotion ourselves and let them “catch” it. Sebastian assigned me two emotional states to try and generate. The first was basic high-energy excitement. I tried it a club when I was talking to a woman about meditation, something I’m pretty passionate about. I got amped up and started speaking in an animated, enthusiastic fashion, almost to the point of being over the top. Meditation is an ironic choice for something to get energetic and revved up about, but it seemed to fly with her. She didn’t hit me with quite as much excitement as I was putting out, but her energy level definitely spiked. She responded with, “Wow, that sounds so cool! I totally have to learn!” and other stuff along those lines. Generating excitement in myself was easy; all I had to do was talk about something that truly does excite me and just let that feeling build.

The other emotional state Sebastian had me generate was what he calls the “working it out” emotion. This isn’t quite an emotion, per se, but more of a vibe. It’s the feeling that you two are facing a challenge you need to sort out, and you’re both gonna roll up your sleeves and work through it together. Imagine calling a customer service line for your PC, and the guy’s first couple quick suggestions don’t fix things. The guy says, “Weird… hm. Ok, screw it. We’re gonna do this. Here we go. Can you reboot it and then type in…” That’s the “working it out” vibe. There’s a feeling of camaraderie, of putting your heads together to accomplish a shared goal. Sebastian suggested throwing in a little bit of a conspiratorial vibe too, as if the thing you’re working towards is just a little naughty, a teensy bit taboo. Even if it’s something as innocent as arranging a date, injecting a subtle undertone of shared conspiracy can make it more exciting. You can probably see how neatly this links up with that concept we discussed earlier, the “she really wants to see you” frame. She’s busy, you’re busy, but you know she wants to see you… ok, we can figure this out…let’s bust out the calendars and see what we can do here…

Have fun!

Cheers,
Clark